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Mental health

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Original poster

Daughters mother needs urgent mental health help, don't know how to go about things

29 replies

user1487090235 · 14/02/2017 18:09

Hi
I live in France for work purposes and my 1 year old daughter and her 20 year old mother live in the UK. Our relationship was extremely brief but resulted in my daughter who I love more than anyone. I hardly know her mum nor do I know any of her family or friends.

She has acted like this ever since she was pregnant. She told me she was diagnosed as bipolar at 16 but doesn't attend therapy or doctors, she is just on anti d which she says she takes but does nothing. She acts in a "crazy" way and i just do not know how to respond or what to do anymore. She first started off by telling lies such as telling my girlfriend she was pregnant by me again (despite having never slept with her since we ended) telling me she was going to kill herself etc but nothing has been as bad as how she has acted today.

So she called me last night and told me how she felt she felt confused, crazy and like she was loosing control. I told her to go to the doctors or a and e and she said she can't because she can not tell anyone the truth about her childhood or why she feels this way. I asked her if she could tell me and she said no and she can not express her emotions or reasons for her mood swings etc. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said she did not know, she just felt she was loosing control and someone was taking over her body. She then sent me a photo of her holding a knife with slashes and blood all down her thigh. I told her I would get my sister to collect our daughter if she needed a break, she said no and that she wanted our daughter to be with her. She then proceeded by telling me she wants her and our daughter to die and be out of pain and be with our other daughter (my daughter's where twins and born 14 weeks early, sadly her twin was born dead) she said she wanted to be dead or unconscious. She then gave me a phone number and told me to book her an emergency appointment at her doctors, before I had time to read the text she text again saying don't worry she was going away with our daughter.

I asked where and she said she was at the hospital our daughters where born at (60 miles from her house so fair old drive) she wouldn't tell me why she was there she just said she needed to get away. She then sent me a picture of tablets (codeine) and said she feels better after them, was around an empty packet of 6. This was about two hours ago and I've been ringing and texting constantly but her phone is just ringing off.

I don't know what to do and I don't want my daughter to be in danger and despite not having any romantic feelings towards her, she is still the mother of my child and i care about her because I know how much she means to my daughter. I just don't know who I can call when I don't know any of her family (according to her she has no one and her parents live in Australia) and I don't know how to go about getting her the urgent help she really needs as she will not help herself.

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 14/02/2017 18:13

If this is real, you call the police, now.
Give them her phone number and tell them what you know.

wishparry · 14/02/2017 18:17

Yes call the police.your daughter's safety is paramount.

Rockandrollwithit · 14/02/2017 18:19

Seriously, phone the police now.

helensburgh · 14/02/2017 18:22

You must phone the police. And get a flight to the UK to your daughter.

Cynara · 14/02/2017 18:22

Yes. Police. I work for the emergency services, we see this kind of thing more often than you'd think. Phone the police, give them all the details that you have for her. They will involve the ambulance service, and they'll take things from there.

Muddlewitch · 14/02/2017 18:23

The police, straight away, with any information you have. It is right thing to do to protect your daughter and get help for her mum. She sounds very unwell, if this was a physical illness or injury that was potentially life threatening you wouldn't think twice about phoning the emergency service, a mental health emergency requires the same.

Tracey300884 · 14/02/2017 18:26

The Police will at least do a Welfare Check on her and your child. She won't get in trouble, don't worry. They won't involve Social Services (unless they get there and the child is harmed or other extreme circumstances. What I mean is they won't involve SS just because a Welfare Check has been requested) Seriously, PLEASE do it.

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 14/02/2017 18:29

Yes I agree to call the police. Although I'm not sure what number you would call.

AnxiousCarer · 14/02/2017 23:30

999 this is an emergency

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 14/02/2017 23:38

Absolutely call the police. You need to ensure your daughter is safe and her mum can get the help she needs.

Jeanne51 · 16/02/2017 02:25

Ring the police and also the safeguarding team at her local child social services. They have a duty of care to act.

Jeanne51 · 16/02/2017 02:27

Social services will help her. They have to. The child is paramount.

Original poster

user1487090235 · 19/02/2017 13:31

This is still continuing and I really don't know what to do. I can't get to her until tomorrow evening. So I phoned social services, I told them everything she had said and the issues she says she has. They phoned her and spoke with her, unsure what was said but I got a phone call back from social services telling me that they was not going to take it any further and subsequently she now hates me for phoning them! I asked her what she said to them on the phone and she told me that she basically lied to them and said everything was fine and I'm lying and that she feels I'll sometimes but was seeking help. From an outsider's perspective she seems stable, I thought she was until I got to know her better. She is a law graduate, my daughter is always well dressed and cared for and she has a nice home etc so it does seem like I am making it up but she has deep issues that do not surface until you get to know her so people pass her off as being fine and there being no issues.

The social services will not do anything or believe my claims. She has since been texting me saying she is going to take an overdose of codeine and then breastfeed my daughter after which she says hopefully will kill them both. I don't know if she is serious or if she just says things to get my attention but either way I am concerned. She has been self harming since as well and says she is told to do and act certain ways by the people in her head! She told me last night she had locked herself in her bedroom with my daughter as she could hear people talking in the bedroom downstairs despite living alone and no one being in, she said she felt like she was going crazy. She has no suddenly turned from asking for my help and saying she wants to get better to being completely evil again. She is telling me that her daughter is not her daughter, she is only my daughter and that she doesn't want her. Calling her a brat etc. I told her she was acting evil and she said "haha I know I am evil it's great isn't it" yet in a few hours time I will phone her and she will change to acing sweet and normal and she will say someone had control over her body.

I don't know what more I can do. She says she wants to be sectioned because it's the only way she will get the help she needs but I have no idea how to go about doing that because she simply does not tell anyone the truth.

OP posts:

Trooperslane · 19/02/2017 13:37

Get on a plane op.

Push and push and push with ss.

Get your sister round there now.

123bananas · 19/02/2017 13:38

Phone the Police to do a welfare check. They will judge for themselves. Tell them you have texts from her that you can provide as evidence of her instability. Tell them what they say. She is threatening to harm your child.

Nel1883 · 19/02/2017 13:39

You have proof. Keep all the texts and photos she sends you.

charlestrenet · 19/02/2017 13:44

Phone the police, get off mumsnet and get your arse over to your daughter and be a responsible parent. Why the fuck are you even still in France if you think that your daughter and the mother of your child are in danger? That's the short term. In the long term, don't live in a different country to your daughter, unless you have to do so because of war/extradition etc. I'm serious. You need to start seeing yourself as being responsible for her welfare, because you absolutely are.

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2017 13:46

Why didn't you send ss and the police the pics?

wafflyversatile · 19/02/2017 13:49

Exactly what Charles says. You can't leave a child with someone who is threatening to kill her.

charlestrenet · 19/02/2017 13:56

Precisely. This is your child OP. No one else has a bigger responsibility re her safety than you do. This latest crisis has been going on for four days now and by the sounds of it your daughter has been in a damaging environment for far longer than than that. Why aren't you protecting her?

AnxiousCarer · 19/02/2017 14:38

I susspect she is terrified of what will happen if she tells SS the truth. You definately need to be there and get your daughter our of this situation. I also can't believe you haven't done this yet. Show the messages to ss and or the police.

As you are no longer in a relationship you can't request a MH act assessment for her. The police can if they feel she is a risk to herself or others and her nearest relative, probably a parent, can. This would be the assessment regarding sectioning. Or she can take herself to A&E for assessment if she is serious about wanting to get help.

But first get your daughter out of there, if you think she will try to stop you then speak to the police, show them the messages and get them to go with you. If you can't get there soon call 999 and explain her threats to kill your daughter.

Original poster

user1487090235 · 19/02/2017 14:40

I can not get back until tomorrow it just is not possible, I have told her my sister will go to her house but she refuses and says she will not allow her in or she will go out. I feel like she is attention seeking which is why I have not took her claims more seriously. She has said she is going to phone 111 although don't think that will do anything, I don't know if she is attention seeking or if she is actually I'll

OP posts:

charlestrenet · 19/02/2017 14:49

Why is it not possible? Are you being held in France against your will? If not, then it is eminently possible. It may be inconvenient. You may even lose your job (unlikely but I guess could happen). But that is nothing compared to your child being in danger. You first posted about this four days ago. A flight to the UK takes less than two hours. Why are you still there?

I feel so sorry for this poor baby that she has no one - not even her own father - who she can rely on to protect her.

If you saw a baby abandoned in the street would you walk by, thinking "Well I would stop but I don't want to be late for work"? No? Well why are you effectively doing that with your own daughter?

RebelRogue · 19/02/2017 15:01

You posted this days ago. Why couldn't you just fly back the next day? Have you contacted the police? Email ss the text and pictures? Have you actually done anything to help your daughter ?

charlestrenet · 19/02/2017 15:30

And before anyone accuses me of hyperbole in regard to my abandoned baby comment: the OP has said that his ex has talked about killing their daughter. Not even in the abstract, but has explicitly stated the method by which she will do it. So this is a baby that has lost the protection of her resident parent. I don't think it's actually possible for a one year old baby to be in a more vulnerable or dangerous situation than that.

If you talk to the police, they will recognise that this is the case. They will work with you and help you gain access to the property and your daughter.

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