Please can anyone offer any advice

[Kimmints1]

Hello all,
My mum passed away a week yesturday and there is a ongoing dispute over my mums final wish for funeral. My dad got funeral plans for them both but my sister is being so cruel by cutting me out of funeral arrangements and my mums funeral wishes. On the plan it states burial but her plan was amended 3 times once for me to hand her control of it and she also changed it from cremation to burial. In 2022 our family dr came to talk to my mum about putting a DNR in place,and the Dr suggested having the horid conversation concerning there wishes with my mum as her progression of dementia was worsening,and that we did, myself sister daughter and mum and dad. My dad said dig a hole put me under my shed, then he said I'm joking. I wasn't to be with my wife, we're evert she is I want to be,cremated. My mum said she would like to go with her dad and brothers cremated. My sister now is causing such family arguments by saying that's what's on the plan, I'm sick I'm obstructing the funeral to go ahead. Although I have proof through diaries and safeguarding issues I raised, and also a letter I sent to my sister beforehand expressing my mum wanted cremation and that the talk happened between us. I have always said my mum wanted cremation. To get you to understand,it comes down to greed, my mum and dad had savings in the home and my dad had said the funerals are taken care of the money upstairs was to help me and my sister after they had gone, for a while and to help there grandchildren too, but my sister has told me I'm not having nothing, that's all I think about. It's her that is causing this problem, as to get my mum buried,in a plot alone with my poor dads ashes above her. It's not about the money it's about doing what my mum wanted and my dad,but she is like a spoilt child and not even acknowledging the conversation with my mum and dad,saying I'm lying, but it is in black and white and drs knew my dad's counsellor social services the drs. What can I do as my mum is laying in state at the moment and it's breaking my heart

I’m struggling to make sense of this all

but ultimately whatever your father says… goes. And in any event - that is on the plan. Burial. End of matter.

The last thing your mother would have wanted is this kind of cat fight between her daughters over her funeral

My dad got funeral plans for them both

two people have died?

My dad passed away in Dec 2024 and my mum a week yesturday

The prevailing plan, whatever that is, is the one to be followed.

Your sister was your mother’s sole full time carer.

Let your dad decide, your post is a bit confusing but I ultimately think it is up to your dad, i am sorry about your mum.

So what I'f the plan has been changed when my mum didn't have capacity, to what she didn't wish for. It's ok to do that?

Your sister was the sole carer for your mother and despite you reporting her to professionals with safeguarding concerns they concluded saying my sister is doing everything she's meant too, and it's sibling rivalry

And now you’re behaving like this. Disgraceful

My mum and dad have died, if my dad was here ,he knew that they both wanted to be cremated together,

The plan wasn’t changed
The plan prevails
and you accept your SISTER was your
mother’s sole carer and butt out with your drama

This wasn't clear, sorry. How do you think this will be resolved of you go round and round in circles like this?

@Dolcecof, I'm doing this as it wasnt my mums wish for burial, so it's ok to go against my parents wishes

My god I have just read your precious threads

your sister was the carer for both your mother and father

and you have hit your sister in the past

I am willing your sister on

@Lomonald I am willing to go to solicitors or court for injunction, I'd I'm wrong I would hold my hands up to it, but I can't watch my poor mum go into a grave when she wanted to be cremated with her dad and brothers, that's disrespectful

The plan was for a burial

apparently during her years of dementia she changed that plan but you never bothered to progress formalising it.

It is what it is. Butt out

But the plan says burial. Do not obstruct the funeral. That is a terrible thing to do. You’re behaving very badly.

What evidence do you have that this women, with dementia, didn’t want the plan she signed off for a burial?

You’d be laughed out of court when they discover your sister has been the sole carer for both your parents for years

AND the plan states burial

You would go to a solicitor to get an injunction? Your poor sister dealing with this nonsense just let the funeral go ahead according to the plan.

Sometimes you read a thread, and you end up really wanting to give the other person (the sister in this case) a big hug.

Can I just check I've understood:

Your dad died some time ago and was cremated. Your mum originally said she wanted to be buried but changed her mind and wanted to be cremated like your dad but your sister is saying she must be buried in line with the original plan?

The situation with my sister previously wasn't nice but she did verbally torture my dad, if you read my posts you will see how she was mentally abusing my dad, it was a very nasty jealous toxic situation that I had to pull myself away from. Which cost me precious time with my parents, everyone has a opinion but to live it is to believe it.

Team sister here

the one who has dedicated the last few years to sole carer of your parents and has an physically abusive sister.

Does it really matter? They are both gone and I'm sure the last thing either of them would have wanted is you two fighting over their funeral plans. If your mum is buried your dad's ashes can be buried with her so they are together, if she is cremated her ashes can be buried with his. Let them rest in peace.

This, honestly just this. Actually if I was the sister I would go for a direct burial/cremation and by pass a service.

My mum originally wanted cremation but the plan was changed to burial, and my sister asked to take over mu mums plan in 2023,also got my dad to write a letter in 2023 to make sure they knew it was for funeral, also @Dolcecof my dad and mum suffered mental distress with my poor sisters controlling manipulative behaviour, my dad weren't allowed to do anything,talk to his family.i could go on but it's about what's right by my mum