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Original poster

behaviour in state vs private

57 replies

ESTRO · 22/07/2013 13:32

I have 3 kids and the eldest (girls) are happy and settled at our local state primary, my youngest is a boy due to start in 2014. Right from the start he has been more challenging, doesn't listen and can be quite naughty. He's bright but very 'can't be bothered not going to do it's
Private school is an option and I just wondered anyone with experience of both at primary level whether behaviour is better in the private sector, I suppose I think small class sizes must help a teacher keep a more wilful kid on track..? Any advice would be very helpful!

OP posts:
Redlocks30 · 22/07/2013 13:34

I would never send one of my children private and not the others!

GooseyLoosey · 22/07/2013 13:37

Think it depends very much on the schools in question.

Moved mine out of the state sector last year in Yrs 3 and 4. Part of the reason was a problem with bullying for ds in Yr 4. There has been one incident in his new prep school and they were all over it - they are quite clear that they will exclude the perpetrator's if there is any recurrence. This attitude is not a surprise as we chose the school for ds because it is very rigorous in its expectations both in terms of school work and discipline (without being authoriarian at all).

By contrast, dd was in a well behaved class at her state primary school. She has moved to an all girls school with a much more child centred attitude (as she lacked confidence). Generally the girls are well behhaved (as girls this age generally are), but when there is a problem, I am not sure how well equipped the school is to deal with it.

Elibean · 22/07/2013 13:59

It depends totally on the school, IMO.

Behaviour and safety have, rightly, been rated outstanding at my dds' state primary. The children are happy, pastoral care is fantastic, and issues are addressed as soon as they crop up.

Having been to private schools myself, and having seen some of the bullying that is denied by the authorities in some private schools - and state schools - I can promise you it really does depend on the individual school.

Reastie · 22/07/2013 14:03

It completely depends on the school OP, there will be some private schools where behaviour is relatively poor, comparably there will be state schools with excellent behaviour, it all depends on the school.

rabbitstew · 22/07/2013 14:08

Bear in mind that there are two different issues in every school: behaviour during class time in front of the class teacher and behaviour at all other times during the school day. Some schools manage to keep reasonably on top of behaviour in class time, but don't seem to manage to spread the general ethos of respect and consideration for others to other parts of the school day. Since a lot of children are miserable at school because of what happens out of the teacher's sight and earshot, it is worth remembering that.

PhoenixUprising · 22/07/2013 14:18

The other thing is - are you prepared for your child to be expelled for bad behaviour?

Cause if a private school requires good behaviour and he can't do that, that can be the end result.

Helpyourself · 22/07/2013 14:19

You can't send one and not the others, especially as he's a boy- way to set up your dds for a whole load of resentment Angry

DS might well thrive in smaller classes; especially if the school doesn't follow the early years curriculum (especially literacy and numeracy hours), but you should move them all, not just one,

olivo · 22/07/2013 14:33

Bear in mind that the state school may have better systems and strategies for supporting behaviour than the private. It depends on the individual schools.

Talkinpeace · 22/07/2013 15:36

it depends on

  • the schools
  • your kids
  • their friends
  • the weather
  • the phases of the moon
ok the last two are silly, but the variables are far too huge to be assessed by strangers
beatback · 22/07/2013 16:08

It depends on whether the School has a malignant 5% of pupils or not?

holmessweetholmes · 22/07/2013 16:09

I have taught in 3 state schools (2 mixed, 1 boys') and 1 private (girls'). The behaviour and general attitude in the private school was a million times better in the private one than all the others. Just no comparison. The fact that it was a girls' school probably made a difference too (although apparently the behaviour at our local girls' state school is pretty bad).

beatback · 22/07/2013 16:12

Holmes/sweetholmes .Did the bad behaviour stem from the same malignant 5% or so of pupils?

holmessweetholmes · 22/07/2013 16:18

No. There were always a few really appallingly-behaved ones, but they never bothered me as much because they usually had sad or awful reasons for their behaviour, and would be removed from lessons if they really kicked off. What I found utterly depressing was the 20-40% who just can't be arsed and piss around the whole time, have no respect for anyone much, and think the world owes them something. Can't be bothered to bring books or a pen to class. Are low-level rude and aggressive to each other most of the time.

ouryve · 22/07/2013 16:20

If he's that challenging, a lot of private schools would find an excuse to get rid of him, pretty quickly.

Reastie · 22/07/2013 16:53

Holmes that's interesting as I've taught in a girls state and mixed private and the behaviour at the state was better!

Agree with ouryve but also depends on how desperate they are to fill up numbers/if they have people on waiting list to take the place.

beatback · 22/07/2013 17:11

Reastie. Was it a Girls Grammar School?

Reastie · 22/07/2013 18:43

erm, yes!

beatback · 22/07/2013 18:53

Reastie if you being serious and not sarcastic you have just proved a point about selective education and the state school was probably more selective and had kids with more serious attitudes to education than even the private school you have taught in. The sad thing is that you would not be saying the state school was better behaved if you taught bottom set at a bog standard comprehensive would you.

rabbitstew · 22/07/2013 18:56

I know an all boys' state grammar school where the behaviour is appalling. Does that say more about clever boys, or about the school?

beatback · 22/07/2013 19:04

When you say appalling does that mean swearing at the teacher or throwing chairs around the classroom and does the boys Grammar School have kids excluded from lessons and taught in internal exclusion then?

senua · 22/07/2013 19:13

I'm sorry. Have I got this right?
Your DDs are well-behaved so they get the standard provision. Your DS is "more challenging, doesn't listen and can be quite naughty" so he gets special treatment.Shock You do know that you are not supposed to reward bad behaviour, don't you? If I was one of the sisters then I would be resentful and be tempted to start playing up.

lljkk · 22/07/2013 19:20

Okay, so DS was at a private school that specialised in difficult cases & oddballs. There were a fair few there with ADHD or other emotional or legacy issues (one lad had been abused prior to adoption, another had brittle bone disease, one had a nervous phobia, etc.).
I sent DS there for pastoral care (self esteem dive after bullying).
On the whole I think the school was much better for moody upset children than a standard state school ever could be.
But then, they did specialise in hard cases.
Most private schools specialise in, well, elitist education and high academic results. So not what you're after.
From DS's POV, the state & private ed kids were no less & no more disruptive.
I would try the state school out before looking for a private option. Remember your DS will be a different person there than he is around you.

Original poster
ESTRO · 22/07/2013 19:37

Thanks to those who have posted helpful comments... My girls leave next year and the year after and are going to a private secondary, which has an attached prep school my son could go to instead of state if we think its in his interests. He's not actually as bad as maybe the picture I painted, just different from what we're used to! Thanks all

OP posts:
rabbitstew · 22/07/2013 20:34

beatback - I mean occasional chair throwing, bullying and fighting in public places.

beatback · 22/07/2013 22:05

Rabbitstew. So the boys grammar school is a super selective boarstal then what's the academic girls boarstal up the road like then.