Lelarose Desperately Depressed #2

[thatsnotmymonkey]

Hi Lela, I hope this is OK, come over here. We will all be here for you. xx

Yes tethers, I think we can safely assume that I am experiencing an anxiety disorder xx

I've also made a huge mistake that I dont know how to correct and that is not a safe feeling for me.

Well done for not doing the things you mentioned. You should be proud of yourself.

Lela you are right about the sleep, try and get some. I think you need to give Ds a goodnight kiss from us all, and sending you a big hug too.x

Well it could be a fake account or email me or anything, don't need to know who you are in real life. Hope you manage to sleep soon though, I'll still be about so just post if you need someone to talk to.

Thank you all so much for helping me get through this evening.

Talking of meds, I am going through all this on a tiny dose of sleeping medication so that i can still breastfeed (am not pychologically ready to stop completely) and that is also why I'm not on antidepressants.

Depression and anxiety are such a curse it hellish.

Thank you all I am going to have to try and sleep now.

If I still feel this bad tomorrow I think I will have to reconsider hospitalisation.

Hope you have a peaceful night Lela.x

tethers so sorry, just read your first post there (must have x posted with you). You have put it so well, about the fantasy and transfering my feelings about the gender to the name.

You are most likely right I just dont know how to get past this.

Thanks for getting in touch its really good to hear form you again xxx

i've been awake all night, any time i drifted off I had wildly anxious dreams and was too scared to sleep.

I have a splitting headache, a hayfever type allergy and a cold.

Ds slept through the night and I was awake and I cant describe how frustrating that is.

I dont know how to get through today. I tried to get help last night from my friend but couldnt contact he and I'm scared to call dp as he's really had enough of this.

Lela sorry you didn't sleep. You must be feeling so tired. That makes things harder to cope with doesn't it?

You must know Lela that you need to get some help. You have tried but can't cope with this thing on your own. Lots and lots of people get help and although its normal to feel scared, you will look back and think "thank goodness I did get help". You don't have to do this alone, you need someone in rl.
I really think you should phone the Mother and baby unit.

Please be kind to yourself, and phone the unit Lela.x

just diving in quickly, lela - phone the unit. You won't be alone in there, you'll be looked after and safe. Please phone them - you don't have to struggle on like this alone.

You've done so well so far, but this constant struggle is exhausting you, and you need to give yourself a break. You deserve it.

Just seen that we'll need to start a new thread. Hang on.

ds is next to me in bed whining I cant move I literally cant function

Here's the new thread, everyone.

Lela is your phone near you? Can you just phone the unit, or phone Dh and tell him you need to go in the unit.

I have called him and he says we will get through this but I dont think i will. He says we are not changeing ds's name and I dont think I can come to terms with that.

I dont know if you have ever faced the prospect of taking your child out of his perfectly nice home and making him live in a psychiatric hospital, but I cant make the phone call right now sorry.

No I haven't Lela, but your DS doesn't mind where he is, as long as you are there.

He will never remember he was in a hospital. Even if he did he wouldn't mind because you would be getting help.

You have to break this cycle Lela. Please get help for yourself.
Tethersends posts last night were so so good, could you reread them?

Lela, please don't go. Please phone the unit. I know it's hard, I really do, and I'm sorry about the new thread - I should have asked, and I'll get it deleted. No one is fed up with you, they're not, they care about you and want you to get better. No-one here has to post - we can walk away whenever we want to, but we do because you're worth it, ok? Please be kind to yourself and get some help.

Your baby only cares about being with you. He couldn't give a stuff about the hospital.

Would a new thread just called continuation 3 be ok?

Look - I'll make the thread, link to it, get the other one deleted, then it's just there as an option. You can use or not use it, then, without any pressure.

ok look - new thread here. I feel like I'm trampling round like an elephant today, lela, sorry. You have been in terrible black spots like this before, and you've clawed your way out. You can and will do this.