had enough

[Katkins1]

That's it really. I've had enough. Had depression for a long time, final year student. Have been fighting an uphill battle. Today my laptop decided to stop working. With a lot of my work on. Still trying to fix it. Have an assignment due on Friday and presentation I've barely started due in on the 13th. Have done all of the reading but terrified I can't do it now because of my laptop breaking. Dissertation due end of May, and feel the same. I'm exhausted, a mess. I thought about self harming for the first time in a long time today. Have had to buy a new laptop, picking it up Tuesday. That was the last of my student loan. I owe my friend money I can't pay back because I got myself in trouble after my Grandfather died. Seriously feel suicidal. This is horrible. Sorry so abrupt, am typing on my kindle.

Thank you. Yes it got a bit heated, and others got involved. The main issue was it looked as though I wasn't working apparently. And there are prod talking behind my back about it too.I'm in a rather competitive subject area, but all that it means in reality is my marks come back later. Sorry yo hear you have been poorly. Do you also find that people are very judgemental?

It's got sod all to do with them what it looks like you're doing, they need to concentrate on their own work instead of commenting on yours don't they. Feck um.

Yeah people were really judgemental at first, like really. They often got pissed off because I didn;t go into lessons but still achieved the highest mark (distinction). What they didn't know was that behind the scenes I'd literally spent hours trying to work my self up off the floor crying my eyes out, to just sit down and try to work so I think I bloody deserved those marks

They're much more understanding now though, I just explained to them one day exactly how it makes me feel. I was frank and I don't take any prisonors on the best of days so I just said, think what you will but I'm struggling but I won't make excuses or take rubbish for it.

It'll get better I promise, you're doing so well!

I presume that you dont have to see her again after a weeks?

Especially as theirs is due in before mine. Ha ha! No really I do need the extra time,I've nearly done my first draft and then three weeks to 're draft and reference. That's really good about the marks. I'm in petty much the same situation. For some reason they think I am less deserving of a degree. Because I asked for three extra weeks on one project.

You deserve it just the same as them, if not more because you're literally battling a monster - and that is exactly what I describe depression and anxiety as. A monster looking over your shoulder and dragging you down.

You'll get there and we're always here if you need to talk so chin up chick and lets do this!

Thank you.I think they see one thing and believe quite another. If it were them, they would want extra time too. They are saying " you get three weeks extra on us for working equally as hard" .That is their argument.I was accused of attention seeking and so on too.

And you can do it!

No, won't have to see any of them.

They're not trying to work as well as being ill, they don't see it as an illness which really bothers me because these people are supposed to be educated!

We will both do it, we'll both get through it x

Hey katkins, I've just read your week's posting & I think you're awesome And Tequila too Both of you battling the monster & still getting brilliant results under your belts. You should be very proud of yourselves.

Nobody will know or care in the future if you had extensions, they will just see that you overcame all obstacles & you achieved what you set out to do. Hold your heads up high.

And to LEM too. Her words are always wise.

Katkins if you'd like to add me on any social networking site or email or anything let me know if you'd like to keep in touch. Don't mind if you dont obviously for anon reasons but the offer is there.

Thankyou 100. Katkins is incredibly awesome!

Thanks. Pm me with your name, I will add you.

I just read your thing about being educated, very true! Some of these people will have to deal with things like this in future, too. Then they will want all the help they can get. Rightly so, of course.