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Original poster

Bad behaviour in private schools

47 replies

TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:09

General messing around and disruptive behaviour in class.

How much do you / would you accept?

And what would you expect the school to do if there was more than you thought acceptable?

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 05/10/2017 13:11

Plenty, in some schools. Some kids have attitude of "I don't need a job as mummy and daddy will bank roll me, so no need to behave". If you're concerned, speak to a pastoral staff member about their behaviour policy.

MamaOfTwos · 05/10/2017 13:14

If you are the teacher you need to seek support from your HOY about behaviour expectations

LIZS · 05/10/2017 13:21

Ime relatively little changes if you complain. Especially if their families are well regarded and/or the children deemed bright if spirited Hmm

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:24

I'm a parent. It's a non-selective prep school. Of course there are various children (most of who are generally lovely) who have their 'moments' from time to time. And some are more challenging than others. No problem with that. And all in all v happy with the school.

But this year in my DCs class there is one boy who will just not be quiet and do as he's told. Constantly making jokes, talking over the teacher etc. Every day my DC comes home telling me how many times this boy got told off, how many warnings blah blah. But nothing changes.

I just don't think it's acceptable that my DC has to listen to this all day.

But how long do I let this disruption go on for before asking them what exactly their plan is.

If how is best to raise it if I need to?

OP posts:
Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:24

Not a bright kid. Not gifted in any other way. New family. Nothing special. Not a la-dee-da type of school.

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Thegirlinthefireplace · 05/10/2017 13:28

If he's new, maybe they're giving him a bit of time to settle in. It doesn't sound like you have spoken to the teacher at all so first step would be tell the teacher how it's making your own child feel and see what she says.

If you have spoken to teach r, what did s/he say?

LIZS · 05/10/2017 13:30

You can't expect them to discuss any child other than your own. Talk about the effect it is having on your dc. The most we achieved was changing class at the end of the year.

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:32

I've not raised it yet. Not least because I don't want to moan before the first half of term is done!

Is it reasonable to start with "X is causing an awful lot of disruption for DC. Do you expect the behaviour to improve any time soon?"

Is there a better way to put it?

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/10/2017 13:33

Ask about class room management. If you make it about the other child they will immediately become defensive.

LadyRosalieBeauchamp · 05/10/2017 13:34

No that is not a reasonable to start the conversation. There may be reasons for X's behaviour. It is good to let them know the impact on your child - but asking about the development of another child is not ok

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:38

Ok. Not about the development of another child. But what I want to know is whether or not the disruptions my DC is dealing with are going to be resolved.

So I just let them know the upset / disruption is considerable and that I expect it to change?

So then, how much bad behaviour and disruption is too much before you deem its not worth paying for?

OP posts:
ProfessorCat · 05/10/2017 13:39

Have you ever been to private school? Classroom disruption is the least of your worries Grin

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:40

Professor that comment makes zero sense.

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LIZS · 05/10/2017 13:42

Are you talking about y5/6 by any chance?

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:43

No, younger. Why? Is that a typical age for messing around?

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LIZS · 05/10/2017 13:45

It is when it seems to peak. Younger it may simply be down to adjusting to new school and rules.

Stopbarkingdamndog · 05/10/2017 13:50

I have a thread about bad behaviour in private school and how a fight incident involving DD was mis handled. Still pretty appalled and not sure I should suggest you should read it as a good example!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3051457-DD-involved-in-fight-at-school

I would suggest not mentioning th child by name. If he is that disruptive, the teacher will know who you are talking about and if not, they can ask you who you mean. Only focus on the impact on your child and how the teacher can help your child. They will shut down any conversation specifically about the other child and, IME, you'll end up wasting a lot of time if you try to go down that route.

ProfessorCat · 05/10/2017 13:55

In what way does it not make sense? It makes perfect sense. I'd worry more about other aspects of behaviour, as classroom disruption is normal in any school.

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:57

Yes it is normal in most schools. That's why I'm paying for private!! One of many reasons anyway.

I have no other concerns about any other aspects of behaviour.

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Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 13:57

barking I've read your opening post. Sounds horrendous!!

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ProfessorCat · 05/10/2017 14:02

As a past pupil of three private schools and a teacher in more, I can categorically confirm that it is also normal in private schools.

I also found both as a teacher and a pupil that bullying may be worse (and more underhand) and that drugs and alcohol are more obtainable, at a younger age than state schools.

I'm guessing you don't have much experience of private schools?

LIZS · 05/10/2017 14:06

You've been naive to think paying avoids such issues. What you need to focus on is the management of it.

Cantseethewoods · 05/10/2017 14:16

I think it depends on the school. DCs school is hot on behaviour but has a big waiting list so can afford to be. It's non-selective and inclusive with relatively big classes (22) but children with SEN sometimes get extra support at the parents' expense.

Original poster
TryingNotToMoan · 05/10/2017 14:17

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect behaviour management to be of a greater standard in a class of 12 children over a class of 30. That's what I'm paying for.

I'll let the teacher know there is some disruption affecting my DC and see where it goes from there.

Professor I think you're confusing experience of private schools with experience of bad private schools. My DCs current school is a very good, caring, nurturing, modern, family focused school. We tend to actively avoid the sort of schools you're describing.

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ProfessorCat · 05/10/2017 14:33

Then you're delusional.

I was removed from the "best" Private school in Wales (league tables) at the time due to bullying so horrific there was pice involvement.

I was then sent to a private school with a nurturing, caring ethos. The problems there were astounding.

I have worked in some of the top private schools in the UK and if you honestly think you're paying for good behaviour, you should really rethink things.

In my experience, some of the teachers I have come across in private schools have been the worst I have ever experienced, both as a child and an adult. (For the pedants, obviously not all). The most nurturing, caring, productive, engaging, wonderful teachers I have ever met, trained with, observed and experienced have ALL been in state schools.