Last minute care home admission - what do we need to remember?

[BishyBarnyBee]

My mother in law, who has struggled with short term memory issues and was diagnosed with terminal cancer in September, has taken a sudden turn for the worse. The cancer support team have been brilliant and arranged emergency admission to a highly recommended nursing home for end of life care described as likely to be "weeks to short months".

She'll have family visiting at weekends and a son who can pop over in an emergency. But it feels a real rush sorting her out for Monday.

I've thought about labelling clothes and making sure they are comfy and easy care. Obviously she'll need toiletries, hearing aid batteries, medication. Her knitting and a book, though she might not be up to either. Some cash. Some sweet treats.

We're also thinking about house security, bins etc.

Anything we might have forgotten? Anyone been through it and can tell us what you wish you'd known before?

Thanks.

I'm sure someone more helpful will be around shortly, but framed photos of family and places that she loves?

Home visuals such as family photos treasured ornaments.

photo albums to look at

Will she have a phone in her room? My Mil couldn't use a mobile but could still use an old school phone so we printed out a list of family phone numbers for her, with "dial 9 for outside line" at the top

I’d send some bits to make it familiar and homely- family photos for the walls, a favourite blanket, whatever. Maybe a tv/ music system for her room if she’s likely to spend more time in bed.

You’ll need to inform her house insurance. Most policies are invalid if the property is employ for more than 30 days.

I hope she’s comfortable and settles well. Having a few familiar belongings as well as clothes and toiletries - pictures, blankets etc can be really helpful.

A vase or two. Take some daffs, maybe a planted pot of bulbs. The smell can be a bit alien - I'm always opening the window in Mum's room - so flowers that smell of something are always nice. I always make sure she has high-end soap, face cream and lip balm as well with smelks she likes, it can be very dry in there.

More clothes than you think she could ever wear - even labelled, they get lost.

Some personal memories - photos, mementoes, maybe wedding album if that’s her thing. Things that she cherishes - label them too.

A couple of cosy throws for her to snuggle into. Cosy nightie/ dressing gown/ bed socks. My experience suggests that patients can sit around for a while before they are fully dressed so something to keep them comfortable.

A nice luxury - lovely hand cream etc, if she can use this herself. It can be so very impersonal especially emergency admission.

If anyone is receiving attendance allowance for her then you'll need to check on the rules as you may no longer be entitled to it.

Don't send cash with her,often things like hairdressing, podiatry, newspapers and magazines are billed by the home. They dont like having cash around so no allegations of theft can be made. Labelling clothes is good, but do not send anything likely to be ruined in the laundry, things go missing and she may end up wearing something not hers. Label everything including shoes and slippers. I would inform her house insurance as it may be invalidated if she isnt there for more than three months and contact council tax as they may offer a reduced bill. Can you arrange for her mail to be re-directed, perhaps to you so that it can be dealt with. Consider cancelling her landline if she has one, broadband and any TV subscriptions. If she is able to use a mobile phone remember to send a charger and if not consider a very basic phone so that she can make and receive calls (if appropriate). As others have said personal photos, a vase and flowers, perhaps a nice shawl as a change to a dressing gown just to put around her shoulders. Speak to the care home before sending in food or drink in case they need to monitor her diet for any reason.

If she has glasses, hearing aids or false teeth try and label them

You seem to have a good plan! Lots of good advice from previous posters.

I agree with @Dearg , about having a lots of clothes for her, not only for the reason that they might get mixed up in the laundry. Another reason is that it's good to have plenty of clothes to be able to change clothes, in case of food spills, or any kind of bodily fluid getting on them.

Pack for 6 months at least, not 6 weeks.

Wow, thanks everyone for the quick and thoughtful responses. Lots I definitely wouldn't have thought of. Really helpful, so much appreciated.

If her house is going to be empty, check things like the bread bin (yep from experience!!) and empty the fridge... the freezer can wait a while. Have someone go in and run the taps, flush toilets every so often, and open windows, give it an airing. (then secure it before leaving). Make sure bedding from her bed gets washed, check wash basket and back of washing machine and tumble drier for any clothes that might be dirty or wet. Check the oven is clean and not about to go furry, ditto any things like chip pans etc. Any bins and food waste caddy need emptying and cleaning.

MIL house was left for 8 weeks. O...M...G.

I would say some lovely hand cream. It can be a very soothing thing to rub cream into her hands when she is unable to do much more. All the very best.

Don't send in any dryclean only clothes!
Photograph any jewellery that she is wearing - wedding ring/engagement ring, in case her fingers shrink and they are mislaid. It may help them to be found.
Put a sticky name label on her glasses too.
My mum really appreciated a large cuddly toy with her when she went in.

Some personal favourite items like photos or a small ornament.When DH’s aunt went into a care home she asked us to get a clock which displayed the day and date as well as the time so she wouldn’t lose track of what day it was . Make sure any clothing you send in can be tumble dried.

I would put automatic lighting in her home to discourage break ins.

Also send in any walking aids she uses, and an airtight tin/container for biscuits/sweets. If she likes to wear makeup on a good day include it and nail varnish in her favourite colour as often the care staff or volunteers will paint the residents nails. A small quality radio (labelled) in case she doesn’t want the tv on. You can get simple big buttoned mobile phones that you can pre-load family numbers into.
A favourite blanket (labelled) is often comforting.

AgeUK have a whole guidance document about this which might be helpful, they are a brilliant resource and have helpline support too if there's anything else you need

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/siteassets/documents/information-guides/ageukig06careehomesinf.pdf

Photograph her ‘moveables’ to include rings, glasses, dental plate.
Consider removing her rings altogether
I did a bullet point list …
Mum likes Rice Krispies and can eat two bowls
Mum likes her clothing to be tucked in and always wears long sleeves
Mum always has cold feet
Mum prefers apple juice
Mum loves meringues
if you give Mum a huge smile she will match it and call you, Darling

Are there any family members who can take and return laundry? As pp said, lost laundry happens frequently. If your MiL and the care home know to stash used laundry, family can bring in fresh and remove used laundry. Benefits are that clothes will smell nicer and more familiar , and stay in better condition. Plus, they are much less likely to go missing. Just a thought.

Some good advice here already...just one more. Make sure (really insist) that you have a copy of whatever medication you mother in law has been prescribed while in hospital, in what amounts, etc, including pain relief...the home has a record of medication administered (MAR chart) which they stick to rigidly....anyone reading this who can correct/advise, please do. If it is a rushed discharge as they want to free up the bed (as my Dad's was), things get missed. Also, I found it helpful to talk to/get a hug from someone at the hospital not directly involved..the Admiral nurse or chaplain, but you have to find them. Sending good thoughts for all of you.

My DSF was placed on end of life care last year. He was already in a care home but ended up in hospital with an infection. Because it was formalised as being on an end of life pathway, his care home fees were paid for when he was discharged. As it happened, he only lived for another week but I was told that all his fees would be covered until he died.

Sadly can I suggest she might not want to take any jewellery, things can easily go missing (not necessarily staff but visitors and other residents too) and if she gets admitted back to hospital it’s often removed and not seen again.