Tips as I think my mood may crash

[Joblosspain]

Currently with family but will be spending a week on my own before coming back for holidays. I have depression generally OK, but can crash with suicidal thoughts that are horrible to experience, though luckily pretty safe.
I’ve found out likely to be redundant soon.

WFH from Monday though holiday to next year and will mean staying with relatives rather than independent. (For a number of reasons including MH couldn’t live alone if purely WFH.)

I feel numb atm but worried I’m going to crash at some point probably in the next week. I need the week away - need emotional space and independence.

Any tips on keeping my mood stable or if things begin to lower. No one I can talk to irl.

The crash has come a bit now. I’m feeling so guilty. Also suicidal thoughts, though I am safe, it’s horrid. (I started another thread in MH under another name before I remembered this one was here.)

Our company did apply for a contract and did not get it. That was at least partly due to failing part of an audit - I did badly that month so contributed to it. We knew at the failure it meant we would likely lost contract.

It might not have stopped the redundancy as there are a lot fewer jobs, but we would have been interviewed by people who know us and made redundant through them. Instead we face a transfer to a different organisation.

Things are becoming real - have clients who will now be helped under the new service, letters to us that don’t talk about the next year just the end of the contract.

I don’t have anyone I can talk to irl. All colleagues are finding things hard. It would burden to need to reassure me things weren’t my fault (whatever their true feelings), not sure I’d believe it anyway.

Don’t feel able to talk to relatives. I tried to call Samaritans who are busy atm.