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Elderly parents

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Original poster

Where to get help??

49 replies

Sunny67 · 30/12/2014 18:51

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. Step mums memory is rapidly going down and I'm going to the doctors next week
No help has ever been offered to dad after diagnosis just pills. They are both on lots of meds which I sorrted with the chemist to be in weekly blister packs but they keep forgetting to take them
They could do with someone going daily to check on them, maybe an hour a day. Non of us are that close to be able to do that. Who's best to contact for this? I don't know if it should be the council, age concern for advice or what? They don't have attendance allowance or anything and dad just seems to have been forgotten after the initial checks
Thanks

OP posts:

SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 19:04

I think you should contact SS and ask for a care assessment with a view to carers coming in dispense medication plus a bit of help round the house if necessary.

SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 19:07

Do you have Power of Attorney? That needs to be sorted out whilst they still are able to do it.

When it gets to the stage that Attendance Allowance needed get someone like Age Concern to help with the form.

for you, it's tough dealing with this.

Londonfish · 30/12/2014 19:42

You could try getting in touch with the Alzheimer's Society, a charity. They have a helpline you could use for information and advice. The number is 0300 222 11 22. Depending on where your dad is based they might even have some services like a support worker who could visit them and help . Their website should also help.www.alzheimers.org.uk.

I hope they are able to help. Xx

Original poster

Sunny67 · 30/12/2014 22:20

Thank you all so much. It's been a bad couple of days with various problems
Their house phone has stopped working, they struggle with the mobile they have. Age UK one is on the list to sort. Not taking meds then panicking Etv
We talked about POA but they weren't bothered for it but it's time to push s bit more
Dad still won't admit he has a problem even thogh it's a year since we first saw his GP who said dementia. He was referred to the memory clinic, had another memory test, then CT scan and an Alzheimer's diagnosis, I had one phone call from them to see if the medication upset his stomach and that was that. So thanks again, I can start to make some enquiries
Hopefully I can get SS to do a care assessment without dad being too awkward

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SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 22:39

That is the problem, getting them to accept help and it is very difficult as SS can't push help onto them unless they are deemed not to have capacity. The Memory Clinic mentioned the POA to my Mother. I went from the angle that they are sensible to have and that I would be doing mine too.

Memiry clinic here have protocol. They have to see patient if prescribing meds as need to do pulse check. They also do referral to the Memory Advisory service we have here.

The Alzheimer's Society are very helpful and definitely worth contacting. Google also to see if you are in an Admiral Nurse area.

SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 22:40

Also Memory Clinic repeat the tests at set intervals too.

PragmaticWench · 30/12/2014 22:50

As well as looking into care and support for your DF and DSM, do make sure you take some time out to consider where support for you is coming from.

Supporting family with alzheimers can be hard work and emotionally harrowing. You'll be able to help them best if you have people to lean on yourself. It sounds trite but don't forget to talk with friends/a partner about what you're going through.

SugarPlumTree · 30/12/2014 22:57

Please feel free to join us here

Original poster

Sunny67 · 31/12/2014 09:41

Thanks again
Our visit to the memory clinic went like this
February see nurse at clinic who did a memory test. Not much different to the one the GP did. It was difficult to speak freely as we were together the whole time in an office only slightly bigger than a broom cupboard
The nurse made an appointment for dad to see a doctor six weeks later to get the results of the scan he would be sent for
After three weeks and no scan appointment I called and was told the first available date was three days after the doctor appointment
So I rearranged that
When we went to see this doctor he asked dad a few questions which he didnt answer and then said I'll prescribe some tablets. I had to ask what the scan showed! "Oh it's Alzheimers" came the reply
I asked about future memory clinic appointments but he said they are very busy and its up to the GP now
Next into an even smaller cupboard to see a lady who gave DSM some leaflets about coffee mornings and a joining a club where they sing, to which dad piped up "Sing? Sing? I'd rather eat my hat"

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunny67 · 31/12/2014 09:51

I understand that these services are under massive strain but I feel as if once you've got the diagnosis that's it. Job done
I will look into the admiral nurses too
DSM is all over the place at the moment. Where as dad was a bit forgetful but convinced that people wee taking things from the garage shed etc d
DSM is asking the same questions three or four times in a row, she can't find things she's looking for even when it's literally in front of her
And she frequently says I don't know I can't think when asked a question. That can be about something that happened that morning

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SugarPlumTree · 31/12/2014 17:55

Sunny I am so sorry, that quite frankly is shit. My Mum had 90 mins and a range of tests and then the Memeory clinic are in charge of prescribing for a set period of time until then phased over to GP.

Has DSM had bloods to check nothing physical affecting her memory or even a UTI?

SugarPlumTree · 31/12/2014 18:02

The Alzheimer's Society will know what the protocol is for their local area. Also you are entitled to a Careers assessment. You are not supposed to be given the diagnosis and left to fend for yourself.

Unfortunately you are right, they are under huge strain and in some areas it is a matter of who shouts loudest. Do you consider them to be to be at risk with their current set up? If so the key words to SS are that they are vulnerable adults due to your Dad's diagnosis and the memory problem your DSM is currently experiencing and as such their current situation creates a safeguarding issue.

goldenbrown1987 · 31/12/2014 18:15

You can do the Power of Attorney yourself - we did and it saved us £700 in solicitors fees - can download the forms from the govt website. I feel for you - so hard for you and your parents. Good luck

florentina1 · 31/12/2014 19:17

I found the elderly care team at my parents local authority really helpful. As you dad has a diagnosis, I would begin by asking them to do an assessment.

If they are forgetting to take their meds they maybe eligible for carers to help with this. Also make sure you apply for attendance allowance. If they are successful this will help with their independence as they can pay for there own carers. This is quite long form, and you will need to detail all their meds so try to get hold of their repeat prescription form.

POA is simple to do by downloading the form and will be useful if the situation detiorates.

florentina1 · 31/12/2014 19:21

Also, I forgot to say, contact Age UK. They are absolutely brilliant. I was in tears the first time I contacted them but they talked me through the options and posted lots of really helpful fact sheets.

You do sometimes have to fight for your relatives so be persistent. The hardest part is getting the relatives to accept help of course.

Original poster

Sunny67 · 31/12/2014 19:37

Oh thank you all. ive been crying which is no use at all!! DSM hasn't had any tests. She had a funny do over a year ago, I was at work but luckily her cousin and wife were there and they took her off to the doctor, I didn't know until later that day, the doc said it was stress
She's had a bad couple of days and I've got an appointment for Monday, I'm going with her.
They are vulnerable in my opinion now. I'm going to call the memory service and find out what they can do if anything and they need a care assement definitely
I'm so glad I came on here to ask you lovely people
You've obviously been down thus path and know what it's like to feel a bit helpless

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SugarPlumTree · 01/01/2015 16:06

Crying is good, gets it out a little

That's good you are going with her. I think checking for UTI, bloods and a CT scan would be a good idea and wonder whether her previous funny turn was in fact a TIA rather than stress.

Original poster

Sunny67 · 01/01/2015 19:12

Thanks Sugar, yesterday was a pretty cheap day, dad wasn't too bad but DSM was really down and upset
I've been wondering about the TIA thing too, not that I know much about them but I remember my friends mum having one while he was in the phone to her, we were at work and she couldn't remember what things were called when telling him what she wanted from the supermarket
Tomorrow I'm on the phone to memory services and seeing how far I get with them.

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SugarPlumTree · 01/01/2015 19:17

Good luck, please let us know how you get on. My Mother has TIA's. We know from her CT scan she had had multiple ones. I think that is why she suddenly went off tea one day, bizarre though it sounds. DH saw her zone out once when talking to her. On other occasions they have been a bit bigger like a turn - she can't explain how she feels after them.

She nearly didn't get a CT scan from Memory clinic as they thought Alzheimer's. It was me mentioning her balance went that made them decide to so sometimes a push is needed.

SugarPlumTree · 04/01/2015 19:17

How are you doing Sunny ?

Original poster

Sunny67 · 04/01/2015 22:23

Ok thanks sugar. The doctor has been cancelled, he has a family problem and I don't want her to see a locum so it's now next Monday
I spoke to memory services and spike to a lovely lady Friday afternoon and she was contacting the admiral nurses and chasing up an email id sent to gateway to care for a care assessment
Just waiting to hear back from them, hopefully it won't be too long
DSM has got all confused over her tablets again, third time in three days so first call tomorrow is to the pharmacy, they'll deead me ringing again. It doesn't matter how often I go through it with her now she can't follow it and both her and dads meds are in the weekly boxes so I don't know how it can be made easier
Bless em!

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SugarPlumTree · 05/01/2015 11:25

I think when it gets to that point they really do need carers to administer meds. Shame about GP but wise to cancel I think in circumstances.

I've heard Admiral Nurses are very good. Not many areas have them so that is a plus. Fingers crossed the system will start kicking in.

Original poster

Sunny67 · 05/01/2015 19:46

The Admiral Nurse rang today to arrange an appointment for me to see them not till the end of February but it's a start and I've spoken to gateway to care and explained what's happenig with DD and DSM
The lady said she needs to type up a report and give it to her senior to look at but said she may call me tomorrow for more info so I'll have to wait and see what they say. The chemist phoned me this morning at work to tell DSM has taken five mornings worth of pills in two days, not the best start to the week

OP posts:

SugarPlumTree · 06/01/2015 07:41

No, can see that isn't the best start. But I guess it gives ammunition to Gateway to Care. We don't have that, is it social services run or something else?

It can be frustratingly slow getting everything in place but you are now well on the way.

Original poster

Sunny67 · 06/01/2015 09:21

Gateway is our councils health and care service. It seems to be moving along now but I've no idea how long it takes to get something in place.
I'd told the lady at gateway the pharmacy had suggested that I cut the dosset boxes in to daily strips and take one each morning to my parents so they only have ones days tablets in the house at a time. I'd need to leave home at 6.45 to get to them and back for work at 9. Even the lady at gateway said that's not feasible! afrer all the medical questions is forgotten to mention my dad always try's to light the modern gas fire wuth matches and how he still thinks he is capable of DIY including messing about with electrics!!
He ended up putting a light switch back with blu tac instead of screws. I'd sent an electrician over to sort a problem out, he'd dine work for them before so they knew him. I told DSM this chap was going so she phoned him and told him dad was going to do it so didn't need him. Man called me and asked if he should still go, yes
He went and they didn't answer the door! It took three days to get a simple thing sorted out because dad was convinced he could do it himself!

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