Meeting with psychiratrist tomorrow.
Am already on 150mg/day Lamotrigine, and Zimovane when I need it to sleep (which I think has been more than not recently, but I have bad memory so DH keeps a note) and have had diazepam, but I only have two left so am keeping them for a mega emergency. I also have the occaisional coedine for joint problems.
I'm just so anxious, my mind doesn't stop, but I can't actually think about what I want to think about, if that makes sense.
I'm obsessing over things - eg at least once a day I have to run off to the loo and check my c section scar isn't coming undone and I panic if, for example, DH tuches it or my knicker elastic rubs on it. I don't have any children under one, so in my hea I know it won't undo, but doesn't stop me thinking it will.
If the kids start crying I just can't cope, well I do cope, but I feel so out of my depth. I used to be able to dal with it and now I just panic. Making a meal for them just seems impossible - I technically know how, but to actually get the ingredients togather and keep them away from the sharp and hot things and not injure myself or forget about the stuff cooking, then feed it to them and not cry if they just throw it about...all I seem to be able to do is give them tomatoes (even them I pick from the greenhouse as I forget to bu stuff) and ham and cheese and bread, or microwave leftovers from when DH cooked.
I'm not sleeping unless I knock myself out with sleeping pills. I feel fine in the day, until something goes wrong then I just can't cope. My mood is just wildly all over the place.
I just need a "starighten out my thoughts" pill or something. Don't saycounsilling beause I have had that loads, I've been like this forever.