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Mental health

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Original poster

DD has PND, what help is available?

26 replies

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 11:05

My DD has been suffering from PND since the birth of her lovely dd.

She hasn't wanted to admit to it and has been self medicating by smoking dope (which has only made matters worse IMO).

I am working full time but I have tried my best to support her with daily phone calls, visits and but having the kids a lot of the time I am not at work to give her a break, I just don't have the time to do any more for her.

Yesterday things came to a head with her and she became suicidal, I landed up calling the dr because I wanted the dr to see her at her worst and to try to get dd to admit to how low she was feeling. After much talking dd admitted how she was feeling and the dr told her to see the gp today.

What can she expect from the gp? What help is there available? What about anti-depressants, are they a good thing or bad?

As you may be able to tell I have had no experience of this before and I really would appreciate some advice?

OP posts:

FrumpyGrumpy · 13/03/2006 12:53

What a lovely mum you are! I'm sure you'll get heaps of pointers here and wish you all the very best. She's a brave girl, its hard admitting things aren't right.

Bumping for squirrel3.

Enid · 13/03/2006 12:58

Yes you do sound lovely.

I think anti-depressants can work very well with a bit of counselling. You are right that smoking dope won't work and wouldn't be a good idea on top of anti-depressants.

Let us know how she gets on.

cutekids · 13/03/2006 13:04

hopefully,the gp will give her enough time today for a really, honest chat.
he will then,presumably,give her a quick written test to assess her and then hopefully prescribe her some anti-depressants. i am not an expert but this is what happened to me and the ad.s made such a big difference.they're not addictive but they do help to sort out the chemicals in the brain which causes pnd in the first place. she just needs some tlc at the moment aswell. you sound like a very caring mum.

cutekids · 13/03/2006 13:07

something else as well: i had a cpn visit me for a few weeks to chat and give advice and to see how i was coping (community psychiatric nurse).

colditz · 13/03/2006 13:08

Ooch, the dope smoking will do depression no good, whether PND or not. She will probably be offered some antidepresssants (which worked very well on my PND) and some councelling if it is available in the area.

The GP may ask her a lot of questions about how she feels towards the baby, these are mostly to diagnose but can leave a depressed mother feeling horrendous that the Gp has "felt the need to ask". Please please reassure her that they have to ask, they are seeing nothing awful in her that makes them want to ask these questions. The questions are often on the screen in front of them.

She is so lucky to have someone like you supporting her through this.

blueteddy · 13/03/2006 13:26

I agree that you sound a lovely Mum.
I suffered from PND after the birth of my second child & my Mum wasn't very supportive at all.
I confided in my HV, who came round to talk to me & put me onto AD's. These helped with that horrible low feeling you get. She also organised for me to have counselling sessions, which helped a lot.
It would be worth your DD phoning her HV. Mine was very supportive & quickly got me the help I needed.
Hope she is feeling a little brighter soon.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 13:26

Thank you for your replies everyone, one question I wanted to ask about anti-depresants is are they addictive? DD is very reluctant to take them because she thinks she will get addicted.

The councelling sounds like a great idea, colditz, dd absolutely adores her children but she is having difficulty coping so she thinks that they deserve better than she can give them, she tells me that she could quite 'happily' (wrong word because she would be devastated) give them away because then they might have a better life.

I have spent so long telling her that her children love and need her, she is not a rubbish mum at all, I gave her a copy of \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2100&threadid=154021&stamp=060313125834\this from peachyclair} to put on her fridge and look at everyday.

Her appointment is at 5pm this evening, I hope the gp will talk to her HV too, dd moved recently and she hasn't seen the HV since she moved and I really don't want her to 'slip through the net' and continue struggling with it.

I also hope that if she goes to councelling she may admit to 'self medicating' and get some help with that too. There is no way she would admit to it to the gp so here's hoping it will come out in the councelling sessions.

OP posts:

blueteddy · 13/03/2006 13:29

AD's can become addictive, but I had no trouble coming off mine.
They really help with that horrible heart sinking feeling you get with the depression.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 13:53

I think she needs to talk over the a.d's with the gp, I think she needs them, as you blueteddy and cutekids say she needs something to 'lift' her mood and sort out the chemical imbalance in her brain ATM.

As much as I would like to be I can't be there 24/7, I try to be there as much as I can, I have taken today off work to support her and try to see what practical help is on offer to her, (she has some physical disabilities too) but lately she decided that she 'isn't disabled' anymore so she doesn't need the help (she is very stubborn and will only accept help from myself ATM). I have been on the phone all day, but it feels like I am banging my head against a brick wall, it seems she needs to claim disability allowance again before she is entitled to the help, but it can take 6wks or more.

I think she is terrified that if she admits she can't cope her kids will be taken away from her. I have tried to explain that the kids will not be taken away from her but she will benefit from a little practical help whilst I am at work, if only she would accept it.

OP posts:

tangerinecath · 13/03/2006 13:54

AD's aren't necessarily addictive, although IME you do have to come off them slowly to avoid withdrawal. The symptoms are physical though and not mental, I got dizzy spells and was very tired when coming off AD's.
Smoking dope all the time is addictive though and leaves you unable to cope with day to day life if you do it too much.
Hopefully after she's been seen by a professional your dd will understand that AD's are a better way of coping than dope. She will have to be totally honest though in order to come out of this well.
I will be thinking of you. I've been in a similar situation myself, although too much dope caused an earlier bout of depression rather than my PND which happened long after I stopped smoking it.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 14:01

tangerinecath, I totally agree with you about her need to be totally honest about it, ATM I think she is too frightened they will take the kids away if she admits it but I hope as she becomes more trusting of the help that is available she may open up and be more honest.

OP posts:

FrumpyGrumpy · 13/03/2006 14:11

When things are spiralling downwards its sooo hard to see a way through. I'm glad she has the appointment and I think you are being really supportive. If she's anything like me then having the chance to nark back gets it out the system a bit and that means hard work for the person on the other end. Dont give up no matter how much you feel you're banging your head off a wall. She might need to hear the same words, the same support, the same love, over and over and over.

At low points, my photos of earlier times with my dd reminded me that actually I was doing ok. Its amazing how your life looks on film or photo. You don't see the stress, the dirt or the difficulty, you just see the important stuff. Get out the photos of when her kids were younger. Just a thought to pick her/you up on a rough day. Great idea about the fridge note - struck a cord with me too.

Luck to you and direct her on here, it might help a whole bunch.

FrumpyGrumpy · 13/03/2006 14:12

She might not want to know about this thread, just the site.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 14:18

FrumpyGrumpy, yes, you are right she tends to 'bite the hand that feeds her', I do try to let it go over my head and not let it get to me. I realise that it is out of frustration, and better for her to take it out on me or (more importantly) herself or the children.

She does look on here occasionally, but she is not as addicted as me..........MMMMMmmmmmmmmm,
I wonder if we could replace the dope with MN? lol.

OP posts:

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 14:20

I mean rather she takes it out on me not to take it out on herself or the children.

OP posts:

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 13/03/2006 18:15

Quick up-date - How usless is dd's Dr?

She put dd on anti-depressants, then told her there was no point in putting in for some councelling because there was a 6 month waiting list. Her only option was to find some privately, dd is not in a position to afford private councelling. The Dr didn't ask questions, just put her on AD's then dismissed her. We didn't even get chance to ask if the HV could visit, I was a bit shocked actually and didn't mention it.

I could kick myself, I think I will phone the surgery and talk to the HV myself tomorrow.

Where do we go from here?

OP posts:

Enid · 13/03/2006 18:47

My HV came round every week to chat to me (she was training to be a cognitive behavioural therapist). I think a good idea to ring her and chat.

Sorry to hear the gp was so crap

FrumpyGrumpy · 14/03/2006 14:14

Squirrel, please think about finding another GP. It will make a massive difference to have someone on her side, otherwise, she's going to feel like she shouldn't have bothered and she's done so well getting this far.

In my book GPs like this need removed from doing this sort of work because they are damaging an already delicate situation that you've worked hard at.

An empathetic ear will do wonders.

And to the GP, so what if the waiting list is 6 months - she's struggled by so far so why not go on the list anyway. I think counselling could be hugely beneficial and just as important as ADs (maybe even more so - the chance to talk without judgement or opinion will give her freedom to explore the bad stuff).

Keep going, don't give up, you've started on the ladder, its the right thing to do. Best of luck and keep posting .

cutekids · 14/03/2006 14:22

that is awful!
hope you can get a better response from the health visitor.
don't know what i'd have done without mine! she was the first to recognize my symptoms and the one that urged me to see a gp-along with hubbie and family.in fact, she was the one that managed to persuade me i was "ill" at the time.
please don't let this slip by---i'm pretty sure you won't. she really does need some counselling by the sounds of it. can't believe they're not offering her any.hope you get a better response next time.

TearsBeforeBedtime · 14/03/2006 14:28

Is your DD anywhere remotely near a SureStart area at all? As if she is, they may well have groups/access to counselling for PND etc, or even if they don't run something specifically geared towards PND sufferers, they often run exercise classes/pamper sessions that might be a good break for someone who is feeling a bit low.

Agree with others re:GP. If your DD is still feeling ropey 6 months down the line, then it will be good for her to know that her turn is about to come up for counselling, rather than having to start off on the waiting list several months hence. If your daughter has a very good HV, then they can be pretty much as good as seeing a counsellor, as Enid described.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 14/03/2006 19:37

Thank you for your replies, sorry it has taken so long to post back but I've been back at work, then straight round to dd's to make sure she was ok.

I phoned the surgery and asked if they could give a message to dd's health visitor to ask if she could visit dd and I told them my concerns but they told me that they couldn't talk to me because of patient confidentuality (sp?).

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not going to give up, I'll have to find another way.

OP posts:

tangerinecath · 15/03/2006 11:53

Surely patient confidentiality wouldn't stop them passing on a message that someone needs to see a HV? for you and your dd. Can you speak to the practice manager and emphasise that someone needs to help your dd and you are not happy with the treatment she's getting from the practice?

FrumpyGrumpy · 15/03/2006 17:30

My advice is to cut out the middle man. You only get the party line from the receptionists. Speak only to the health visitor. She doesn't need to reveal anything to you but you can explain to her. And if she's rubbish too then I'd encourage a change of surgery. Life is too short to put up with unhelpful people. (I'm mad for you!)

Another vote for SureStart. If you get nowhere with the health visitor then maybe she can give you the name of the local contact, or try on here for contacts in your area.

Keep going squirrel3 and hugely well done.

Original poster

Squirrel3 · 15/03/2006 18:28

I think I have found the phone number for the HV's direct line, I will phone her tomorrow and make her listen to me.

As for SureStart, I am a bit reluctant to get in touch ATM because I have an interview for a job with them 23rd of this month. It will be great if I get it because I will literally have the help at my finger-tips (so to speak) but I don't want dd's situation to affect their perception of me either way, and also if I get it the hours are shorter than my current job for much the same money so I will be able to spend more time with dd, so I will try the HV first. Either way I will contact SureStart after the interview and ask what they can do for dd.

Thank you so much for the support you have given me on here everyone.

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FrumpyGrumpy · 15/03/2006 19:32

That's great, I'm pleased for you about the job and wish you luck. I agree about dd, best to just do HV for now and fingers crossed she's on the ball.

Keep us updated won't you, I'm interested to hear how you get on. Love to your dd.

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