Bad behaviour in private schools

[TryingNotToMoan]

General messing around and disruptive behaviour in class.

How much do you / would you accept?

And what would you expect the school to do if there was more than you thought acceptable?

I think we don't really need a resume of your schooling or rather sad teaching career, professor. I think you are over emphasising your own problems and you seem to have had an awful lot of unsatisfactory jobs where class control was an issue for you.

OP - I think you will also find the teacher has an issue with class control. It sounds like a school with generally nice families but you cannot necessarily blame the child 100%. The teacher needs to control this disruptive behaviour and it is reasonable to say your child is not happy about what is happening and how it is affecting learning.

It is also fair to say that some lesser private schools do employ staff who wouldn't last 5 minutes in state schools. Their teaching skills may be questionable and they may be very dull lessons which leads to inattentive children. Is the teacher qualified in the uk? I have seen a few shockers in my time! Not every child conforms to expected behaviour norms and inadequate teachers cannot manage 12 if even one is a bit of a handful.

Do you have parents' meetings? These sorts of issues tend to get raised at them if there is a general consensus of unease. I do think that all teachers should be able to teach a small group of children so I would clearly state the problems being experienced by my child and ask what will be done to improve the situation. If there is no improvement, see the Head. Not all private schools are like this but some do scrape the bottom of the barrel for competent staff.

'Some kids have attitude of "I don't need a job as mummy and daddy will bank roll me, so no need to behave'
Mt DS's spent 13 years in private schools and I worked in then for 6 + years over this time I've met children of some of the richest families in the UK and even the world Ive never heard a child say that. IME these parents are sone of the most pushy and ambitious for their DC's. It's also a myth to assume private schools are stuffed with perfectly behaved children.

Professorcat I've seen rubbish teachers in state schools and in the independent sector neither has a monopoly on outstanding or poor teachers. Probably the best teacher DS1 (who's been educated in both) ever experienced was in a tiny nondescript prep, his other best teacher was a math teacher at his comp he managed to get by severely dyscalculic DS1 to pass his math GCSE. DS2 would say his best was a totally off the wall teacher at Winchester who was unable to keep to any exam syllabus but was an amazing teacher in terms of inspiring others about his passions in life. The most caring I've ever met was DS2's HM a truly amazing man.

I think we don't really need a resume of your schooling or rather sad teaching career, professor. I think you are over emphasising your own problems and you seem to have had an awful lot of unsatisfactory jobs where class control was an issue for you

Well aren't you a presumptive delight?

I've had a great teaching career, thanks. Not sad at all, in fact, award winning. Not that it's relevant.

I don't have any problems, especially class control. I wasn't aware that you'd observed me.

U ok, hun?

Oh gosh, same @happygardening. There are both ends of the scale in both types of school.

Your description of children rather made me feel that you had a very difficult time teaching them, professor. I just love teachers who seem to hate children! Who gives teaching awards? Out of curiousity. Also, don't call me "hun".

Your description of children rather made me feel that you had a very difficult time teaching them, professor

Not in the slightest. I've had a fantastic career so far. Loved every second.

I just love teachers who seem to hate children

Ah, you'd hate me then. I'm one of those that go way above and beyond because the children are so worth it.

Who gives teaching awards? Out of curiousity

Newspapers, LEAs, Pride of Britain, charities, to name but a few.

Also, don't call me "hun"

Oops, I already did. Hun.

Bubbles The teacher is actually very highly qualified and very highly regarded. Smart, interesting, engaging. Like a Stepford Teacher. (Probably a candidate for winning one of those awards Professor is going on about.) Although inexperienced.

They normally run a very tight ship and generally have a very well behaved class. But I feel they have been handed a bit of a dumb deal with this kid who neither listens nor cares.

We're talking about daily sanctions and weekly trips up to the HM. I believe in 4 weeks the child in question has already 'earnt' more sanctions than was given out to the whole school last year.

The teacher is following the school's behaviour policy to the letter so I suspect the matter is in the hands of management to decide what, if anything, needs to be done.

I have mentioned my concerns to the teacher, very much with the emphasis being on my DCs wellbeing / progress. The specific point about the class disruptions wasn't responded to - as people said it wouldn't be. However, it was noted and I doubt I'm the only one to have mentioned it. So we'll see. I don't think I'll need to worry for much longer.

Professor you sound very bitter and stressed. Do you have some

Professor you sound very bitter and stressed. Do you have some wine

I couldn't be less stressed really - wrong again!

I don't drink alcohol. I don't find I need it to enjoy my life

OP, what you are hearing from your ds is that the only problem is this particular child. The difficulty is that that is the bit you really can't go in and discuss with the teacher because of confidentiality. To be fair, you probably wouldn't want the teacher to discuss any problems your child might have with any comer either, so I'm sure you can see where that rule comes from.

You will have to make it about class disruption instead. Explain that your ds is finding it difficult to concentrate at the moment.

When you speak to the teacher and when you speak to your son, try to get an idea of what this disruption actually is. Try to get an idea of whether your ds is being distracted because the behaviour is so loud or violent that he absolutely can't help being distracted, or whether he is the kind of child who is constantly craning his neck to see if the other children are being as good as he thinks they should be. I did work experience in a school and later on supply teaching, and I remember very clearly that there were some pupils who seem to spend more time looking to see if their peers were working than actually doing any work themselves. They were most indignant when told to stop disrupting the class: to their minds they were the ones who were helping the teacher and being good.

Go in with an open mind and be prepared for the conversation to go either way. Be clear that you understand that the teacher cannot breach confidentiality. Just explain that your ds is being distracted in class and ask if anything can be done to minimise disruption.

happy yes, I said some children. You've not met them. That's ok. I did. That's also ok. They were the minority for sure, but they exist. I did point out that Daddy would probably want employees with actual qualifications, but the lad in question disagreed.

I also had a parent absolutely rip in to her son for a minor infraction, stating she didn't work to jobs to send him so he could piss about. Good for her!

*two jobs

TryingNotToMoan - but you said it is a prep school. The drugs, alcohol, bullying, sex etc. don't really kick in until senior school and so hard to tell from the outside.

I think like anything there are good private schools and bad private schools, some people have good experiences and some have bad. Discussing that isn't actually helping the OP in any way.

I have had experience of 3 boys in 3 state school settings, 3 prep school settings, and 2 senior independents.

I have found the independent schools to be less tolerant of poor or disruptive behaviour generally although there always seems to be that one kid that does tend to get away with things for longer periods than others and then suddenly they are asked to leave. I am not sure whether it is because those kids had additional needs that they were taking into consideration when they were younger and therefore tried to work with the child and those parents to improve things but I strongly suspect this to be the case. Eventually though the behaviour wouldn't be tolerated and they were gone!

I would do as a PP suggested and say that your child is finding he is being distracted by certain behaviour in the class and what can the school do to help your child?

Why should it be about classroom management, focusing on the teacher rather than the shortcomings of the parent who doesn't teach their child basic manners? Look at TES community to see the stuff that some teachers have to put up with, from parents and students. Very different in cases where there are difficult circumstances, a statement etc. Sounds like that other child is a nightmare. I work in a similar environment and the expectation to teach teenagers basic levels of behaviour is exhausting. And not helped by some parents who believe their child can do absolutely nothing wrong. Sorry, it's a waste of your money if a child like that isn't dealt with properly and that should be an senior management decision in terms of whether he is allowed to stay in the school.

OP, phone not scrolling properly and saw your post about the sanctions. IMO, they're worthless. It's a meaningless paper trail.

Private schools don't need to bother with paper trails much. They are not controlled by the state, but by their own policies.

If the teacher is good and she is following the behaviour policy, then it will ramp up. We are in mid October. Private Schools can, and do, suggest to parents that their children are not in the right school and that they move on. I would be surprised if the class teacher will tolerate this for much longer. Private schools are also driven to keep parents on-side. They won't want you or other parents thinking of leaving due to this child's behaviour. I would hang on in there and see what happens. Speak to other parents. Do you meet up and have a class rep? I think you will have to back off though if the child has SEN but the child can still be asked to leave a private school if they say they cannot meet his needs.

I fear that in some cases a healthy donation to the school overrides repercussions for bah behaviour.

If it didn’t DP wouldn’t have got past his fast year I’m sure 😂

None in 2 of the 3 schools we've been at!

The one that did was a bloody nightmare and they didn't really care too much about the actual children - I think the kids got in the way of business.

Fekko it’s one of the things that worries me about DCs going to private school.

On current trajectory my partner will be able to afford to bribe them for bad behaviour, but morally I couldn’t (I don’t think DP would either and it would be his or our money not just mine)

Unless I write a bestseller

We've not had to resort to bribary thank goodness.

The poor kid just had to get 80% at ce, get a good report from school, behave himself and keep up with the work. I don't think even Prince George would get a free pass at this school!

A school that turns a blind eye is just in it for the money.