If your parent died in a nursing home could you answer a few questions for me please?

[Kayemm]

Did you buy thank you gifts for the carers?

If so, what and were they individual, group or a combination?

My mum and I had favourite carers but how would I arrange a gift for them? A label that says To Eastern European Cath and not Cath from round the corner doesn't seemthe best course of action!

Did you go to the home as part of the funeral route?

Did you leave the funeral flowers there afterwards? I may start another thread about this in general as I've no idea what to do with almost £200 worth of flowers that doesn't seem a waste.

Thanks

Why don’t you ask the nursing home for details of the carers names so the gift will reach them?

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

My mother was in a care home a very long time and died recently. I gave the carers gifts every year at Easter and Christmas - not to individual carers as that seemed unfair, they were always 'for all the staff'. After she died I sent a thank you card, again for all staff.

She had a direct cremation and I told them the time and date so they could think of her. You could ask if the care home if they would like the flowers but I wonder if it might seem a bit morbid in that setting if they are obviously funereal (if you see what I mean). It's worth asking.

I would absolutely thank you and your Mum's favourites individually. They will have brightened her day, having them attend to her rather than someone else and should be complimented for this.

Hi my mum died in a nursing home, she’d only been there six months but they had a big turn over of staff do I only knew a handful of staff.
I took individual boxes of chocolates in a few days after she passed, I asked if they could be shared between day and night staff.
My mum had a direct cremation, then her ashes were buried in the family grave we left the flowers there.

I sent the care team where dad was some lovely flowers, a card and after the funeral they had the one big spray of flowers to put in their rose garden.

I also sent a thank you email to the manager for all the care dad received and the kindness of his care team, they were truly so good to dad all the two years he was in there.

Re arranging gifts for her and your favourites. Perhaps email the care home to give them a heads up, then drop a bag containing said gifts into the office. I would get a general thank you all card and chocolates as well. Sorry to hear about your Mum, it's a tough time.

My dad died in a care home at the start of Covid. Rather than donations to a charity (instead of flowers) people made donations to a fund for the Carehome garden which my dad really enjoyed. We raised about £300 and they bought a water feature and bird boxes.
i sent the 3 special carers individual gifts to remember my dad by plus a thank you card to the Carehome and sweets and biscuits for the staff room. As we only had one bit floral arrangement I put that in my mums grave.

As by the time mum died her house had been sold.
The funeral started from the carpark.
Herse and 2 family cars.
4 staff came to the service.
We only had one very large wreath and at the end of the service
we asked if everyone in attendance wanted a flower to remember mum.
The rest went in the memorial garden.
I sent a hamper of nice teas/coffees and some juices.

Mums care home wouldn't allow individual gifts for carers.

We didnt have a funeral route as such, but the home was conveniently close to the crem and some residents and carers came to the service.

No flowers other than one wreath for the coffin, and I have no idea what happened to that.

Sorry for your loss, OP
We donated the balance in DM’s extras float for the staff Xmas party.
we said the only proviso was that DM would want to buy the first drink and get the party started…

I worked in a care home. When one very long term resident died they did a collection at the wake and divvied it up amongst the staff. Otherwise there were the odd thank you cards and tubs of chocolate that were shared amongst the staff.

I don’t think carers were allowed to accept individual gifts. At Christmas for example they would accept and said thank you but then all gifts were put into a lucky dip so everyone got something.

Never saw funeral flowers. I don’t think they’d be very keen although I appreciate you’d like them to go somewhere.

Took about 12 of the staff out to lunch and bought chocolates and biscuits. My Father had been in the home for a few years as had very complex needs. He had taken a lovely wardrobe he had handmade by a Carpenter in to the home. I offered it to his favourite carer who was delighted. He really loved her and she was glad to have a very nice piece of furniture and something to remember him by.

When my Dad died we took in a large hamper with sweets, chocolates, biscuits etc along with some Asian sweets and dates and so on so we had foods from all cultures.

We also made some lemon drizzle cakes for the hamper.

The manager shared the contents out.

When FIL died we weren't allowed to give gifts to individual carers. The most they'd allow was day/night staff.

They did allow cards for individual carers though. We also sent a letter to head office thanking/praising the individual staff as well.

We also went in at Christmas (he died in September) and made a donation to their staff night out.

Took a plant in the day after my dad died when I went to clear his room. He’d not been there long though. Mother in law died in hers in covid times , don’t think husband did anything but he’d never been in as not allowed so didn’t know any of the staff.

Worked I'm care homes for years, nicest thing is a letter or card for that individual thanking them for what they did. Please do also send a letter/email to the manager with the same compliments so they can share with head office (assuming not independent) and also use as evidence to cqc in their case studies.
Most appreciated "all staff" gift was cases of fizzy drinks, most staff run off energy drinks and coke and are inundated with boxes of chocolates and biscuits almost every week anyway. We also had one family who bought boxes of Krispy Kremes periodically, everyone looked forward to their visit.

None of them were particularly nice or standoutish. All I gave them was some chocolate and a card because while the care was not problematic it wasn’t exceptional either.

Yes, sadly they hadn’t looked after him well. I resented paying the fees let alone giving them a present.

My mum had dementia and was in a care home for 2 years. At Easter and Christmas, I took in cup cakes for the staff. When she died I wrote 6 cards with personal messages to 6 staff . The staff had different responsibilities, 2 were nurses, 2 were nursing assistants, 1 was the clothes washing lady and the other did the social organisation. I felt that they had all gone above and beyond for my mum and in the cards I put a trinket, my mum wasn’t a jewellery person but she had a few costume brooches and scarf pins. They were really emotional about them and the “ laundry “ lady kept saying “ I just washed her clothes”. That wasn’t true. If she was putting clothes away in mums room, she would always talk to her and on a couple of occasions she noticed mum was wincing in pain and immediately went to get help. She was truly lovely to my mum and definitely went over and above her job title. She had never received a card or thanks like that before and was so emotional.
I thought 6 musical dvds for the home that my mum loved like, sound of music and guys and dolls etc . That was the beginning of a weekly film show . As music seems to survive Alzheimer’s the residents loved them and some relatives added to the collection. As for the funeral, the cortège went from my home ( as mums had had to be sold to pay the care home fees) and we only had flowers from immediate family, a collection for the Alzheimer’s association was contributed to by anyone else who wanted to.

Myself and my dad took a thank you card and some good biscuits in for all the staff when my mum died. They were absolutely lovely. Even kept in touch with my dad for a year after she passed as they were worried about him being on his own.

My FIL was in a care home for the last month of his life and they were lovely.
We got them a big tin of posh biscuits for the staff room and a thank you card. 2 of the carers came to his funeral so we handed them over then .
My FIL didn't want flowers - we had a collection for his favourite charity
Sorry for your loss

My DM was in 2 care homes. I took flowers from her funeral to both homes, but just the posies

I’m sorry for your loss. When my dad died he’d only been there 6 weeks or so. But 2 staff stood out to me and I bought them a £25 voucher (one of those that you can spend in loads of places) and I bought a voucher for the nurse who to be honest I didn’t like but I didn’t want to rock the boat much either. We didn’t go past the home (in fact my mum refused to ever go down the road again). I hand delivered them when I went to collect his belongings the day after he died. When my uncle died he’d only been in his nursing home 24 hours (different town) but the manager was so amazing both before his admission and in the days afterwards I send her an M&S chocolate and wine gift set. (Interestingly that nursing home sent me a sympathy card and a bouquet of flowers - the one dad died in did nothing).

Re. flowers you can get 'living' wreaths which are planted with flowers or even succulents which can then be planted out. Mum now has Dad's flowers in her garden.
eg. https://www.britishblooms.co.uk/product-page/eco-friendly-living-wreath

Thank you all.

We're also going to be leaving from a car park, the church and crem are very close but the home is 5 miles away so I think we'll give that a miss.

Mum has some cash left in her hairdressing fund so I'll donate that to staff funds and email head office regarding the exceptional staff.

I love the living wreath but one of her friends has a florist and they are doing the wreath.

I'll ask the home or let the church have them.

Thanks so much for your advice, so many little things to think about.