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Elderly parents
Original poster

What should I charge

41 replies

Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:08

My dad is going to die in the next week..

My mum is 81 and before admission to hospital was v forgetful.. since being in hospital for 5 months appears b demented but am assured by hospital this is due to drugs and infection.. she should recover some cognitive coherence...

She will not be able to live alone.
I absolutely do not want her in a care home . That is my hard line.

I have 3 siblings (one is step but after 40 years that is irrelevant- she is my sister ) close family . Never any problems..

I have a bungalow (rented) I pay £1K a month rent .

I want mum to live with me so I can care for her. I am due to retire this year. My pension will be £7k.. but part time retirement so I will still earn £1200 a month ...

Mum in a care home will cost her £5k-6 A MONTH...

She inherited from dad as mirror wills and their house is worth £700k

We can buy my home for £425k... leaving enough for respite and daily care.. (she has a catheter ) probably once per day. My stepsister will step in twice a week (including overnight) otherwise it's all me.

I will be saving her estate a lot of money which will benefit the others .. they have asked how much they should pay me.

Mums income is £1450

I have no idea how to answer their question as I would want to do this even if there was no money . I do NOT want my mum in a care home...

An anyone advise .. I want a fair 'or even below fair' wage.. but I want something.. as I am saving them a fortune..

OP posts:
PleasantZen · 01/03/2023 20:16

How about the equivalent of a 60 hour per week on minimum wage?

mrsfennel · 01/03/2023 20:16

Is your house you are in now being bought for 425k and in your sole name? Or is that one of the options?

If your house is being bought for you then maybe thats enough?

I really don't know though, can you apply for carers allowance? Will you be able to manage to work part time?

Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:31

No the house will be bought in my mothers name with sibling and I as POA

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:31

It's not my money to buy with .. belongs to my mother

OP posts:
Original poster
Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:32

But by buying .. the estate relieves me of £1k rent

OP posts:
FallonofDynasty · 01/03/2023 20:33

I don't think you can pay yourself a wage from your mum's money. I would think it goes against LPA rules.

DahliaMacNamara · 01/03/2023 20:34

So your mother buys your home...and what happens to that when she dies?

I think the house purchase muddies the waters somewhat.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 01/03/2023 20:36

Lotsofthingstoconsider · 01/03/2023 20:32

But by buying .. the estate relieves me of £1k rent

Well I think that answers your question?

percypercypercy · 01/03/2023 20:36

We can buy my home for £425k...

We?

Ilovetocrochet · 01/03/2023 20:40

We paid my sister half the going rate for a carer for her to look after mum for 20 hours a week, at the time it worked out that we gave her £12.50 an hour our of mums money. There is a reference to the benefits of family carers on the Office of Public Guardians website.

You need to consider where you will live after your mum dies if she buys your current house. The house will then pass to all her inheritors so you might not have anywhere to live as you won’t have full ownership.

trockodile · 01/03/2023 20:41

I looked after my mum for 4 years-I got carers allowance-about £70/week(but I think you will earn too much for that). However if you are living with her rent free, and she pays all the bills/food etc so you have no living expenses that seems reasonable?

MichelleScarn · 01/03/2023 20:44

What happens when you are ill, need doctors or a holiday? Who will cover and how will this be funded?

Yoyooo · 01/03/2023 20:46

What will happen to the house, your home, when she dies?

PermanentTemporary · 01/03/2023 20:47

I think you're a good daughter.

My first thought would be that your mother would do better and recover faster in her own home. Is there an option for you to give up your tenancy and move in with her instead?

How much care will she need? Is it realistic for you to work as well? You should be able to claim Attendance Allowance and perhaps other benefits. Can you simply become a full time carer? Get a quote for what that would cost and make that your starting point. Or alternatively do you want to be 'paid' in a greater share of the house?

I do think her buying your house is much more complicated. What is in your mother's will? Is her estate split between the four of you as siblings? What would happen when she dies?

I think you need legal advice and probably your siblings do too.

Floralnomad · 01/03/2023 20:51

I think you should look after her in her existing home until you see how it goes . It’s all very well saying no to a care home but I’m a trained nurse and we had my mum at home being nursed by myself and my sisters and it’s really hard . I also think it is very murky having your mum buy your existing house .

AlwaysLatte · 01/03/2023 20:58

I would get legal advice, especially with making sure you don't do anything wrong unwittingly with the LPOA. If things change and she MUST have professional care then the house she has just bought may need to be sold to pay for it. Personally I would move in with her instead and keep things separate. But do get proper advice!

AlwaysLatte · 01/03/2023 21:00

Also, you might get into an issue with inheritance tax - if she buys your house has she got enough separately to cover the IT so the house wouldn't have to be sold to cover it?

Pigletnotatwiglet · 01/03/2023 21:00

You will be getting £250 a week that you save on rent.

ditalini · 01/03/2023 21:03

Are you happy for your house to be sold to realise your siblings' inheritance when your mum dies?

If so, I think free rent and possibly your mum also paying bills would be enough compensation and keep things clear.

WhineWhineWINE · 01/03/2023 21:06

If she's showing signs of dementia, moving house may make things deteriorate. The extent of my mum's dementia wasn't apparent until she was taken out of her familiar environment. Then she went downhill rapidly. Is moving in with your mum in her own home an option?

DahliaMacNamara · 01/03/2023 21:06

I wouldn't make any far-reaching decisions until you've seen your mum away from the drugs/infection/hospital roundabout. You need to be prepared for your mum to need a good deal of care, beyond anything you're anticipating right now. She may not, of course, but I think you need to be aware of how your daily life is likely to pan out before you enter into any agreements.
And I'm sorry about your dad's prognosis. It's hard to make good practical decisions when you're going through all of this.

Starseeking · 01/03/2023 21:10

I'm not sure why you are suggesting buying your rented house, when there is a mortgage free one sitting spare.

You should move in with your mum, and she pays for food and bills. It sounds like you'd still have your part-time income, plus your pension, so there's no need for anyone to pay you, especially as you said you'd do it even without the money.

You'd then be living both rent/mortgage free and getting your bills paid as well as food, saving yourself a small fortune. Care home fees also saved from you being there. Everyone benefits.

When your mum sadly passes away, the house should be shared equally between siblings.

howmanybicycles · 01/03/2023 21:15

I wonder if your mum can pay all household bills from her income (council tax, gas, elec, water). You will probably get around £4,800 attendance allowance and on top of the rent you're saving, the bills you're not paying, that does make for quite a contribution already. I think you're saying you'd not have the 1200 a month if you looked after your mum, is that right? The attendance allowance and her paying bills will likely account for about £750 of that £1200. If your mum chose to give you any extra per month of our her income or what will be left when she sells the house, I guess that's up to her?

NextToTheRadio · 01/03/2023 21:31

You and your mum neednto see a solicitor.

Augend23 · 01/03/2023 21:31

Checking my understanding:

Your mum inherits half of a £700k house from your dad (and anything else?). There won't be inheritance tax to pay because she is his wife.

You want to buy your bungalow, selling your mum's house to facilitate that. The remaining £375k will then be invested (?) or bonds bought to provide an income, on top of the £1450 she already gets. Does she claim attendance allowance? If not, can she start (I think you can claim on her behalf with POA)?

So when she comes out of hospital, will you lose the £1200 a month at that point, is that right? But gain £1000 in not paying rent once the purchase is completed?

And you'll be on duty 24 hours a day, 5 days a week? Does your mum wake up in the night regularly (to the point you'll be unable to sleep?)? If not, do you have a plan for if she gets to that point i.e. room for a carer?

Would you be able to claim carer's allowance? I know it's not much but worth thinking about.

What will your plan be when your mum passes away? Hopefully she has a happy remainder of her life but I'm just thinking if you inherit e.g. £100, will that enable you to buy anyway?

I can see I've just asked questions rather than giving an answer. I think it depends on lost income, what you can claim to top your mum's income up, what other costs if any you have, and how you're going to manage after Shree eventually passes away.