Just had to tell my whole story again..

[madmouse]

Been referred back into the IAPT system and following a telephone consultation was asked to attend a primary mental health assessment today.

And hour with a practice therapist once again going through the lot - attachment issues, s. abuse, ds's problems, the PTSD, the pain the lot.

She was lovely and good but it was hard to do it again. And she says I manage my anxiety so well, that I'm already applying CBT techniques and that I've come so far. Nice but I'm sitting there because I don't feel I'm doing so well right now!!

Good thing she is going to talk to my old therapist to see if she has any imput, also good she will refer me for individual CBT. Bad news, 3-4 months wait.

I'm shattered and not able to think through what we talked about.

Just venting. As you were!

oh, and diagnosis anxiety, OCD tendencies and self esteem isssues. Surprise.

Oh madmouse you must be exhausted, big hug xxx

Does it help to have a diagnosis?

I agree you must be exhausted so take it easy tonight.

FAB nothing I didn't already know so it doesn't really change anything.

Madmouse - it's hard to believe that you have such difficulties because you always sound so rational on these threads and are able to give very good relevant advice. Not sure why I'm saying that because I can tap away (like now) when I am feeling crap myself. It sounds like you already knew what your issues were about before getting a diagnosis - are your OCD tendencies around your little boy. I recall you saying that you had to keep checking his temperature recently? Do you take any meds for the anxiety.

Hope you can have a peaceful restful evening after all that today.

Thanks Becky FAB and NanaNina

Nana I ahve been checking ds's temp obsessively but I'm managing to kick that more and more now, unless I'm very stressed. It has been other things in the past. Never been quite OCD as I tend to be able to stop it getting that far, but it means I'm constantly fighting it and it's getting exhausting.

After a recent disaster with citalopram I'm not on any meds at the moment. I'm not willing to try another AD and I'm not happy with whatever else is out there as it is usually very addictive.

That must have exhausting (mentally, emotionally and physically). I hope you get some decent CBT offered.

Hi madmouse, just wanted to reiterate other posts - you're so so supportive and kind to others that it's hard to believe you have your own issues to deal with.

I hope you're able to find more support and that you feel better soon.

Thinking of you :-)

Thanks Natsyloo - I've been a lot worse than this but I don't remember so well how I got through that other than with a lot of day and night help from friends.

Managed to cook tea, give ds a bath while having a hot shower myself and cleaned the bathroom a bit. Washing machine is running and I'm feeling ok now, just really tired. Hoping to speak to my good friend tonight but i think he has some issues of his own to deal with tonight so that may have to wait.

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.
As you know Madmouse I am quite new to the mental health threads as I have had recent issues but you have been able to help me quite a bit so far. Just wanted to say thanks and hope you get better soon

Thank you CanI - was thinking about you later this morning wondering if you had taken your pill!

Well it sounds like you've managed to achieve quite a lot in what has clearly been an exhausting day.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hope you get some rest and are able to chat to your friend.

Sounds an exhausting day madmouse. I also find those initial consultations where you have to repeat everything again very draining. Hope you managed to get some rest.

Citalopram was so awful for me too it took me months before agreeing to try a different ad.

Had a really rubbish night and feeling a bit low today. Carrying on as normal in the hope that it will sort itself out later. Am making good progress with project 'clean all the windows and woodwork including skirting boards', ds had his physio at 9am and we are going swimming with my friend and her daughters later. Work again tomorrow.

Feeling a bit despondent at no real help for 3-4 months and having to carry on.

madmouse I've been thinking about you yesterday and today. You are doing really well. It must have been very tough yesterday and it is no wonder you had a bad night. You told me the exact same thing when I had a few bad nights after I started CBT and the things that were going around my head weren't even on the scale of what you have to deal with. So I'm sending you a big hug xxx remember this will pass and three months will pass. You are such a help to so many people on here, I can't put into words how much you and GetDown have helped, you are going to be ok. You need to allow yourself to feel low and rubbish today, its to be expected. Have a relaxing day today, enjoy (well, not sure that's the right word) all the cleaning, and swimming. Take care of yourself and be easy on yourself.

Thanks Becky for that hug disguised as MN post x

Of course you are right - I know that x

hi madmouse,

Sorry to hear you're struggling. You responded to my posts before which i found very helpful. I hope you receive all the help that you need.

It seems that so many peoples lives are blighted with MH issues but at least on here there are so many others who can relate to and offer support to one another.

Take care,

Tracey. Xx

Thinking of you madmouse, big hug xx

Hugs too. You have such inner strength which you have tapped into. Everyone needs a bit of downtime to recharge. Say well x.

Thank you for all your kind words x