Mums LinkedIn photo

[TiredMumOrMidlifeCrisis]

So… my mother is retired but dabbles in a few startups. She is still very active on LinkedIn and send plenty of messages on there, including to my sisters contacts. They work in the same industry. My sister has manage to pave a really nice career for herself whilst mum stayed at entry level throughout.

The main issue with all of this is, her profile picture is pretty much her dressed up in a Halloween costume with fake hair, huge cleavage and a crazy hat. She is 70+

How can I open up a conversation with her about this and get her to change it to a more normal looking photo!?

I’m worries that if I’m to direct she will go all teenager on me and say: I’ll do what I want!

please find a way to word it for me!? Thanks!

Getting your DM to stop isn't really an option on the table. You've tried and failed. I think your only option is harm minimisation.

That means locking down your DSis's LinkedIn and any other social media so your DM can't see her contacts or any of her activity, and probably your DSis proactively contacting anyone she suspects your DM may have already contacted to say "if you are contacted by $Mum, I apologise in advance, I've asked her not to contact people in my network, we have concerns about her behaviour". Most people understand having a difficult relative and will be very forgiving.

"If I were your sister is message all her contacts to tell them it's possible your mother is ill, that she's messaging people inappropriately and could they all delete her as a friend and not re-establish links."

Absolutely! Then block the mother from Sister's account. In addition, it's totally reasonable for you both to tell your mother that if in future she contacts any of your colleagues or friends for any reason, you'll stop seeing her because you are not putting up with her selfish behaviour. Be firm and don't feel guilty. She needs to know what the boundaries are in your lives and that you're serious about sticking to them. If I did this to my adult children (I wouldn't) they'd go bananas and I'd be in the doghouse for ages (and quite rightly).

Perhaps your sister should un-connect with your Mum, then she won't have access to her contacts.

I'm surprised your Mum isn't getting loads of creepy contact requests, I get an annoying amount with a dull picture.

Oh gosh what a nightmare! Lots of good suggestions already about blocking, setting things so only sisters contacts can see her contacts etc… I agree with all of them

I also wonder if you could take would be to suggest she gets some professional help with “optimising her LinkedIn Profile” as part of her innovator/entrepreneur activities. One of those social media or “personal branding” consultants. I’m sure they would immediately pick up on the wacky photo and inappropriate messaging. At least that way someone else gives her the message too. You probably need to find someone for her and brief them in advance - cos risk is otherwise they recommend asking your sister for introductions!!

Yes, you are all so right… we have been putting up with her crap for so long… you know the whole boil the frog thing. And when it’s just a little bit at the time and when it’s your mum you just put up with it. Its now when I’m seeing your guys reactions to this that it’s properly hitting home how crazy this is…

Us daughters have also used the word narcissist in conjunction with her plenty of times, so it’s not an easy task to handle or situation to be in…

I don’t think she will ever come of LinkedIn, I think she loves feeling like she is part of it… In a way it’s good that she has something to do, but it is getting very destructive. Will chat to my sisters again, and we might have to come down really hard on her and tell her to stop contacting people on it.

don’t think my sister can message all her contacts either, there are about 500 of them and not sure she would be comfortable doing that… but perhaps she must… 😩

That is a good suggestion @Daffidale, perhaps that can be her Xmas present from me! A 1h session with a “career advisor! “ anyone who will be able to put an end to the crazy 😂🙈😭

I'm pretty sure your sister can change her privacy settings so no one can see who all her contacts are?

Or she could go for the nuclear option and just block her on LinkedIn.

Also... I'm not sure how savvy your mum is with passwords and so on, but if you can guess what hers is you could probably get into her account and delete the whole thing. Blame it on being hacked.

@MargotBamborough I was going to suggest that because it's definitely what I'd do but I chickened out of saying it! Glad you did! My version was to keep her account but get in and delete all her contacts while the sister blocks her.

Your sister can report her to LinkedIn for harassing her and her contacts.