Mums LinkedIn photo

[TiredMumOrMidlifeCrisis]

So… my mother is retired but dabbles in a few startups. She is still very active on LinkedIn and send plenty of messages on there, including to my sisters contacts. They work in the same industry. My sister has manage to pave a really nice career for herself whilst mum stayed at entry level throughout.

The main issue with all of this is, her profile picture is pretty much her dressed up in a Halloween costume with fake hair, huge cleavage and a crazy hat. She is 70+

How can I open up a conversation with her about this and get her to change it to a more normal looking photo!?

I’m worries that if I’m to direct she will go all teenager on me and say: I’ll do what I want!

please find a way to word it for me!? Thanks!

What does your sister think? Has she asked you to intervene because it's causing problems for her?

Does she actually have a reason for messaging your sister’s contacts? I wouldn’t want my mum messaging my contacts at all (in a way that linked her to me). The photo seems secondary.

She sounds fun!

I think I'd go along the lines of people perhaps might not be able to recognise her from the picture she's chosen with it being a little whacky. Good luck OP!

My sister is very stressed about the whole situation, more so than me. She has asked mum repeatedly to not contact her contacts/bosses/etc, but she won’t listen.

I offered to talk to mum if I can think of a good way to bring it up, but I’m struggling to find a good way that will produce the best outcome for all…

The photo just makes it worse, but at least if she didn’t look so bonkers then people would probably just glance over it when reading her crazy comments.

I think she is using it for attention, but it’s not in a good way, not eve in a fun way, more of a very cringe awkward way…

Can your sister block your mum and tell her she's decided to come off LinkedIn?

Prob not as my sister is actually has a really nice career going and collaborate with people all over the county including meetings within the government on projects. So not really an option.

Whilst mum has no reason to be on LinkedIn what so ever. but she loves it and posts lots of strange stuff and videos of herself.

she could possibly block her, but not sure if it will help…

There's an article on the BBC website about people using AI to generate professional-looking profile photos to use on LinkedIn - perhaps use it as a way of explaining that LinkedIn is for professional use, not like Facebook? But it sounds as if you have a bigger problem than just her profile pic.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-67054382

Thank you @Plexie and well interpreted! We do have a much bigger problem and we are aware, but this feel like the picture is something we can actually achieve and it will have some impact on my sisters stress levels… Can’t see how we can get her banned from LinkedIn or respect any boundaries we’ve asked for. It is like dealing with an unreasonable toddler with potential mild dementia tendencies that refuses to listen… it’s not easy… but the picture would be a small step in the right direction.

I would love to see this photo! 😂😂

I would love to see the photo too!

how can she message your sisters contacts directly though if they’re not LinkedIn together? She wouldn’t be able to do this unless she has LI premium

In any case your sister can block her (without saying so obviously)

However frustrating this may be, I don't see that you can do anything to stop her.
Your mum is her own person, you are not responsible for her, nor your sister. LinkedIn is a platform open to anyone. Her photo is her own choice and whatever messages and posts she publishes are her own choice. Other people on LinkedIn can choose to be connected with her or not, so if people are seeing these videos then it's because they have chosen to. Your sister's contacts don't see your mum's posts unless they are also your mum's contacts, and if so they will have chosen to be.
Is your sister concerned because your mum is sending messages to people saying "I'm (sister's) mum please can we work together?" or is your sister just embarrassed at the idea of your mum being in the same industry area?

You are right that all of this is outside our control and that is how we/I have been treating it for years now.

She does contact my sisters contacts, as in private messages, anyone can do that right? I’m not very clued up on linkedin myself.

She wrote a really long email to my sisters contact about her whole life story and also some work related things about getting him to buy her(unsuccessful) company, but it is all so sad and embarrassing. She then asked him not to tell sister about the email, hence revealing she is her mother. He messaged my sister asking what/who this crazy person was. Very awkward.

God that's awful. No wonder your sister is stressed!

Does your mum have the help she needs? Could you get into her account and lock her out/delete it secretly?

I would be massively stressed too, I use LinkedIn quite a lot and would consider this an attempt to discredit your sister and assuming she is still with it, malicious.

First of all get your sister to set her contacts list to private, then block your Mum. It should help prevent any further damage.

Scratch my last message! Reading your updates OP it's more than the photo that's the issue. This is way more strange/extreme than I originally thought! I can't offer any help as I'm not very savvy with LinkedIn but good luck! Sounds like you'll need it 🤦🏼‍♀️

This is very tricky, it sounds as though your mum is attention-seeking.
Usually mums care about their daughters though - would she respond well if you point out that LinkedIn isn't like Facebook and her actions are actually harming your sister's career? And ask her what she would like to achieve as there may be better platforms for her to be on to do that? She could set up a Facebook business page instead perhaps?

In the meantime, you could offer to take a more professional Linked photo and upload it for her. (While you're there, have a look and see who the hell she's contacted!)

From your sister's pov, at least for now, I'd be telling anyone she's contacted that your mum is a bit batty and to ignore her messages.

Yes it’s not a nice situation… will tell my sis about the private contact list and suggest blocking mum. Think a lot of damage has been done unfortunately and mum has managed to “befriend” lots of contacts as people often just accept a request right!? 🙈 Her photo was not always as bonkers as it is right now…

Thanks @Distantview yes she has pretty much said as much to the people she knows has received emails from mum. She is just really worried about the people she doesn’t know about… 😳

Yes, good plan with “helping” her with it and also snooping a bit. Might have to attempt something like that.

she used to be on Facebook a lot and posted all sort of crap.(photos of meals, random pigeons, you get the idea) but didn’t get the attention she was hoping for. On LinkedIn she gets to pretend that she is an entrepreneur and an innovator and gets to hang out with “her people”. She attends a lot of virtual meeting, that are open to anyone. Luckily doesn’t get to speak, but still. Books her life around it, ie: can’t meet you for lunch today TiredMum as I have a meeting at 1pm. Treating it like it’s a job… 🙄 Don’t think anyone replies to anything she posts, but as she comments on so many things she feel like she is “part of it all”…

Then she will come around on the weekend, or stay over and behave like a normal grandmother to the grandkids and us. Like a split personality almost… it is all very strange…

It does sound though she struggles to find purpose and status in her life post-retirement and perhaps also needs some extra income?

Giving up fulltime employment is a huge, huge life change.

If she doesn't need the income, is there some voluntary work she could do which would use the skills she does have to good effect?

She has always been strange though, and very self centred, but it is def getting worse, and more extreme. And it's not really impacted us before. No, that's a lie, it's impacted us our whole lives and she has no idea, but that's for another day. But now it's impacting my sisters professional life instead of of "just" our mental health.

Could possibly angle her towards voluntary work, but not sure if she will be interested. Possibly if it was the right thing, like pretending to be the CEO of a successful company... 😂

Think I might try to combine the AI image creator idea with the "helping" her to log in and also having a little snoop around, idea! Thank you! Then perhaps I can log in every once in a while to do some damage control... Seriously... So now my kids are no longer toddlers I have to babysit the mother... 🙄

I'd lie and tell people she has dementia

CouId your sister maybe message all her Linkdin contacts and say that her mum is a bit bonkers and just to ignore her? I’m older myself and not sure how this platform works so apologise if this suggestion itself is bonkers …

I know the word narcissist gets thrown around MN like confetti, but it does sound like she’s getting a lot of narc fuel from LinkedIn, as in this:

On LinkedIn she gets to pretend that she is an entrepreneur and an innovator and gets to hang out with “her people”. She attends a lot of virtual meeting, that are open to anyone. Luckily doesn’t get to speak, but still. Books her life around it

You also say there’s a lot of history of her making your life difficult. I mean she’s sabotaging her daughter’s work life right now.

Either your mum doesn't understand what she's doing, or she does?

If she does, it would make me very angry, because she's making life deliberately difficult for her own daughter.

If I were your sister is message all her contacts to tell them it's possible your mother is ill, that she's messaging people inappropriately and could they all delete her as a friend and not re-establish links.