Please help, I'm a total mess after counselling

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

My second counselling session was this morning and it has totally floored me. I am shaking like mad, can't think straight and have spent the last hour vomiting.
I hate talking about what happened, actually that's a lie, I CAN'T talk about it. I hate dragging it all to the front of my mind and ending up like this. Does it get any easier? I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

Thanks Wellwisher, I am going to phone the gp at 1 when they reopen. Bizarrely I am feeling a little more positive today so I need to get this sorted while I feel capable iyswim.

You made a huge step, it is really such a shame that your counsellor was so unequipped to help you.

I hope your GP is more helpful.

Well I only managed to get a telephone appointment, no surprise really. She has written a prescription for a higher dose of the sertraline, and told me she didn't want to make a referral until the meds had started working
I just have to come to terms with the fact that there is no help unless I end up at A + E after taking an overdose.
I am still managing today, fingers crossed it will last.

Well I only managed to get a telephone appointment, no surprise really. She has written a prescription for a higher dose of the sertraline, and told me she didn't want to make a referral until the meds had started working
I just have to come to terms with the fact that there is no help unless I end up at A + E after taking an overdose.
I am still managing today, fingers crossed it will last.

I'm sorry your GP wasn't more helpful, and I hope the higher dose of sertraline will help you soon. I hope you won't have to wait too long once she does refer you. You are hanging in there as best you can.
Take care, and if you feel you are going to take an overdose ring the doctor again or the out of hours service. There should be support there before you get to an overdose.

Hi Cuppa

Well done on writing down what you wanted to say today. It sounds as if your cousellor was well out of her depth - although all counsellors do have to have more experienced supervisors, so they may be able to come back to you, or your GP with more positive ideas for moving forward. However, most importantly, you started to take control back today, in telling her what effect the counselling had had on you recently. You can set the pace now, by writing down what you want to say to the counsellor, or GP - and you can know that there are lots of us here rooting for you too.

Sorry that the GP couldn't offer anything more - although she may not be fobbing you off for too long. Some anti-depressants do take a couple of weeks to start to work fully. Wikipaedia has some interesting stuff on how effective sertraline can be, if you are able to google it. It may be that your GP thinks that counselling might be more effective in future once your meds are supporting you more fully. In the meantime, the crisis team, and MN, are still there for you if you need them.

Hope that you continue to feel a bit less shaky, now that another counselling session is not looming. You will have good days and bad days, Sweetheart, but hopefully you will have some good nights too, and start to re-establish some more sleep for yourself too. Your body and your mind have taken a real battering over the last two weeks. Hope that you can fit in lots of snuggles with dd, work on the blocking and relaxation techniques and build up your strength again . . . .

Still thinking of you

Thankyou so much. I am still managing, just. Getting close to dds bed time so always a struggle but I will hang in there.
If I do come close to taking pills again I think my best bet is to just phone OOH.
I don't expect anything from the counsellor now tbh.

How are you this morning OP? X

Dear Cuppa, coming back to this thread I see you have been having a really rough time. I am so sorry about that./ I agree with whoever said your counsellor is out of her depth.
I wonder if you would consider asking the crisis team for some in-patient help? I do think it is hard to try and do this kind of work and be all on your own: it is easier in a safe environment. Just something to think about.

Practical coping strategies: keep busy. I found things like needlepoint and knitting or simple sewing really helpful. Maybe a little crafty project with your DD helping would be an idea? It may sound silly but it gives you something other than your pain to focus on and the repetitive movement is really soothing. Also talk radio, especially something like Radio 4, or classical music. I spent years having to go to sleep to Radio 4 or the BBC World Service. Doesn't even need to be loud enough to listen to properly. It's just a sort of company for you.

You do need to try and get through this stage to get better, and it's bloody hard. But it is possible to get to a stage where the trauma is in the past, and distant, and you can't even remember the faces of the people who hurt you.

Please try ringing the counselling service and see if the supervisor will speak to you by phone. Your counsellor should not have just left you in that state with a 'come back in 2 weeks' , and I expect she knows it, so see if you can guilt them into some extra help.

I am not great this morning but not as bad as I have been.
Eldritch, I agree, keeping busy is certainly helping, the house has never been so clean!
I couldn't ask for inpatient help, going into hospital is just not an option for me. Sleeping somewhere strange is just too hard

I am tempted to phone the counselling people. I am really annoyed about it tbh. Even if she is out of her depth I would have preferred to have been told.

Do phone them. You deserve better care than this! Not sure about sertraline but some anti-ds do make you feel worse before they start working so hang in there.

I think I will. I'm just worried in case they say that no they can't help me, then what do I do? I believe if I hear that it may well push me over the edge. Hmmm decisions, decisions.

I think I will. I'm just worried in case they say that no they can't help me, then what do I do? I believe if I hear that it may well push me over the edge. Hmmm decisions, decisions.

Cuppa, it's good to hear you sounding positive and starting to feel more in control again. Hope that you continue to find other strategies for coping and moving forward.

You could phone the counselling people, but see if you can work with them to keep some support going. As someone suggested earlier, you could ask them if your counsellor is trained in dealing with trauma, and if not, whether they would be prepared to refer you onto a more specialised counsellor.

Alternatively there are some suggestions lower down the thread for other sources of help - books and online support as well as charities such as MIND or rape crisis. You are on a journey of recovery, Cuppa, and may find different organisations or different strategies work for you at different times . . . .

Thanks Longtallsally, I did try to phone the counselling service yesterday but apparently there is no supervisor available until tomorrow.
I am thinking about emailing rape crisis but I don't really know if I should. I mean, their funds are cut, I believe they have waiting lists. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure I should take up their time.

Thanks Longtallsally, I did try to phone the counselling service yesterday but apparently there is no supervisor available until tomorrow.
I am thinking about emailing rape crisis but I don't really know if I should. I mean, their funds are cut, I believe they have waiting lists. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure I should take up their time.

Do try the service again tomorrow Cuppa. And Rape Crisis if that it what you want to do. You are absolutely worthy of their time.

Of course you can contact Rape Crisis. They are there for people like you! If it helps, tell yourself that when you are better you will do something to support them.

Hi Cuppa

Just checking in to see how you are doing? Any joy with the counselling service yesterday?

As the others have said, you are only too eligible to phone rape crisis, when you need to. Echoing Wellwishers thought - you will one day be in a position to be there and help other people too.

Thankyou. I am going to email them on monday. I am not coping at all at the minute. The furthest I have made it to is the newsagents (2 minute walk) without having a panic attack
I didn't phone the counselling people back yesterday. Mainly because the thought of picking up the phone is sending me into a frenzy, also because I don't know if I am strong enough to stay away from the tablets if they say they can't help me.
Everything is just a mess.

I'm sorry to hear it. Perhaps try not to think too far ahead. Make a little plan to get through tomorrow. Monday can take care of itself.

Good morning Cuppa. Sorry that things are still hard for you - panic attacks are the pits, although IME they are also natures way of telling us that we shouldn't do too much too soon. Focus on looking after yourself and keeping things v. simple - eating a little, having a shower, having time with dd is quite enough. You are still doing amazingly though - even though it probably doesnt feel it for you.

Emailing the counselling people is a good alternative - but Eldrich is right - one day at a time. Take your time and keep on looking after you. Is dd at home with you this weekend?

Dd is home, thank god. I am really trying not to think about anything other than right now but it's so hard.
I do have a feeling that the counsellor will just say that she can't help me, just something about the way she was last week.
Oh I just wish I could make it go away. Unfortunately there is only one way I can do that

Sorry that you are feeling so low, Cuppa. I don't think that the counsellor will ditch you, as you fear. If she identifies that she can't help you/is out of her depth then she will be able to refer you onto another colleague with more experience. Alternatively she may find that, once she has met with her supervisor, she can take a different approach with you, and that she gets more support in working with you.

However, it will be up to you to decide whether she is able to hear what you are telling her, and whether she is able to move at a pace which is appropriate for you. You will need to give her the feedback on how useful the sessions are, or not. And sometimes, it is important to try different counsellors before you find the one that is right for you.

It can be frustrating having to move slowly, and make changes but on the other hand you have started out on a road which could be a fantastically important journey for you, into a new future.

In the meantime, you know that rape crisis will offer counselling and support which is very relevant to you, if they have someone suitably local to you. One of the posters below also suggested some online support groups and books too - you aren't alone, Sweetheart, there are others who do understand what you are going through and who can help you take the next steps forwards.

Cuppa, how are you getting on? I've been thinking about you. x