please help-the prozac isnt working,im scared im going to feel like this forever.

[divastrop]

sorry i know i'm wallowing in self pity when i have no real reason to be unhappy,but i dont know what to do.

been on prozac since i was 12 weeks preg with dd3.it worked after a while but stopped working a few weeks ago,so the gp upped my dose to 40mg a day.that was nearly 4 weeks ago,but i dont feel any better.

i feel anxious and paranoid all the time,terrified my dp is going to run off and leave me as soon as somebody else shows an interest in him,as im so miserable and boring and he must chat to so many happy,funny,interesting women online.

i am also struggling to lose the pregnancy weight and i am fed up being fat.

im a terrible mum to my older kids,i never have any time for them and my dd1 keeps saying she hates me.

when i have the thought i have,i look back at how i was after i had dd1,and i think im feeling/behaving the same,so i think its no wonder that my xp used to beat the crap out of me.im very lucky that it is not in dp's nature to be like that.in fact im lucky he hasnt left full stop.

the gp reffered me for CBT,but the team that does it wrote offering me councelling instead,and ive had councelling loads of times and tbh dragging up all the rubbish from the past doesnt change anything,i need to learn to change how i think.

my nan has terminal lung cancer and is in hospital with a chest infection,but i live 350 miles away and cant see her,or support my mum who isnt coping very well.

dp and i are getting married in october,and i should be happy,but i just keep thinking of all the things that couls go wrong,and that if i dont hurry up and get better hes not going to be around for much longer.;

sorry i know this is long i just dont know how much longer i can handle feeling this way.

dior-i know it wasnt meant to be judemental,i probably would have reacted in exactly the same way to someody else who posted something like that.its so much easier to see things realistically when you are outside the situation.i know you were empathising rather than judging.

i split up with xp over 6 years ago,and with xh nearly 4 years ago.its like everybody says though,the black eyes and broken bones heal quickly,but the emotional scars can take years to fade.

i feel better now for having got it all out in the open again.i dont think changing ad's agin would be a good idea,i think i have exhausted most of my options.i need to give the higher dose of prozac another 2 weeks i think.

i know that i need to re-train my brain,that im going to keep going round in circles like this untill i break the cycle.i just know that i cant do that on my own.

judemental?judgemental.

shrinky-yes,there is that.i cant quite see the light at the end of the tunnel yet,but i know that ive been here before in the past and there have also been times in the past that ive felt happy and motivated,ive gone out to do courses both with and without the children,ive done voluntary work etc etc.i know im not going to stay in this dark place.

oooo,that was a bit deep

Message withdrawn