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Elderly parents
Original poster

Who would provide these caring services?

51 replies

AutisticLegoLover · 02/06/2023 10:22

•Housework
•Gardening
•Shopping-online and actual shops for groceries and clothes, shoes, items for the home
•Bill paying
•Organising birthday and Christmas presents, buying and wrapping and •sending
•Buying and posting Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc cards
•Emotional support 12+ hours a day
•Arranging transport
•Decorating for Christmas
•Cooking
•Booking appointments for GP, dentist, hairdressers etc and arranging transport there and back
•Liaising with healthcare professionals
•Arranging for jobs to be done by tradespeople and paying them
• Organising mobile phone and utilities
• Personal care eg nail care, eyebrows, showering, dressing
•window cleaning (inside)
• carpet cleaning
•jet washing the drive
• Helping with forms and paperwork
• Speaking to finance companies

I've probably missed some things but that's a good idea. Who would do those things?

OP posts:
EmotionalBlackmail · 02/06/2023 10:55

TBH it usually seems to be a family member who gets landed with most of this stuff. Cleaning, gardening, cooking (to a limited extent) can relatively easily be outsourced to different companies and paid for but the other stuff, ad hoc things like organising gutter cleaning or house maintenance, are much harder. And the 'cooking' is really just microwave meals or possibly making a sandwich.

We dealt with a lot of it for elderly relative by her going into residential care but it was only an option as she could afford to pay for it. She would never have been eligible via social services. That removed all concerns about cleaning, laundry, house maintenance, organising hair cuts etc.
But family member still had to have POA to be able to organise payment for all this stuff. And things like birthday card buying and sending, buying toiletries etc still had to be done by family member.

Icedlatteplease · 02/06/2023 10:59

Usually a family member

EmotionalBlackmail · 02/06/2023 11:01

We also found that, whilst the home said in advance they could organise transport and someone to accompany trips to hospital etc, in practice they really wanted a family member to go with her. Presumably because of staffing numbers etc.

Had a few battles over that one as this was quite a distant relative in terms of relationships (with no other living relatives) who physically was also several hours away, but there was still an expectation we could just rock up for anything and everything.

rileynexttime · 02/06/2023 11:02

Agree - family member .

HipHipWhoRay · 02/06/2023 11:03

A lot of that usually falls to family members. As per PP, you could outsource some of it. Find a mobile beautician, gardeners, cleaners etc but all at a cost. Maybe if they had a ‘house keeper’ other tasks could be done and some emotional support too. Tricky. Unpaid women’s work usually…

rileynexttime · 02/06/2023 11:05

Housework,gardening ,jet washing drive ,window cleaning (inside or out )- tradespeople .
Why are you asking ?

rileynexttime · 02/06/2023 11:06

Majority aren't what I'd call "caring" ,but normal household stuff .

cptartapp · 02/06/2023 11:09

I would hope that as an older person unable to do those things I would outsource as many as possible and let my family member (usually adult DC with jobs and families) free of the burden. That's what I'm saving for.
Granted, there are still many 'jobs' that fall into a grey area.
It's not unreasonable to pay for a cleaner or gardener for example. PIL have saved all their lives and are extremely comfortably off, spending nothing. The money piles up. I would be very annoyed if they expected him to bleach their toilets and cut the grass from the house they refused to leave before it became unmanageable.

FeatherFern · 02/06/2023 11:09

Are you thinking of offering those services? I think it's called concierge services.

Mumof1andacat · 02/06/2023 11:09

Sometimes, a family member but certain things could be outsourced, such as gardening, cleaning, ironing, and jet washing. You could employ a care company to help with washing and dressing. A person would need some sort of power of attorney to speak with financial companies and health care services. Some care companies will also do light domestic duties like food shopping and clothes washing.

DogInATent · 02/06/2023 11:11

I've probably missed some things but that's a good idea. Who would do those things?
Assuming family aren't picking these up, then you're looking for a Personal Assistant - although for a lot of the things you list a PA would be organising other professionals to come in (e.g. gardener) within the remit of organising tradespeople.

Original poster
AutisticLegoLover · 02/06/2023 11:12

Sorry, I should have said if a family member can't do it.

OP posts:
Icedlatteplease · 02/06/2023 11:18

Honestly...

Depends how wealthy you are.

You can pay for carers and handymen, they do it. Social services may pay for a limited amount. Otherwise it doesn't get done

Rapidtango · 02/06/2023 11:21

If someone needs that level of service I think sheltered accommodation would be worth looking into.

Ilovetocrochet · 02/06/2023 11:35

In a word - no one!

Even a care home would not do all those things such as sorting out birthday and Christmas presents or dealing with finance companies. However, at least basic care and medical needs would be met but someone would need to organise selling the house and ensuring care home fees are paid.

I guess if there are no relatives, then when an elderly persons needs become so great then Social Services would have to step in and apply to become guardians but I have no idea how this happens.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 02/06/2023 13:02

Unless your rich and can afford, carers, cleaners, gardener, handyman and a PA.
No one.
Arranging to sort out birthday and Christmas presents aren't a priority to send to people.
Even in 24 hour care home hairdressers are outsourced, you would have to arrange for your own beautician. They wouldn't arrange gifts and cards to send to people. Your room wouldn't be decorated for Christmas but the care home would be decorated.
If no family could arrange finances etc and the person couldn't do it. It would be down to the council

SheilaFentiman · 02/06/2023 13:10

yeah, no one, though a care home would cover a lot

SheilaFentiman · 02/06/2023 13:14

So my dad’s care home would sort out a GP to visit, also dentists, opticians, hairdresser, they cut nails. Obviously house work and gardening and utility bills are all covered.

12h emotional support - well, there are staff around and the residents talk to each other so kinda?

ditalini · 02/06/2023 13:16

If you are very wealthy then you can pay someone to do most of these things (emotional support I'm not so sure about, but I guess you can buy anything if you've got enough cash).

Personal assistant for the admin/shopping
Housekeeper for all the indoor household maintenance jobs
Groundskeeper for all the external domestic work.

TheShellBeach · 02/06/2023 13:39

If someone needs assistance for all those things, OP, and the family cannot do anything, it is time to consider residential care.

GoalShooter · 02/06/2023 13:46

My PILs have moved into a retirement living flat. It seems to be a good stepping stone between living independently and a residential care home. They are finding things much easier now than trying to cope in their own home.

HarrietJet · 02/06/2023 13:49

Strange question. Do you mean who could you employ to do these things? Or are you assuming it would be covered by some form of social services provision?
It won't.

Hairyfairy01 · 02/06/2023 13:58

If you were really rich some private 'care agencies' can provide a live in carer (they normally rotate every 2/3 weeks). Helping hands I think one is called. But you are looking at 1000's a week I believe.

Growlybear83 · 02/06/2023 13:59

Until she went into a care home, I did all of the things on your list for my Mum, with occasional help from my husband or my daughter when she was still living in the UK. My Mum wouldn't accept carers and was in complete denial that she had dementia, but I arranged for her to have meals on wheels delivered so that I knew she was having one hot meal each day, and towards the end of her living at home, I found a wonderful care agency who were happy to let my mum think they were befrienders rather than carers (which made a huge difference to her accepting them), and someone went in late afternoon for four nights a week to sit and talk to her, make a cup of tea, adn heat up a ready meal for her.

I suppose the only other option would be to try to find a live in companion but I suspect many older people wouldn't accept having a stranger living in their house.

wowie69 · 02/06/2023 14:01

A personal assistant?

I'm actually pretty good at all this sort of stuff, I might set up as a PA to the elderly!