those with kids at private primary - advice needed

[doublehelp]

I currently have two DD's the eldest is at a school nursery. It is a very good school but i'm just not happy with it.
I have looked at other primary schools around the area but they just don't feel right.
Me and DH had always agreed that they would go private at 11 if they get through the entrance exams with the extra coaching needed.
However i have been to see a local private Infant/junior school and have fallen in love with it it tickes all the boxes for what i want from a school. We can afford the fees if i return to work part time as we would have two pay for.

The problem is that we would be giving up on certain things like cutting down on th enumber of holidays abroad each year etc which are both prepared to do.

Not knowing anyone that has a child in a private school would they get left out or picked on because we don't have the kind of lifestyle that some of the kids do or the money and people have told me the parents can be really clicky
we have made an appointment next week to finalise everything but i am still 10% unsure

If the school feels open and friendly it probably is. With home moves etc my kids have between them attended 5 different private/independent schools. One was snobby - actually not snobby but really full of people focussed on what you had and how big your house was.
We sussed it pretty quickly and pulled him. Only didn't notice because we were a bit more focussed on DS2 at that time and DS1 had to kind of fit in.
In every other case the schools have been full of pretty mixed groups - and actually my two best friends amongst all the mums are probably the richest and the poorest ( funnily enough the richest looks really scruffy and the poorest looks like Grace Kelly. Both drink like fish, laugh like drains and would help me out at the drop of a hat - as I would them.
One piece of advice I would give though is do look at future fees and make sure you are covered.
When DS! started 10 years ago £700 per term was fine. Ten years on and £3,500 per term plus DD's four figure fees are a bit ouch.

Pagwatch i asked the school about fee increase and they said i should budget for around 8-10% easch year - is this about right

I was 25 and working full time when I sent the first one to a private nursery school and 27 with 3 children and nanny to pay for when we sent her to full time private school. I suppose if you get used to paying for child care the cost of one day nanny (then at least) was the same as 2 sets of school fees so in a way those parents paying for childcare can seamlessly move from nanny to private school and not feel the pain as it were. Also our third child only paid 15% of the fees as his father taught at the same school. The twins didn't start full time school until the oldest was 18 although of course I still had university costs and they have worked out to be exactly the same £10k a year as the £10k a day day school fees.

In fact this is the first year in 23 years that I have not been paying for a nanny or school fees or university fees of the eldest who is doing exams today but is now sponsored by her future employer. That still leaves 4 being supported.

There will be a limit to increases based on what parents can afford and from today's papers I suspect Brown is going all out to stop increases in public sector pay for a while. Most of schools' cost are teachers' salaries - I think 70 - 80% so if state school teacher pay goes up so does private school and so do the fees. It's fairly simple economics. If they added 17.5% vat though in due course that would be nasty - ouch.

Yes that sounds about right.
I was also referring though to the price increases as your child moves through the school system. I just meant that you should look at how much you will need as they move into senior years. It can be quite a big jump.

It pretty much doubles at year 7 but grandparents have offered to help at that point with the fees

Ds2 and ds3 are at a private school. We haven't had a holiday in years and probably won't. They fit in fine.

Literally the only cliquiness (is that a word) that I have experianced has been from mums who assume that because I'm young, reasonably pretty and take care in my appearance then I must be a superior bi*ch
At DCs school the only reason you might possibly experiance any hostility in the playground is if your children are little thugs (which I'm sure they're not )
Money just doesn't factor into it, its no big deal!

No cliquiness to report here either. Mine at a private day school. It's academically selective. The social and racial demographic is amazingly diverse. Is fun. Have no time to do much joining in, but that's not for lack of people being welcoming.

I think there are very upmarket boarding schools which give private schools a bit of a bad rep.

doublehelp - lucky you

belladonna - can't you just disarm them with your modesty?

Where are you Doublehelp?

The city where we live has about 26% of children in private schools so by sheer force of numbers there are lots of parents who forego expensive holidays and expensive cars (ourselves included) and prioritise education.

I moved ours at age 9 and 11 from the state system. My daughter endured constant low grade bullying, being called 'swot' and 'you talk posh' and my son was falling in with the little tearaways.

Two years down the line they are both thriving, and excelling at school work, behaviour and have self-discipline.

Yes, there are some very, very rich and famous parents at our school but it simply not the done thing to flaunt wealth. I have never tried to be competitive but equally have never really seen others trying to show off either.

In my experience, it is the best decision we made for our kids.

hi pacific we are in st albans herts

Pacific,
Interesting to read your post - I will be moving my two children to private school in September at exactly the same ages as yours and for pretty much the same reasons. I hope my experience will match yours!!!

Snobishness (is that a word ) and wealth don't seem to be connected at DS's school - the mothers who have formed a clique (from which I am very definitely excluded) are not the wealthiest by any means!

At DS's school there is a reverse snobbishness amongst the wealthiest families who compete to have the most bedraggled looking dog in the back seat, the most worn out barber jacket and the most scuffy car. And almost everyone buys their uniform from the second hand shop at the school. Wealth is an embarassment to most of the people I know who have it.

There IS a clique - a small but loudly braying group of yummies. But they are in a tiny minority (it is like being back at school when there was always a gang of 4 or 5 girls who reckoned they were cooler/prettier/more worldly than anyone else... and everyone else just let them get on with their superiority complex whilst we got on with actually living our lives). Think WAGS to get an idea. This group really look down their noses on those of us who send their kids to school with a nanny, and they also I think exclude those parents who are married to teachers at the school. But this clique aren't the wealthiest people by a very long shot. The very vast majority of people I encounter at the school are polite, a bit reserved, and fairly nice when you get a chance to speak to them. Just like any other group of people really.

However, do prepare yourself for your children to make you feel a bit ashamed every now and then by showing better manners than you have taught them yourself... it is very weird when that happens (or is it just me?)

Pagwatch, i'm not being boastful or conceited.
I'm not drop dead gorgeous by any means but I AM reasonably pretty...
at least at the moment, i shall have to wait and see how age ravages me...

Squiffy, absolutely (re the manners): I'm not such a slouch when it comes to courtesy (I trust), but:

• those courageous mothers with their welcoming smiles and hands out ready for shaking on dd's first morning;

• that darling little girl who wanted to know if dd "would like someone to play with" her first lunchtime; and

• our long-term (ex) nanny, who after seeing dd recently, was hugely amused by dd "saying Thank You all day long" (and this is a nanny whose stance on Manners is second to none) -

are all indications of a standard which is quite significantly higher than we've had before (and/or one comes across normally in ordinary grown-up life). It's nice.