I've admitted I need help but I feel worse than ever

[WBDmadness]

I finally plucked up the courage to ask for counselling, my nurse wants to speak to me in detail but is happy to refer now. I have been feeling extremely anxious and depressed, with increasing suicidal thoughts. So I knew I needed to ask for help, as it's not been this bad before.

But this evening I have a large knot feeling in my stomach - I'm sitting in bed feeling horrid and the DC are occupying themselves, which is a good job as I'm fit for nothing this evening. I suppose I'm confirming that I am the shit awful parent I always thought I was.

Will this affect anything? I really don't need it in my notes but I can't seem to sort my head out at the minute. I am also hoping it doesn't trigger any SS referrals, as I don't have any energy to battle. The kids are looked after, fed, clean, and are generally ok.

Everyday is just so hard and I'm really crap at this life thing.

It is good that you are saying these things out loud. You are not failing anyone and why do you think you are an awful parent. It is always too easy to be too hard on yourself. After having children big changes happen to our bodies and it can takes it toll. It can also raise issues from our up bringing that we may have thought we had put behind us (sometime not dealt with). I am not sure what country you are in but the Samaritans in the UK are a well respected organization that you can speak to, email or text. They are completely confidential and you don't even need to give a name. The knot in your stomach is anxiety and it can be for a real threat or a fear that is perceived. The result on your body over long term can effect your health. But your are not alone. There are many people who suffer the same symptoms and you can get better. You have been brave to ask for help dont give up.