oh my i pick Xmas eve to have a meltdown.

[3andahalfmonkeys]

just need to write this down. i have had a horrible couple of days and could feel things building but nowhere to run iyswim. things just haven't gone as planned and i wasn't in control and my world fell apart. i found myself having a really wierd phase. struggling to breathe etc. although had depression for ages have never experienced anything like this before. i have ruined Xmas eve. :(

whats getting to you, is it because you are supposed to be happy and you arent?

sorry you feel down...got the tshirt so i know where you are right now.

i am supposed to be happy though - it's christmas. today just hasn't gone as planned at all. normally when kids go to bed. me and dh prepare veg and have a glass of wine but tonight 2yo wouldn't settle and i ended up falling asleep with him till nearly 11. why do i NEED everything to be perfect.
i really don't want to be here - i am just going through the motions.

You know if I could i would post a huge banner right above the MN Mental Health section

'You don't have to be happy just because it's friggin Christmas!'

Because you don't - and you can't make yourself happy by kicking your own bum.

It's ok, Christmas is overhyped, overrated (well the commercial side is for sure)and in the grand scheme it's just another day to get through

Be kind to yourself, Christmas can actually be a tough day when your mental health is wobbly.

try not to want everything to be perfect. when i was really low my doctor said something really profiund to me because i wanted everything to be perfect. And guess what,thats not real real life. But what doc said was,try to achieve 10 % below what you normally call perfection and make that your new perfection. Believe me ,the words were pearls of wisdom and i stopped trying to be that perfectionist.

being a perfectionist makes you depressed long term.

i went through the motions too yeaterday. everyone else enjoyed the massive xmas spread and me Im f*ing knackered after catering for 15 people on the 23rd as well.Next year i am not doing xmas.im too shattered after it all.

hope you are ok