those with kids at private primary - advice needed

[doublehelp]

I currently have two DD's the eldest is at a school nursery. It is a very good school but i'm just not happy with it.
I have looked at other primary schools around the area but they just don't feel right.
Me and DH had always agreed that they would go private at 11 if they get through the entrance exams with the extra coaching needed.
However i have been to see a local private Infant/junior school and have fallen in love with it it tickes all the boxes for what i want from a school. We can afford the fees if i return to work part time as we would have two pay for.

The problem is that we would be giving up on certain things like cutting down on th enumber of holidays abroad each year etc which are both prepared to do.

Not knowing anyone that has a child in a private school would they get left out or picked on because we don't have the kind of lifestyle that some of the kids do or the money and people have told me the parents can be really clicky
we have made an appointment next week to finalise everything but i am still 10% unsure

You need to look at the cars in the car park - ours has a fair share of shiny 4wd's and menopausal minis but also a balance of older, less prolific models ! A decent indicator of the demographics . At the age your children are there will be other newcomers and a system to allow involvement, which you could ask about. Ours has its cliques (as most schools ,state and private do) but there is room for everyone. A fair proportion of families have 2 working parents and soem choose private schools for the extended day care . No reason why your dds should be left out as long as there are others doing the same

oh and you'll find with the push towards means tested bursaries that the demographic of the school may change slightly anyway. Do allow for "extras" in your sums though - uniform (which may change year on year in style - cost over £500 to kit out our 2 even though much was from school 2nd hand sale), trips , lunch, after school clubs, ballet etc

My ds is at a private primary. There are definitely some very 'yummy mummies' around (shiny hair, Mercedes, holidays in the Caribbean etc) but there are many just as scruffy and normal as me - parents who are making sacrifices to send their child there. I have already made some good 'mummy friends' and in fact we're going to Centerparcs with one family in Feb half-term! DS has been to play with friends and they just seem to have normal houses, toys etc - he's not looked down on at all.

We don't seem any more cliquey than mums are anywhere - we were all very welcoming to the new mum when term started last week and I invited her little girl to ds's party!

My dd started last September - in year 2 - in a school which (because of location, reputation, etc.) you'd expect to be the last gasp in cliquey poshery - and as she was joining late, & the groups were already established, I was quite anxious ...

... but I have never met a warmer kinder welcome. On the first day a whole series of mothers came up to introduce themselves - and dd said of her first lunchtime there: "I was walking around by myself, and a girl came up to me and said, 'Would you like someone to play with?'"

And the other girls are sweet - I was expecting a bit of worldliness - competition on holidays & so on, but it's not been like that at all - to the extent any child has commented on why dd has fitted in well, it's because "she's funny". Altogether she's had a wonderful term & I'm really grateful to all those other parents.

Thanks Guys
So there are normal people who send there kids to private school Despite what people keep telling me
I am definatly going to sit outside the school next week at 3.20 to see who goes in and out (great advice Lizs)

My dc's started last sept too, into Yr2 and yr1.

They have settled in really well and the parents have been a perfectly normal mixture from all over the place. The staff are fantastic and nothing is too much trouble, I have no concerns over their education or health / wellbeing.

I have joined the PTA and each year group has had evening socials at a locol pub - we have had a fab time

If you like the school I would say go for it - I too work part time to pay the school fees for two dcs, and they have not yet been abroad as we economise over holidays too but it is well worth it.

i loved the school when i saw it but was worried about fitting in with the other parents lifestyle but you have really reassured me
Thanks
We will be parting with a large amount of money next week

When my boys were in prep school, we figured that we were about the poorest family there. They were never looked down on, and noone expected us to reciprocate fancy sleepovers etc.

They were respected for academic ability, sporting prowess, sense of humour etc., not for their parents.

The small number of "brazenly wealthy" families at ours are massively outnumbered by the rest of us, with elderly cars, tatty houses, very ordinary careers and fairly basic lifestyles.
I would agree with other posters on this thread to say that because they are often smaller, private primaries can be very friendly places where it is easier to get to know people. Ours is
Good luck doublehelp, hope you get a warm welcome

And we are definitely less well-off than many of the families in dd's year

Parents definitely less cliquey and more friendly in current prep school than in north London state primary we used to be at.

Have a look at the cars etc but morning is best - certainly at ours the pick up times vary from 3 through to 5:30/6 depending on clubs/rehearsals/matches etc.

We have a huge range from children who will never have to work through to single parents where I would guess that the gps are paying. In fact we have both in ds2's class and of course it is the son of the household name who was on a home-school behaviour book by the end of the first week of reception, whereas the latter is already several years ahead in reading. Whereas parents may be aware of the backgrounds (and obviously in some cases it is obvious) the kids don't seem to discriminate at all. But I'm in Greater London and loads of "normal" parents have gone private due to catchment lottery.

Have two DC at private primary level and have - current school(s) are both selective academically and have a good mix of people - previous was not and was based in affluent area and was non selective and here money and yummy mummy mattered (more than anything else for most) - for us it has been based on choice (not surprisingly current ones suit us much better) - for me Pick the school that works for you carefully and it will be a great experience.

It doesn't matter to mee iff we are the keast wll off in their clas i just wasn't sure if this would be reflected by the way the other kids would treat my DD's
I hope the mums at the school we have choosen are as friendly as you guys

Bad typing dd is helping me !!!!

I wouldn't even worry about the fancy cars. Many will have company cars or will have taken out large loans to keep up appearances.

One thing you will all have in common is the importance you place on good education for your kids.

ALl our 5 went to private primaries and my ex husband works in them. In our area people are definitely not snobby and many are the children of very hard working local immigrants putting all family money into the education of the future doctor or accountant or whatever they want for the child of the local shop keeper and cab driver or pharmacist in the next generation. I tend to find the more academic and selective and hard to get into the school the less snobby it is because the range of parents trying to get in is broader. Whereas somewhere in the country away from the big city where all the pupils are blonde and thick or even black haired and thick can be a bit snobbier.

I know some of the boarding schools have children with far too much money but day schools don't tend to be like that and certainly not at primary level.

You made me laught (sorry) by saying you would have to cut down on the number of holidays abroad each year.

We are actually having a holiday abroad this year (3 days at EuroDisney) but we have planned and saved for it for 3 years, everything else is my parents caravan.

Seriously, at the open evening the chair of the PTA said to me (in a thick local accent), you will find some people here who are millionaires and have more money than they know what to do with and some who struggle and make sacrifices to pay the fees.

I think that we are definately one of the families at school with the least amount of disposable income (I can't even afford Next clothes, never mind smart designer shops)but myself and dd have never been made to feel any different.

I think you might have preconceived ideas of who attends private school, unless you're talking about public school. There is a sizable number who scrimp, save, sacrifice holidays, new cars etc to send their children to private school.

I would say my prep school was a mix of nouveau riches and the genteel poor!

I think in general it is people who have ostentatious showing off of money who are looked down on. I always remember an article about Eton which said that an old Volvo estate (which was our car at the time) was the right kind of image for a parent to collect a child. Flashy and showy has always been a bit common in the UK.

your right heated i did have a preconceived idea of who attends private school. Mainly because i don't know anyone in my circle of friends who has or even plans on sending their kids to a privte school, i was going on what everyone told me.

At my dd's school, if there are any cliques, I think they tend to congregate along the lines of parents who pick their children up at the school gate at 3 pm and thus see and know each other every day and those who don't.

Needless to say, the first group tends to be SAHMs or those with very pt jobs. And the second group tends to be WOHMs or those with more full-on pt jobs. It is just natural that you are more familiar with those you see everyday. At nursery level, the SAHMs tend to have children in the pt classes, while the WOHMs have children in the ft classes.

I don't really see it dividing up along income lines. There are the odd ridiculously wealthy but all in all, most sacrifice to sent their children to the school and dress down at the school gate. A lot of them live in areas where there are no good state schools. You also see a higher number of only children - where I assume the income can stretch to pay fees for one child, but not more.

This is London, though, where the surrounding areas are quite diverse. I suspect that in a wealthy suburb esp within the home counties commuter belt where you get more SAHMs who don't need to work, there would be more competition at the school gate along status lines.

Just my theory.

xenia how on earth did you manage to send 5 to private school were they at the same time. we debating over two