I tried to kill myself aged 16; now aged 40 I wish I'd succeeded

[MyGastIsTinselled]

I've been depressed since I was 15 and I'm tired of battling it. I have two beautiful boys who I adore and therefore I could never commit suicide now as I couldn't do it to them, but I wish I'd succeeded earlier.

But I feel guilty for feeling like this because it's like I'm eishing they hadn't been
Born

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this OP. Depression is a really, really horrible thing but not your fault - please don't feel guilty.

Have you been to the GP? Are you on any meds or having therapy?

Yes I'm on ADs and seeing a therapist privately. Currently waiting for a call from my GP.

I suffer from terrible anxiety and depression and the only thing I can say that helps in all honesty is exercise. Particularly, taking long walks. Medicine/therapy haven't really worked for me but hopefully they do help you. There is nothing I can say that is helpful except that you need to be kind to yourself and realise it's not your fault you feel this way. To some extent it's part of being human, it's just you suffer more than most which isn't fair. Your life is worth something and so are you. Do you have a strong support network around you at all, friends/family you can talk to?

The trouble I'm having at the moment is that I'm going through the process of being diagnosed with ME so exercise is nearly impossible. I can't look after my boys the way they deserve because I'm so tired which has set off this episode. Plus yesterday I sprained my toe so can barely walk. Everything has just snowballed.

Op, I have fibromyalgia and depression, so understand the thing with the me. Your depression won't be helping matters physically. I know with mine, one feeds off the other. This might sound silly, but in the first stages, I joined an online support group. I felt very isolated and like I was the only one suffering. I found a group on facebook and even met up with some of the ladies. Is a support forum you can dip in and out of going to be helpful? Hang in there, I know it can seem relentless with fatigue and pain, but it can be managed

agree with loveisashadow, support is really, really important. Are you feeling any better today OP? Did you speak to your GP?

I'm seeing my GP tomorrow morning and spoke to my mum who is coming to stay next week to help. Feeling winded to be honest & wiped out. DH is off the rest of the week and has taken the boys off this morning.

That's good, you need some time to yourself. Have you ever tried any distraction activities such as knitting (HATE knitting but has helped many of my friends) or doing jigsaw puzzles or crosswords? I did this thing when I was at the height of my depression where I memorised every country in the world. It sounds a bit stupid but honestly it helped me focus on something else and lifted me out of it a bit.