My pool, my rules

[MulhuddartDrive]

I love swimming but when I go to lane swims it reminds me why I don't go more often... When I run the world leisure centre, my rules will be:

1. pick the right fucking lane for your speed. I know I'm a medium plodder so I stay with the medium plodders. If you're in training to be Michael Phelps, please go join the fast lane.
2. if you're taking a breather don't wander around taking up the entire end of the lane so I can't pick a point to turn.
3. or spend 5 minutes chatting to your honey, so the two of you are cluttering up the end of the lane.
4. also breather related, don't half sit under the water looking like you're about to push off if you're not going to.
5. please acknowledge in some way the person trying to work out if you're going to push off. If you choose not to, stay put so they don't crash into you.
6. after lolling about for the second half of my length, then actually acknowledging me passing you, don't immediately start swimming after me so you're all but tipping my heels the whole way. A couple of stroke lengths is courteous.

It would appear my lane issues are all turning related - who'da thunk it? What are your swimming bug bears, so I can have more arguments and compose snotty posts in my head while I'm plodding up and down the pool in the medium lane

being built ( the deep rectangle is where we swim, the shallow sides are planted regeneration area)

me in it not completed though

a few weeks ago :)

we are vvv lucky to have the space; building it ourselves it cost less than 10K and about 2 stone in lost weight each! Anyone who wants a swim in the summer just PM me and we can set it up! (central England just south of Watford)

Walkers. Personally I’d have them shot.

In fact, I’m more fond of the walkers in the walking dead that I am of walkers in my swimming pool.

Bucking your pool is amazing.* I hope it’s too deep for walking.*

Weekfour indeed it is! that was a core feature of the design...

I think shooting walkers is a touch harsh - can I suggest a 'cherry picker' machine is installed so that walkers are simply picked up and lifted out of the pool and deposited on the edge? This can be repeated until the message gets through. Swimming pool. SWIMMING.

Bucking crikey that looks cold at the moment! I wish you were closer - I could do with some open water practice but not in the snow!

My solution was to swim at a quiet hotel pool! Rarely have issues.

The small pool has one proper lane (for fastest person or only length swimmer), then it is accepted that there are two "lanes" next to it for slower swimmers (only once has there been more than 3 people doing lengths when I've been there). Then the other side of pool by the steps and jacuzzi is for walkers, children, floating, handstands and other messing about.

The only problem I have had is when I've gone at the same time as the unofficial aquafit class. They take up all space bar the marked lane.

Please can someone install a cherry picker device in my pool for walkers - that would be genius.

Slow swimmers who swim in the empty fast lane but then don’t move over when it fills up...that was this mornings swim.

I've been surprised at what a good work out Aquafit is, actually... so if it's 'on' when I'm at the pool, I just do it, then go back to swimming.

I'm really bad at swimming and can't do strokes with my head in the water yet

And I can only do one length without stopping to rest.

I don't go in the lanes though, just the 'free swim' area. You still get some arsehole swimming underneath me rather than around me.

God this makes me appreciate my gym pool which is wierdly Empty at lunchtime

But the men annoy me . The fasts that hang in the medium lane

I am completely on board with the shooting of walkers. And anybody that swims slower than me.

I want a "fast for a small woman" lane.
My fast is too relative to who's in the pool. I front crawl fairly well so I'm faster than the decent breast strokers in the middle.
I struggle against a pack of splashy men doing an impression of front crawl.

Splashy men must complete a competant technique course before being allowed into a lanes session.

I'm kind. I favour alternating strokes but only do it when there's a lot of space as my speed varies too much on each style.

point 1 the lanes are relative to who is there some days i might be in the fast lane other days in the medium lane

A lot of this applies to cycling, strangely. Men, don't overtake me and then slow the feck down right in front of me. Also, don't give the impression that you are Chris Froome on the green light, only to slow the feck down after seven seconds, you lose.

Bucking, that pool is amazing. Will you get ducks in it?

Ok so I now have an irritation at my quiet pool.

Don't leave clothes and bags on the changing benches whilst you go swim/sauna/jacuzzi - there are at least 40 empty lockers available to use but only 6 small changing benches (only get 1 adult per bench area). Made even worse by selfish cow leaving her bags on one corner bench (there are only two corner benches and I like to change in a corner as it's easier to keep body hidden and means that there is space to get DD changed next to me).

I think a suitable punishment would be for bags to be removed and either binned or thrown in the pool.

Also if you are finished getting dressed and just want to blow dry your hair and/or put makeup on, take bags with you to the hair and make up counter, don't leave them on the only other corner bench.

Oh and don't use spray deodorant in a basically unventilated changing room. It causes me breathing difficulties. Either use a stick/roll on or spray it once outside.

If there is an empty lane, get in it. Do not come and get in my lane with me. It’s ridiculous when the pool is almost empty but someone comes and gets in the fast lane with you despite there being an empty medium lane. We don’t NEED to share!

Equally, if there is a slow lane available, don’t get in the medium lane and swim head up breaststroke and complain at people swimming steady front crawl.

Make sure you have your own pile of pool bouy and kick board (our pool has more than enough) before you start. Don’t steal mine where I’ve laid out my nice little workout plan and I’m obviously using them.

The lane system is RELATIVE. Just because you normally swim in a certain lane, doesn’t mean you always do. If the blokes from the masters squad are in the fast lane, don’t try to join them unless you can actually keep up.

No lanes are for small children to be clinging onto their parents or doggy paddling.

If there is an empty lane, get in it. Do not come and get in my lane with me

So that’s a funny One . Typically the pool has 3 lanes so if there is only one person in
Middle I will also head there . Hence leaving slow for the slow that will inevitably come along . I think people should stick to their lane and adjust to their neighbors

I hate getting in MY lane and there is a selfIsh fast man in there .

So don’t agree on that one

Splashy one length men need their own lane. You know the ones.... the ones who do one length fast in poor crawl and then have to have a five min pause.

Nice, dry changing rooms would be good.

Bucking that looks amazing!

I gave up swimming because of this!

Bucking your pool is lovely!