Who would provide these caring services?

[AutisticLegoLover]

•Housework
•Gardening
•Shopping-online and actual shops for groceries and clothes, shoes, items for the home
•Bill paying
•Organising birthday and Christmas presents, buying and wrapping and •sending
•Buying and posting Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc cards
•Emotional support 12+ hours a day
•Arranging transport
•Decorating for Christmas
•Cooking
•Booking appointments for GP, dentist, hairdressers etc and arranging transport there and back
•Liaising with healthcare professionals
•Arranging for jobs to be done by tradespeople and paying them
• Organising mobile phone and utilities
• Personal care eg nail care, eyebrows, showering, dressing
•window cleaning (inside)
• carpet cleaning
•jet washing the drive
• Helping with forms and paperwork
• Speaking to finance companies

I've probably missed some things but that's a good idea. Who would do those things?

Its

If someone is reliant on others for all of those things and there's no family to help, then realistically lots of them won't happen. But then again, sending cards is hardly a priority. You would have to select which are the most important and then set a budget for the help. But even then, someone would need to coordinate it all.

My mum needs help with a lot of this stuff and I'm 200 miles away.

Housework- she does some, care agency a little bit and cleaner.
•Gardening- an old man called Arthur- no idea who he is but he once locked himself in the garage.
•Shopping-online and actual shops for groceries and clothes, shoes, items for the home- my brother. If he couldn't I'm not sure
•Bill paying- my brother
•Organising birthday and Christmas presents, buying and wrapping and •sending- she does her best but if she doesn't then it doesn't get done
•Buying and posting Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc cards- she doesn't really do this.
•Emotional support 12+ hours a day - no one
•Arranging transport- us from afar
•Decorating for Christmas- I think the careers got them down, unsure who put them up
•Cooking- caters
•Booking appointments for GP, dentist, hairdressers etc and arranging transport there and back- mixture of her and family.
•Liaising with healthcare professionals - me (if there was no family it wouldn't be anyone)
•Arranging for jobs to be done by tradespeople and paying them - I did this (if no family it wouldn't be anyone)
• Organising mobile phone and utilities family
• Personal care eg nail care, eyebrows, showering, dressing care agency
•window cleaning (inside) doesn't get done
• carpet cleaning doesn't get done
•jet washing the drive doesn't get done
• Helping with forms and paperwork family
• Speaking to finance companies l- not needed

I also work in a related field. If someone had no family to help it wouldn't get done
unless the person had money to pay.

If they weren't up to doing those things themselves and they weren't able or willing to pay someone else to do them, they'd have to go into a home. Or you could pay someone to organise and over see all those services.

When my dm wanted to stay in her own home but was unable to do much herself, we organised a gardener (1 day), cleaner (1 day), home hair dresser (once a week), home chiropodist (once a fortnight), Farm foods delivery(weekly), an account with a local family taxi service. Organised one day a week at an OAP social centre. Plus she had an alarm button necklace. We split the jobs that could be done remotely/online and anything else between us. One of us visited most weekends.

We arranged it so she saw someone almost every day, which gave her a reason to be up, dressed and tidy. It wasn't cheap and took a bit of organising but far less than residential care, and dm was much happier staying with her garden and her own space.

My next door neighbour (small two bed house) has a live in carer who does things on the list and 24 hr care too. She has very complex needs and I think the council found it cheaper to hire the angel that lives with her rather than have her in a home. This carer seems to love my neighbour and is so tender and caring. She now has responsibility for duties outside the usual carer remit given to her by family.
However from a 'care for the carer' point of view - she gets one hour break at lunch and had 2 weeks off earlier this year - but apart from that, my neighbour is her whole life.

My mum went into a very good care home. Not the most expensive available, but the best of all the ones we looked at.

•Housework - Care Home
•Gardening. - Care home
•Shopping-online and actual shops for groceries and clothes, shoes, items for the home - Me
•Bill paying - Me
•Organising birthday and Christmas presents, buying and wrapping and •sending - Me
•Buying and posting Christmas, birthday, anniversary etc cards - Me
•Emotional support 12+ hours a day - Care Home and me
•Arranging transport - Care Home and me
•Decorating for Christmas - Care Home
•Cooking - Care Home
•Booking appointments for GP, dentist, hairdressers etc and arranging transport there and back. - Care home, some in house. I did hospital stuff
•Liaising with healthcare professionals - Care home and Me
•Arranging for jobs to be done by tradespeople and paying them - Care home
• Organising mobile phone and utilities -Me and Care home
• Personal care eg nail care, eyebrows, showering, dressing - Care home
•window cleaning (inside) - Care Home
• carpet cleaning - Care home
•jet washing the drive
• Helping with forms and paperwork - Care home and me
• Speaking to finance companies - Me

It took a load off me when she went into a care home.
Sometimes we don’t get to have everything our own way.
If she’d refused, or resisted, then she’d probably be dead by now as I couldn’t do all the stuff required endlessly for years. It was the logical decision.

I think if they have no one to do all those things the they need residential care

I mean realistically there's probably not an awful lot of cards/presents to send if they've got no family to help them

Is jetwashing the drive really a necessity?

Carer / PA combined.
My 2 sisters and I manage to do most things for mum who has dementia and lives alone. What we can't fulfill is the emotional support. We're a phone call away and we all see her once a week but it isn't enough.
We found carers for administering meds once a day. We've identified cleaners, food delivery services and home help /companion type services but she is refusing because she thinks she's independent.
When you think about it you're asking someone to take on the entire mental load for another adult and manage their diary etc too. It's a huge task and if someone offered that service, it would be unaffordable for most people anyway.

Anything that involves money or personal information is going to be a hard one. Usually family.
Practical stuff such as cleaning and shopping could have someone being paid to do it. That’s a. Rey long list with a wide range of needs.

Why are you asking?

To be honest that list kind of reminds me of those nanny adverts where they are basically looking for a replacement parent. I don't think you can entirely replicate having a family member doing at least some of it.

I'm asking to see who would perform these tasks if a family member couldn't. Yes, it is more PA than carer.I suppose. Thank you to everyone for the replies.

Do you have a budget for these tasks, OP? Does the person In need of the care currently have mental capacity?

It sounds more like you want to hire an able bodied spouse- equivalent than even a carer or PA

These are all the things I do for my mum. Happily and willingly I'll add! My siblings want carers to take over but I doubted they would do everything I do.

You would have to employ a live-in carer.
Look in The Lady. Lots of people advertising in there.

You'd need three, to work on a rota system.

Ah, I get it.
You're going to show this thread to your siblings.
Good idea.

A wife!!!😂

Ok - but why do your siblings want to switch, are they worried about the effect on you?

Odd that siblings want to have carers when a close relative is happy and willing to do all that .

I imagine it's going to be sibling resentment - maybe OP lives in property with relative and performs all these duties and they fear that it will be left to her .
No doubt finances and assets will feature .

@SheilaFentiman you're not the only one who is worried.

Just because you use carers, cleaner, gardener etc, doesn’t mean you can’t still do the things they don’t.

If you had outside help to do the practical tasks, you’d have more time and energy for companionship care.

We employ a carer directly for adult DD and frankly if you go down that route you can make up the job description and spell out what you need.

I think some of the things on the list are more for a handyman, but most could be done by an employed carer.