How long can vascular dementia progress in very elderly parents?

[RantingMenoWoman]

My mother has been diagnosed with vascular dementia several months ago (I have been working abroad for the past 18 years, and still am, so she has been under the care of my brother and SIL.) She is kind of okay, living in their downstairs granny flat, but there are increasing concerns about her remembering to wash / eat and drink. We can tackle that, with help. The main issue is that things appear to be coming more acute, but also particularly the sleeping. She will sleep all day if she got the chance so they try and at least get her up for by mid afternoon, even if she is dozing again by 8pm. She is 94, diagnosed two years ago but it has been in the background for a good few years before a solid diagnosis.

I suppose what I really want to know, and struggle to get a clear answer, is how likely these things can drag on? My brother isn't a brilliant communicator at the best of times, and I am wondering if I will need to try and get back to the UK sooner rather than later for longer rather than the AL I use to currently come over.

I have a horrible feeling that people can just go on and on, which is no quality of life but I am also wondering if the exacerbated symptoms can mean deterioration is getting faster.

I don't mean to come across as cold hearted, I am just trying to think in black and white and practical and sensible terms rather than letting my emotions dictate. I can't get a sensible answer via my brother, so I was wondering about asking on here as there are many who, I suspect, are in similar positions.

Thank you.

My MiL was admitted to hospital in 2020 with COVID induced paranoia, later diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. She never returned home, just prior she was still safely driving, great social life, managed her immaculate house.

She died in 2025 aged 86. During the last year of her life she slept lots, was bed bound, incontinent and did not recognise anyone.

Prior to that last year, she had chest infections and UTI’s. On four occasions we were called to her nursing home or hospital, sadly, to say our goodbyes. Time from work, a four hour drive each way. One time we were nine hours away on holiday. Such sadness. Each time she recovered. Even that could be mixed feelings, she would not want to be how she was.

We can smile now, but on one occasion, we decided to come home, after nights of sitting with her. We said our goodbyes, even though she didn’t know who we were. Cried all the way home, hardly slept waiting for that final call. It never came. We rang the nursing home the next morning, to be told ‘yes, she is fine, she is tucking into eggs on toast, in the dining room!

It was a very emotional and surreal time. She was a strong, professional, efficient lady who retired, fiercely independent, volunteered locally. Her worst fear was how she became towards the end of her life.

The British Heart Foundation has a useful 1-7 stage descriptor for vascular dementia. As my DM is locked in constant hallucination, paranoia and distress, I’d put her at stage 6. I hope we never get to stage 7. I hope she is released before that.

@AboutTheTotal your mum sounds like mine was.