Please help, I'm a total mess after counselling

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

My second counselling session was this morning and it has totally floored me. I am shaking like mad, can't think straight and have spent the last hour vomiting.
I hate talking about what happened, actually that's a lie, I CAN'T talk about it. I hate dragging it all to the front of my mind and ending up like this. Does it get any easier? I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

08457909090 is the telephone number for the Samaritans.

Thankyou Wantto, I just think, well feel, that I'm beyond any help. I genuinely have tried everything yet nothing gives me a rest from it. I hate the fact that I'm a shell of the person that I used to be.

Its a vicious circle I think Cuppa, but some of the help you've been offered is quite new, as are the techniques and I think that given a little more time they might become more effective for you.

I wish I could help you more.

How are you today cuppa?

I am not good. Everything is just a blur. I cut again last night but don't remember doing it.
I have completely lost control, I don't know what's wrong with me

I am not good. Everything is just a blur. I cut again last night but don't remember doing it.
I have completely lost control, I don't know what's wrong with me

Oh sweetheart, you do know what is wrong with you: you are coping with probably the most difficult thing that people ever have to cope with. But it is nearly ten days since your counselling session. You have survived ten whole days. The flashbacks won't keep coming for ever.

You have had so little sleep this week - no wonder everything is such a blur! Can anyone watch dd for you during the day so that you can catch up for an hour or two's sleep during the day?

Please do talk to the Samaritans 0845 7909090. You may feel that you are beyond help, but it can't hurt to talk to them, can it? They have helped people who feel as you do before. They will just listen to you and be there for you - and we are here too.

x

Cuppa, can you call the crisis team or go to a+e to have your cuts looked at, tell them you can't remember doing it.

Dd is going to her dads tonight, another hurdle. For the best I suppose. I just don't know what to do. Everything is a mess. I can't think straight, I have made a pot of coffee, but can't remember doing it, what on earth is wrong with me. [Sad]

Pot of coffee is good. Mmmm. Don't worry about not remembering - sleep deprivation tends to do that.

Good advice from Natural about getting to a + e. Lots of people out there to help you sweetheart. Use them all at the moment, whilst you need them.

If dd is with dad tomorrow morning, then once you are through the night you can catch some Zzzs on the sofa in the morning, once it is daylight - flashbacks are less in the daytime, yes?

You are doing a great job. Keep on looking after yourself as much as you can. One hour at a time. x

Dd has gone now I can't go to a + e, I am terrified.I just want to curl up and never wake up. I am just in too much of a mess.

You can do it cuppa, if you can't get to A&E, try to call the crisis team. Let them help you.

I need to sort myself out. I am so scared

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. You need to find the support you need to get you through this stage, and keep telling yourself that the really painful feelings will not last forever. Can someone help you phone the crisis team or go to A and E with you? Thinking of you.

I am on my own. I have no one that I can call about this. I just feel so 'wrong'. I don't know how to describe it. I am hoping and praying that it is just the tiredness.

You are exhausted Sweetheart. Can you put CBeebies on, curl up on the settee with a blanket and snooze? Don't expect anything of yourself - just look after yourself. You will feel strange - very strange. But dd will be back tomorrow, and you can use this time to get a little stronger, for her. (How old is she, by the way? Tell us a little about her. What does she like to do?)

When you have done that set yourself simple tasks to get through the rest of the day. Aim to snooze for an hour, have a little to eat, have a nice shower, then have another go at MNetting . . .

Thinking of you

I am having a lie down, just too scared to sleep.
Dd is 3, a real little star
I just feel so lost at the moment. I wish I had someone that I could rely on to look after me, but there is no one. Even my own mother

I am having a lie down, just too scared to sleep.
Dd is 3, a real little star
I just feel so lost at the moment. I wish I had someone that I could rely on to look after me, but there is no one. Even my own mother

Keep talking to us on here if it helps. I'm sorry you don't have anyone in real life you feel you can share your feelings with. I hope you get some rest even if you can't sleep.

Aw Cuppa, you have everyone here you can rely on, we can't do much in rl but can be here for you on line just to listen or chat.

LongTall is right that sleep deprivation will cause you to forget things, can you change how you sleep, maybe try your DD's bed tonight? taking the diazepam before hand and setting your clock for say 3 hours might help, that way you get some sleep but wake up before the rem/flashback stage?

I have managed to have a quick shower and get changed. The urge to take all the tablets is overwhelming. I just can't get rid of the thoughts. God this is so hard.

Well done on showering. Have you got some kiddies DVDs you can watch - something nice and gentle?

Please keep your dd's photo near to you, and think about her coming back to see you tomorrow. She will be so looking forward to being home again with you, in just a few hours.

Please do call the Samaritans during the night if you need to, or the crisis team. Samaritans 0845 7 909090. They will get you through the night.

I will be saying a prayer that you can get a couple of hours sleep. (Try a glass of milk - there's a natural chemical in milk, which helps calm the mind and aids sleep - plus it's a good food too.)

Thinking of you

Thinking of you here also Cuppa.

Long's suggestions sound really comforting, I hope that they might help you a little.

I am lyihg in bed. Everythinh is sppining, I hate thi so much.

I am lyihg in bed. Everythinh is sppining, I hate thi so much.