Can’t live without antibiotics-any options

[hollypocks]

My 82 year old father is in hospital with reoccurring infections, including pneumonia (this is the seventh episode in four months). He’s been in hospital now for almost a month having fallen likely due to confusion and general weakness. Everytime his antibiotics course finishes the infection flares up again two to three days later. The doctor said that he is now on the strongest IV antibiotic to try and kill the infection but I have no idea what the likely path is if the infection reoccurs. He’s had multiple scans and X-rays but nothing obviously causing the infections. DF looks increasingly frail and is now totally bed bound. Anyone had any similar experiences please?

I'm sorry to say that they will probably suggest moving to treating symptoms only, ie palliative care.

Im sorry to just put this out there and they probably won't want to say it until they hit that point, but if there's no response to this treatment it would be cruel to continue.

I agree with @PermanentTemporary it sounds like the end of the road, kindest thing to do sometimes. Hope you’re okay x

Thank you, I can totally accept that if it’s the kindest option for my DF, it’s very distressing to see him suffering and he’s just getting weaker all the time. I try and broach the conversation with the doctors so I can understand the likely process but no one seems to want to lay out the likely path. I can accept that this may well be end of life and just want to let him know how much we love him. Really appreciate your messages and honesty.

If you DF has not got dementia then at 82 years of age, he can decide what he wants to happen, how often do the Dr's discuss things with your DF? It is not up to you or other Mumsnetters on here to say what should happen. If your poor Dad does have a dementia, then ask the medics lots of questions, and then ask others who love him, and genuinely want what is best for him, to give you support and advice.

They used to call pneumonia the old man’s friend, as it carried people off gently with minimal suffering. I’m sorry but I do agree with other posters would probably be kindest to allow nature to take its course now. But yes if he has capacity he should definitely be involved in the decision making. Hope it all goes as well as it can xx

That’s @TheLadyofShalott1 He’s not got dementia and without infections is normally very sharp mentally. He told me yesterday that he didn’t want to live but that could just be because he was feeling so poorly. Of course he’d be involved in all discussions and decisions, I’m there just to advocate for his wishes. I don’t feel like the doctors talk to either of us frankly without me chasing them but I understand the pressures they are under too.

Has someone assessed his swallowing? Is he aspirating? Does he have thickener in his drinks and are they making sure he isn’t slumped in bed?

@BungleandGeorge he has got thickener in his drinks, often slumped and I move him up when I’m there with help of HCA

They don’t believe he is aspirating but have checked

He may or may not be aspirating but the lack of mobility is the thing it's hard to come back from (I'm a speech therapist incidentally)

Yes @PermanentTemporary can totally understand that, he’s normally able to move with a frame but not even able to get out of bed with two OTs at the moment

Bless his heart

Tbh it is amazing how people can recover from a very low point, but it does sound increasingly difficult.

Don't be afraid to be blunt with the medics. And ask them to define their terms, especially if you don't understand exactly what they mean. Two particular words I hate are 'managing' and 'tolerating' - always ask what they mean by that and what they expect to happen next.

Thanks again @PermanentTemporary , that’s really good advice about asking more details. DF is very determined usually but this episode is much more debilitating than any other previously.

Just a quick update. Currently with my DF, now on end of life care. Tried one last course of antibiotics but didn’t work. Very sad but he knows how much he is loved. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply

So sorry, @hollypocks , wishing you all the best through this sad time.

Thinking of you, @hollypocks

Glad you have been able to express your love.

Look after yourself. x

Thinking of you op.

Thinking of you Hollypocks 💐

Thinking of you OP. I've just been through something similar with my DF, and while I miss him a lot he really just wanted to go.

♥️

❤️

thinking of you
I’m at just about the same position with my DF

Thinking of you both xx

@magicthree so incredibly sorry to hear that, I hope you are managing to look after yourself, I’m wishing the same for my DF but feel so sad to lose him too
@Needaholidayyesterday how are things today? My DF is still hanging on after an horrendous night but much calmer now. Hope your DF is peaceful and not in pain

thank you everyone for their wishes