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Mental health

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Original poster

Husband took an OD week ago on Tuesday

19 replies

OlaMamas · 29/04/2011 00:33

Not been here for a long time (as in Mumsnet).... probably 3 years.... (Had a very difficult second child) but can't tell anyone about OD because hubby would feel worse and struggling!

OP posts:

BaronessVonEvenstar · 29/04/2011 00:50

didnt want this to go unanswered.

How is he?

MrsShrekTheThird · 29/04/2011 01:17

why not tell us then? :)

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 29/04/2011 02:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmouse · 29/04/2011 08:53

you do need to tell people - you have needs too (been on both sides myself)

shodatin · 29/04/2011 20:54

Sorry to hear this. Hope he is getting help and that you are getting support; if not, suggest Mind or GP as good place to start.

culturemulcher · 29/04/2011 20:58

You poor thing. How are you coping? How is he? Is he talking about it and getting some help?

HRHUrsulaBuffay · 30/04/2011 00:18

How is he? How are you?

Original poster

OlaMamas · 08/05/2011 23:25

Struggling... Thankyou soooo much to those who replied. Still under crisis team... up drinking to get thru although have got DH to bed so feel I can have my wallow time as opposed to having to g up everyone else!!!!

OP posts:

fit2drop · 08/05/2011 23:57

If DH is still under crisis team and is at home I am assuming you mean Home treatment team, is this correct?
If so they are there to support you too and to recognise the problems you are having.
Has your DH been allocated a care Coordinator, if not speak to the CMHN attached to your GP and discuss whether your DH fits the criteria. He probably won't if he does not have poor or enduring mental health problems , however even if this episode is a one off you can ask CMHN or crisis team for info regarding being referred to MIND or any local mental health support network .
If this fails then speak to Samaritans, they are always there to support families of people with MH issues as well as those that feel suicidal.

I hope you and your DH find the support you need,
drinking will not make the problems go away, but it may inhibit your ability to deal with them .

Original poster

OlaMamas · 09/05/2011 00:14

No co-ordinator been issued... has a different member of crisis team every other day.... Not under GP at the mo until crisis team discharge him. u sound like ur in the know..... I know drinking isn't good but when Ive manged to get dh to bed without a crisis I spose at the time it feels a great release....I know its not the answer but what is??? My dh tried to leave me in the most final way ever... we've been togeth longer than we've not... from 15.... til 37...X

OP posts:

fit2drop · 09/05/2011 00:31

Well you know that drink isn't. you are self medicating with alcohol and ok that may help you sleep but tomorrow you still have to face the problems.
Go to bed now OlaMamas. The shock of what he has tried to do is the hardest thing for you to recognise right now .
Things will be clearer(though possibly harder to accept) but decisions that need to be made will be made with a clearer head.
Its hard love, no one ever promised it was gonna be easy, but to be fair on you there is no point in chatting (typing) whilst you have been drinking.
I will look out for your posts tomorrow if you want me to , or PM tomorrow night.
Take care

superdragonmama · 09/05/2011 00:59

Poor you, hope you can sleep peacefully, and wake more refreshed tomorrow. What a dreadful shock. Don't have anything useful to say, sorry, but just want you to know there's lots of people here who can offer good advice, and that many more here thinking about you, myself included.

fit2drop · 10/05/2011 00:09

Just popped in , was wondering how you are today .
I hope the lack of posts is because you are feeling better and more able to cope with things.
Take care OlaMamas

livinginazoo · 10/05/2011 18:29

Oh my - this is something I live in dread of happening to me. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but am sending you positive thoughts and lots of big hugs. You have to find someone in RL to talk to, even if it is your GP, or a friend you can trust. Living with a depressed H is incredibly tough on your own mental health, but this is so big, and you deserve a drink! Just remember even if you feel that he was trying to leave you, this had nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing. This is his illness and his mental health. You sound like you are a huge support to him, and you should be proud of that.

Original poster

OlaMamas · 04/06/2011 23:21

Gosh.... so much support thankyou.... spose the reason I've not been back on is because I rarely get a minute away from H!!! And the only time I do is when I manage to stay up longer... (which is rare... coz I lurve my bed) He had another "incident" last Tuesday and is constantly up and down! Just had a night away watching the best boy band in the world with friends and h and couldn't stand him touching me, holding my hand and dreaded bed time.... scared whats happened has killed what we had for good. I'm sooo angry and as much as I love him I can't stand him at the moment! I know it's an illness... but in fairness, he has never been easy. so confused!

OP posts:

madmouse · 05/06/2011 09:05

I can only say that what you are feeling is normal. In a very real way he's given you a message that he didn't want to be with you anymore, and he's upset everything that is worth anything.

Not much by way of advice other than to aceept how you are feeling and not make any firm decisions right now.

cestlavielife · 05/06/2011 20:55

you need to talk to someone (GP, counsellor, friends)

who is looking after you?

you dont have to be with h 24/7 it is ok to accept help so you get a break...

you could both go to talk to family therapist/relate counsellor together to talk about this to be honest about what has happened and how to move forward.

but how has he "never been easy"? is there more to that?

Original poster

OlaMamas · 06/06/2011 23:03

Lots more. He has always been hard work, moody and had issues with his family. He is a complicated insecure soul. Who can appear arrogant and obnoxious but he is disguising a lifetime full of insecurities. I still never thought he was capable of what he did though. However had a better evening last night and am discretely on here whilst he is watching some rubbish on the telly!! Just feel drained!

OP posts:

livinginazoo · 07/06/2011 13:45

You have every right to be angry, that is a healthy reaction to what he has done. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. I have a depressed husband, who despite getting all the right treatment, still goes awol very regularly and came home very last night lounged around downstairs until early daylight, then came up and woke me to tell me he nearly jumped in front of a train last night. And I have no doubt it is true. But other than contacting his psych and letting him know, how the heck am I meant to feel. I am just furious that he is looking for the easy way out, when I have been at his side fighting this illness with him. I think that anger is just a coping mechanism. Otherwise, what worry, stress, anxiety? I will end up depressed too. I have just heard the threats so many times, and when it is someone you love, it smarts, particularly as it is such a real risk.

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