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Original poster

Advice needed please

48 replies

Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:13

What happens if a child damaged something at school?

Something happened today whereby by son pulled down one of the curtains in the dinner hall (curtain very very high up). The school are now asking that I pay for it, but as a single parent, this is something I may not be able to afford.

What do I do, how can I approach this, can they sue me?

I'm soo worried and embarrassed by what my child did.

Name changed for this!

OP posts:
seeker · 04/07/2008 18:15

I would imagine a private school can do anything it likes. A state school will be insured for accidental damage -don't be bullied into paying. IMHO!

SqueakyPop · 04/07/2008 18:16

When my DS damaged some ceiling tiles, we were sent a bill.

I think it is reasonable.

itati · 04/07/2008 18:17

How much is it?

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:18

They are going to let me on Monday. Its a state school

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roisin · 04/07/2008 18:19

If it is judged to be an act of deliberate vandalism rather than accidental, I think they are quite within their rights to ask for you to pay for the repair.

If it is a substantial sum I'm sure they will be accommodating if you offer to pay in instalments.

How old is your son?

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:21

he is 7!

I really would not be able to afford it if it's in the hundreds

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SqueakyPop · 04/07/2008 18:23

Children need to know that there are consequences to their actions.

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:25

But its me they will be punishing and a single parent, I can't afford it.

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SqueakyPop · 04/07/2008 18:27

If they let him off, what's to stop him doing it again (and again)?

No wonder so many schools are run down. Once there is damage/vandalism, it makes it easier for others to follow suit, and the problem grows exponentially.

seeker · 04/07/2008 18:27

Ah, I read this as an accident. Deliberate vandalism is different. Which is it?

MsDemeanor · 04/07/2008 18:27

I would simply say no and be quite assertive about it. It is their responsibility to supervise your child 'in loco parentis'. It cannot be your fault if you weren't there. It is clearly a failure of supervision. And yes, they will be insured.

SqueakyPop · 04/07/2008 18:28

High up curtain, 7 year old boy? Doesn't sound like an accident.

In many schools, touching curtains and blinds is verboten.

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:29

Believe me, he WILL NOT be doing this again - I will make sure of that. I'm still thinking of his punishment

OP posts:
roisin · 04/07/2008 18:29

I'm sure they are aware of your situation, and will not ask you to pay more than you can afford.

It may be more of a token fee anyway, to send a message to your son about how seriously they take his actions.

I would be mortified if my sons seriously damaged something at school, and would cancel some planned summer treats/days-out and so on, so that they understood the consequences too. At 7 he is old enough to grasp this.

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:29

no no, its one of those curtains that goes all the way to the floor

OP posts:
Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:31

The ceiling is high up that's what I mean - sorry, I'm not making sense just soo worried

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Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:36

Yes, I am horrified that he did something like this, he has NEVER done this before and he will be FOREVER punished for this

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MsDemeanor · 04/07/2008 18:39

No, when a child is at school the teachers and the institution have the role of parents. Properly supervised the child should not have been able to do this. I do not believe for one minute the school can take your money for something done on its property while they are responsible for your child. Just say no.
You may wish to punish your child. That's reasonable enough (once you know what happened) but I cannot think the school can take your money, especially when you are already struggling. If they were watching him, this wouldn't have happened.

surreylady · 04/07/2008 18:40

What are they asking you to pay for ? If he pulled the curtain down it is assumingly to put it back up rather than replace - also were they clear about the circumstances and are you happy with the explanation and is this the norm in terms of charging? If not do you think they are making a statement - I do agree with you re Who is being punished here - I have never heard of anyone beoing charged for anything like this

Turniphead1 · 04/07/2008 18:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MsDemeanor · 04/07/2008 18:51

I think this is wicked bollocks (!) Really I do. And totally unfair. YOu weren't there. You weren't to blame. They failed to supervise. Point that out to them. Grrr.

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 18:57

oh God, I really don't want to make matters worse.. I'm also worried that they may want to exclude (temporarily) him if I don't pay up.

Apparently, the curtains are specially made and they don't have the correct ladder to use to put it back up again, so will have toget people from outside to fix it.

OP posts:
cory · 04/07/2008 18:57

I agree with MsDemeanor. He was on school premises, you weren't there, they were in loco parentis. It is hard to imagine how you could have stopped him from pulling the curtains down. Presumably you haven't been teaching him to do it?

Also, before you go into punishments, make sure you really know what happened.

Was it a deliberate act of vandalism or was it an accident or a bit of horseplay with accidental consequences? (my ds pulled down the living room curtains entirely by accident, stumbled and clutched at them).

If you think he was in some way at fault, then if he does have any money then it is probably a good idea to let him pay some small sum towards it. But I appreciate that if you are struggling, he may not actually have any.

Original poster
Worried70 · 04/07/2008 19:03

I haven't spoken to my DS yet since we got home..I'm soo angry with him for doing this, I can't believe he would do something like this, even though they were warned about it. The head made me feel so small, when she told me, I was close to crying.

I have worked with the school with his behaviour since he started school and since the beginning of yr1 we have had no problems at all. The teachers have commented on how well behaved he is, and he even got a merit certificate. oh I'm rambling...

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robinpud · 04/07/2008 19:05

If you are describng the sort of curtains found in the average primary school, then they are both difficult to pull down and to replace. If the facts are, as you say, then your ds does need to truly understand the consequences of his actions. I doubt the school will expect the full cost, but other children should not expect to suffer becasue money earmarked for their education has to be spent on replacing the curtains.
If he has any sort of electronic toys, then sell them and offer the money to the school.