What can I do? Childhood abuse related.

[Wearegoingtobedlehem]

I don't know what to do, i have had ongoing problems with my periods for 5 years, and pelvic pain for 2 years. Today I finally broached the pelvic pain with the gp. As I suspected this means i am being referred for a trans vaginal scan. Due to years of sexual abuse as a child, this is frankly throwing me between feeling really sick and wanting to cry. I have no idea how I can face it but know I must. I always try to "man up" but don't see how I can
What do I do?

I'm no expert, but have worked along side, and cared for individuals that have experienced this. I still care for a lady now who endured child sexual abuse and has had major complications in her adult life.
She spoke to her gp and they referred her to a cpn, she also sees a bereavement councilor for the childhood she had stolen from her.
It may be worth a try asking a gp to arrange or refer you if you have not already.
But please know you should not feel ashamed or 'man up' at all - you have every right to cry and be angry or upset - let it out and find the strength to realise it wasn't your fault.. You have the control now to enhance your future and make your past stay where it belongs.

I hope you get the help you so clearly deserve, sending my love and thoughts

I was nervous about an internal I was having and the gp gave me Diazepam to take.
Everything was just fine...

Can you talk about it? When your appointment comes through, can you phone the department and explain?

I have had TVSs and have...issues. Not, I think, as severe as yours, but being referred for TVS also terrified me. It didn't occur to me to explain or ask for support. (Why are we ashamed? We have nothing to feel ashamed of.)

The HCPs were respectful, unpressured, gentle. Beyond lying on the couch, the procedure was nothing like I expected.

Do you want to know more about the procedure, or would that be triggering? Would you prefer to learn about it in person from a nurse, or at a distance from us?

Thank you for your replies. I did disclose to my gp after my first ( and somewhat traumatic assisted delivery) however no help followed though. The gp I have been seeing of late is a different one, and I have no idea how visible it would be on my notes- or whether she would feel the need to broach it with me given the referral she had just made. I don't know that gps really have that amount of time at their disposal.
I started reading online about these tvs and they implied 30-60 minutes. No way could I handle that- but it would seem they are much quicker in the uk?
I don't know that I would be able to speak to them when the appt comes through - that's a large part of my problem- a lot of things that are significant to me I go mute. My voice just won't work. If I'm honest I think that is from being disbelieved as a teenager. I'm also afraid to let people know there is a problem.
Truly though, I think I somehow have to be strong ( much like for a smear) - as I don't want the bastard that did this to me ultimately compromise my health too? IYSWIM. It's bad enough that this has been going on 2-4 years before I could find my voice.
Aside from that I have no real life support i can go to- at all 😥
One other thing - how likely is it to be a male? And how many people are present for this?

Definitely not as long as 30-60 minutes. Depending, of course, what they are looking for, I suppose it might take up to 30min.

It is much less unpleasant than a smear, and feels less invasive.

I have had female and male scanners. With the male scanner there was a female chaperone present. She sat unobtrusively by the wall, in my line-of-sight. I imagine you could ask for whichever gender staff you prefer, especially with your history.

If you feel unable to speak, can you write a note and hand it to the GP? Can someone speak for you? TBH I think you'd be better off speaking to the Radiography department. They will have dealt with this sort of thing before, and will want to make the process easier for you.

I have major issues with smear tests/internals etc due to a similar history. I agree that the TVS are no where near as bad as smears. (I only had them in early pregnancy and they were just for a few minutes though, female radiographers both times)

I would definitely write down or get someone to speak on your behalf about your worries, I'm sure they will have experience of similar before and will help all they can. When I look back at all the times I didn't ask for help but just "manned up" as you put it and then had to deal with the subsequent impact on my mental well being, I guess I'm saying don't make the mistakes I did (in the gentlest possible way) please ask for help.

I totally empathise with your situation, although I'm in a different head space now (this has taken years, decades in fact) Sending an unmumsnetly hug, take care

I also agree TVS nowhere near as bad as a smear. My radiographers were female - just that one person in the room for each one. One of them explained to me that she did it a slightly different way, she would get the patient to insert the device and then lie back, which I felt afforded me so much more privacy. I had one of those paper blanket things over my lap. Nobody had to see or touch me down there so it felt a lot less invasive and not at all traumatic. It might be worth exploring that as an option if you feel it would help.

Thanks again for your replies. The appt has come through- for Monday- the letter says that the sonographer may be male or female with a chaperone .

Call them. Tell them that your personal history means that you are every worried and frightened. You don't have to give any details. But you can specify what you want them to do to help you.

The only thing you have to woman-up to is cherishing yourself.

Good luck on Monday

Remember that you're in control of your body. The NHS is giving you the time, place and person. You're the one who gets to say whether you are comfortable enough with all those things to go ahead. You can tell them to stop if you change your mind. Talking to them beforehand about your concerns will ensure that they are aware to go at your pace and be sensitive to your concerns. People who do this for a job are generally very good at putting women at ease with it in my experience

You might find these helpful: www.pandys.org/quickinfocards.html