Can’t live without antibiotics-any options

[hollypocks]

My 82 year old father is in hospital with reoccurring infections, including pneumonia (this is the seventh episode in four months). He’s been in hospital now for almost a month having fallen likely due to confusion and general weakness. Everytime his antibiotics course finishes the infection flares up again two to three days later. The doctor said that he is now on the strongest IV antibiotic to try and kill the infection but I have no idea what the likely path is if the infection reoccurs. He’s had multiple scans and X-rays but nothing obviously causing the infections. DF looks increasingly frail and is now totally bed bound. Anyone had any similar experiences please?

Glad your DF seems calmer today

Mine is now doing his usual stubborn best to defy every doctors expectation and is showing signs of improvement. If his dementia, mobility and speech weren’t now so bad, he’d tell them I told you I wasn’t ill or old.

Having spent the last 3 days sleeping only fitfully waiting for a midnight call to his bedside I’m exhausted, relieved and also pessimistic that it won’t be long until I and he have to do this all over again.

That’s a hard situation to be in @Needaholidayyesterday i really hope that things improve for you and him. There are no easy solutions and it’s so hard to get adequate support.

my DF died earlier today, it was a relief after some very tough moments, especially during the night.

(()) and for you, @hollypocks

So sorry to hear your news @hollypocks .

Condolences 💐

So sorry, hollypocks, but glad that his suffering has come to an end now. Take care of yourself.

Thinking of you. We had exactly the same experience last year. I hope all is peaceful.

I'm so sorry for your loss @hollypocks

Sorry to read your sad news @hollypocks

Thinking of you and yours.

I’m so sorry to hear your news @hollypocks
sending love x

@hollypocks I hoe you can find some peace in the coming days.

Thank you all, it’s a blessing that he is free from pain but leaves a huge gap in our lives. Thought having kids was hard but no one tells you about the time you have to juggle them plus the decline of your parents. So a new phase of life begins 😔
wishing you all strength for those still navigating through the elderly parents stage.

So sorry hollypocks.

I went through this exact scenario back in Sept so sending you my best wishes - honestly now while I miss him terribly I wouldn’t want him to be back and suffering , last summer was a constant routine of infection hospital home infection and in the end his body was just not reacting to treatment so we switched to end of life care

Sorry just read your dad has passed now , take comfort by the fact he is out of pain - yes there are some very upsetting moments towards the end but he would have known you were with him and loved

I am so sorry for you loss holly, but I am also glad that your DF is now out of pain, and at rest. When it comes after an illness like his, I genuinely believe that our minds change from fighting death to almost welcoming it. Through losing both of my parents in a similar manner, and through nursing the elderly, I could see that not one of them seemed scared or unhappy about having reached this stage of life.

You were obviously a very caring DD, and you sound like a lovely person as well. I wish you strength for all the organisation that comes now, and for the period after your DF's funeral, which I think can be the worst time for the loved ones left behind. Sorry, but I can't remember how much support you have in your life, I hope and pray it is lots. But whether you do or don't have any RL support, please come back here for any extra support you may need or want - even if that is 6 months or a year down the line.

My DM died over 10 years ago, but I had spent the previous 10 years to that preparing myself for her loss, so I was able - when the time came - to mainly feel relieved that she was no longer in pain, or confused - she also had a Dementia. A few days ago it suddenly hit me that the one person in my life who always loved me unconditionally, who I could always turn to, has now not been in my life for over 10 years, I shed a few, of I suppose selfish tears, but I think we all have times when we should be allowed to be more focused on ourselves. Be kind to yourself OP, you are so important in your own right. Grief doesn't have a Timetable, and it doesn't always follow the often published order of grieving, so as I said before, please be kind to yourself, and come back here if you ever want to talk more about any feelings you want to share ❤️

Blimey, I feel for you, I could've written this.

My DF is only 73 and is in the same boat, although he's only been ill since Christmas. They have tried 4 different antibiotics and he's in hospital for the third time. Similarly he is just getting weaker all the time (he's lost two stone and is eating so little it's just falling off).

I haven't been able to get any real answers so far.

The stopping eating and permanently laying flat are bad signs. Laying flat doesn't help to clear their lungs. Very sad news x

Thank you all, am blown away by all your kind messages. I’m so sorry @mrsbyers @Tirednest @closingscore it’s such a difficult situation and profoundly sad to see a parent declining after trying numerous antibiotics and other medication. No advice other than to simply let them know they are loved and fight for the best pain relief available. @closingscore i had to insist on talking to a doctor a couple of weeks ago and told them to be honest with me about likely path.
my DF died of sepsis which I understand happens quite commonly after multiple infections.
DT1 and DT2 made it back from uni to see their grandad whilst he was still coherent, shall forever be grateful for that. @TheLadyofShalott1 your lovely message lifted me enormously, I’m very lucky to have some wonderful friends nearby, DH is trying his best too, he’s actually really upset I think. My DF as a proud Scot and by chance I’d booked this weekend to pop up and see DT1 in St Andrews. Wasn’t going to go but am now as think change of scenery might be good and DF would have fully approved.

Change of scenery and going to Scotland sounds like a very good idea.

my DF is back on end of life care, most likely. He’s now responding to slowly antibiotics, but is nil by mouth, and cannot be fed by tube.

I too wish him peace and an easy passing. I just drove 300 miles to see him, through tears, as carer thought he was close to the end. He then perked up when he saw me, and asked me to take him home. And for wine. Senior nurse said no, and I even had some in my bag for him.

Now I’m trying to work out how to get him out of the lovely ward he’s on, a vast improvement on the last 2 he’s been in this week, so I can fulfil his final wishes to be at home and to drink wine to the end.

will I be stopped if I smuggle him out? Got to laugh. If not I’d start crying again. His lovely niece and I have a bet on his cause of death being misadventure, he’s going to die as he lived, at 150mph whilst doing something eccentrically idiotic.

So sorry to have missed this @Needaholidayyesterday how are things now? I hope your DF got a glass of wine at home, you sound like such an amazing and devoted daughter

He’s home finally.
It’s been difficult and emotional and that was just getting him out of hospital.
Drinking thickened beer, surprisingly not wine, & complaining that all these bloody people, or me and 24/7 carers are telling him what not to do.
He’s absolutely doing his best impression of not dying, and yet dr called about arranging morphine. We postponed for now.

How are you?

what a rollercoaster and very draining for you all, physically and emotionally. Is he happy to be home? Hope you can spend some time with him over a thickened beer and that pain relief makes him more comfortable

Sorry to hear about your Dad. You sound like a lovely daughter.