Please help, I'm a total mess after counselling

[CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss]

My second counselling session was this morning and it has totally floored me. I am shaking like mad, can't think straight and have spent the last hour vomiting.
I hate talking about what happened, actually that's a lie, I CAN'T talk about it. I hate dragging it all to the front of my mind and ending up like this. Does it get any easier? I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to curl up in a ball and never wake up.

The Samaritans won't make you talk about your trauma; they will listen to you and help you get through how you are feeling right now. Perhaps you could ask your counsellor for advice on whether you should be on meds.

Also there should be some sort of crisis type mental health team in your area. You will be able to contact them yourself, and they will help you. You will need to be honest with them about how desperate you are feeling, but again they WON'T insist you talk about what happened in order to help you.

Wantto, you don't sound bossy at all, I have an appointment at the gp next week, made last week, was the first one available. I will give them a call tomorrow though, hopefully an emergency one will be available.

Wantto, you don't sound bossy at all, I have an appointment at the gp next week, made last week, was the first one available. I will give them a call tomorrow though, hopefully an emergency one will be available.

CCBB, hope you are OK, and that you manage to get some rest. Will check back tomorrow to see how you are.

Please do cuppa, unfortunately you might have to explain to the receptionist why you need a same day appointment, so you could decide what to say beforehand. Maybe something along the lines of "this is very difficult for me to discuss but I'm struggling to the extent of contemplating suicide, I want to get some help and I need it today".

You sound very brave by the way.

I honestly think a councillor could actually do more harm than good (apologies if this offends any councillor's). They are fabulous at talking therapies and the like. However, a trauma as deep and distressing as yours surely requires a psychotherapist a first step.

I believe that the NHS can provide the help you need and deserve, but you may have to insist that you receive it......

Thankyou both, I do agree that this counselling is not suitable at all. I can't go on like this.

Thankyou both, I do agree that this counselling is not suitable at all. I can't go on like this.

Hope you manage to get some sleep. I will also pop back into this thread in the morning to see how you are.

Keep posting if it helps, if this thread goes quiet you can always start another- there's always people somewhere around the world available to hand hold.

Another night of sheer misery over with. God I just want to sleep, that's all, surely it isn't too much to ask!
Now to just make sure I get a gp appt, easier said than done.

Cuppa. Hang in there and be quietly insistent on seeing ye gp today. Good luck and take care

Thanks Salbertina x

Let us know how it goes. You're never alone- there's always someone- MN, Samaritans, MH professionals..get all the support u need. x

Good morning. Hope you have a better day today. Let us know how you get on. x

Morning Cuppa. Really hope you manage to get a GP's appointment today, asSalbertinasaid you might need to be quietly insistent. I really think that your GP would be failing in his/her duties if they don't see you today.

Thanks everyone. I managed to get an appointment, she has put me on 50mg of sertraline. Only given me a weeks worth and made another appt for next week.
I'm feeling very shakey at the minute, sorry for the short reply.

Well done cuppa. I'm pleased that your GP has given extra help and will see you again next week. I wondered if she might offer you some help in the form of a psychotherapist, but I'm not medically trained- perhaps its not the way to go.

I hope the medication helps, I'm not sure about what side effects you might get but I believe some of these types of medication can take a while to kick in and have some initial side effects- so you might need to wait a little while for these to subside and to feel the benefits.

You could consider keeping a diary to show to your GP when you go back next week- that way she can see how you are feeling.

I really really hope that you feel better soon.

The gp said she wants me to carry on with the counselling for the time being. I'm not so sure but was in no fit state to argue iyswim. I'm just glad it's over now, I'm absolutely exhausted, how come even the simplest thing like going to the doctors can take so much out of me.
Trying to take things one hour at a time but still struggling. The thoughts are still there and it's so hard to ignore them.

Hey cuppa im sorry your feeling so down

You are certainly not a failure, my DD is still watching telly in her pj's too

Have you tried writing everything down?

Thankyou Puds, dd is in her usual spot watching Come Outside
I can't write it down (sound like a right idiot don't I) part of the counselling 'homework' is to write down how I'm feeling when I get panicky or anxious but I just can't get it out. Every time I do feel anxious it's related to what happened so thinking about it again to write it down is just too much.

You do not sound like and idiot at all. My DD is watching Mike the night

When you are not being made to think about, does it still remain at the forefront of your mind, or are you (to a certain extent) ok?

You are going through the feelings now that you had to block while you were actually going through the trauma. I guess you have been diagnosed with PTSD? The fact that you are on here and sharing is a sign that you are being resourceful and seeking help when you need it. You are probably hitting rock bottom right now and things can only get better from here on. Stay strong.

This experience is something that is part of your history and you will one day be able to live with it as something that happened to you but something that you have recovered from and can learn from. You are already learning to fight and be strong.

You also mentioned that you are worried about being a failure as a mother and it's vital that you get support with that bit. Letting your kids stay in their pajamas until 9.30 in the school holidays is not a bad thing. Mine are still in theirs and it's 12.30. You are the only Mum your child wants right now, all you have to do is be there for her, and you are.

Do you think something like running or the gym would help? You might be able to get support with childcare in order to do something like this.

No Puds, it's always at the front of my mind, I am always on edge about it.
Achillea, PTSD has been mentioned. I long for the day that I can learn to live with it but I don't see it ever happening. Every part of my life is affected by it. I am absolutely skint at the moment, yet twice this week I have had to pay a small fortune in taxis just for shopping and to go the bank because I can't get on the bus without panicking. Unfortunately there is no way I could go to the gym (too many people) and running would terrify me (can't go out alone), not that I could afford it tbh.
Childcare is another issue, dd starts nursery next month and the very thought of her being in the care of somebody else makes me feel ill.

This may sound a bit silly, but have you got a wii or xbox etc.(the consle thing)?

There are some dance games you can get for those which are great fun and you could do it with your daughter. My DD loves them. The exercise will hopefully help you feel a bit better without you having to leave the house or arrange childcare. It will also entertain your DD.

Doesn't sound silly at all. Unfortunately don't have either.