Update From Step Mum

[NowAndAgain44]

Thank you all for your comments. I wrote a post on here about 8 months ago. I’m a step mum and a mum. I wrote a post asking for advice on having my step children at my wedding because the relationship with their mother is very high conflict. I described the situation exactly as I have in the other two posts from yesterday (child arrangements & unpaid spousal maintenance) from my own perspective and I got absolutely crucified by MN members. I deleted my profile as it was so bad. Women absolutely hating me, just because I’m a step mum daring to get engaged after 5 years together. Women telling me how selfish I was and that I should not be having a wedding, I should be moving to a bigger house for step children that are not allowed to stay with us. All because I’m a step mum. They also told me my partner was a terrible father and I shouldn’t support him or marry him because his financial situation was so bad. Which is all because his ex wife has bled him dry and continues to want more and a female judge not only allowed it, but her words have given this woman the confidence and entitlement to cause his bankruptcy.

Everything I’ve described in those posts is true. The bio mum even reported to CMS a few months ago that the payments she received for years didn’t include any CM and asked for collect and pay. CMS take 6 months to investigate so he’s now bankrupt and being chased by CMS for £800 PER WEEK! And they are taking money directly from his bank account, he gets contestant emails and texts from CMS demanding money from him. Luckily there is a max amount they are allowed to deduct and she’s now getting less than he was paying her before.

all 100% factual. I’ve not changed any of the figures or any of the facts.

I just wanted to see how MN would react if I spun the story from the other perspective, funny how different the reaction was. Some of you guessed, clever ladies.

As a step mum I try my best to support two young kids and a very broken man and my own two teenagers. MN is apparently not the place for someone like me, but I’m also glad to see so many women horrified at the bio mum and her actions and reasons we have been given for her actions, just a shame the support wasn’t shown to me when I described being on the receiving end of this campaign of revenge and greed.

I imagine there are lots of bio mums on here who use their kids as weapons to hurt their ex, and they use this platform for support in that. I hope you see this post and I hope you stop and think about that. Don’t hate your ex more than you love your kids, you’ll live to regret it I promise.

Your post was obviously written as a reverse.

The only reason you got such responses was because you were telling your version of events and pretending you were the DM. Your posts were totally and utterly unreasonable. But no one on the thread really believed that was the full truth of it. Quite a lot guessed it was a reverse.

You cannot be objective, no matter how much you think you are. And I don’t believe for even one second that what you have set out is the full truth.

That’s a shame. But as I say all are facts. All amounts are true and all actions are as described. make of it what you will. That’s up to you.

OP
Please stop trying here.
My husband's ex was physically (convicted!) and psychologically abusive to him. With no 'mitigating circumstances' (barf) from him as to why she was doing it.
Yet MN still minimised that because she's the mother of his children.

Why are you so desperate for validation on MN

Oh ffs. Just be straightforward. What exactly do you think you are entitled to and why?

Where are the two threads,?

That’s a shame. But as I say all are facts. All amounts are true and all actions are as described. make of it what you will. That’s up to you
There is no such things as 'facts' when describing situations where emotions get trapped with interpretation.

That's why forums like this are toxic. It's very very rare that any description of a situation are undisputable. The main reason for conflict is the difference in the interpretation of a situation.

In some posts, it is highly obvious that the way the 'unreasonable' person referred to is not truly acting as described.

I believed your post because there are ex-wives who do behave appallingly in divorce proceedings. However, it's rare they are so opened about showing it. Their posts are usually full of reasons why they are the victim and they deserve what they are fighting for.

Its also very possible, and a really more often the case, that ALL parties in a conflictual situation act badly and unreasonably.

You really don't need validation from 'Mumsnet'. Just hide this thread and try to stop thinking about it

I agree. We are all very quick to judge and many women including myself sometimes, have bias towards mums and against dads. My ex husband is a crap dad and lies about his self employed income to pay half the CMS he should. He never comes to parents evenings or to watch them play sport. I’m well aware of men and their tricks. But unfortunately I’ve seen mums who are so bitter, they willingly put their children in the middle of a war for years. I’ve also seen many women online this week defending Russell Brand. I will never understand.

I know what you’re saying but at this point I’m really not looking for validation. I’m highlighting the unconscious bias of many women on this platform. Like a social experiment, and it didn’t disappoint. It was exactly how I thought it would go. Put the same facts from the mothers point of view and she’s a terrible person. But from the step mum, the father is wrong and the step mum is selfish. I find that interesting, even if you don’t and that’s ok.

Do you really think MN is real life? You're not talking to a homogeneous group of mums that are here to agree with anything! You are talking to random strangers, bots and AI on the Internet. It's 2026! Why not just do you, no one is living your life, but you. Maybe it's time to step away, and quit the Gotcha moments, its not a social experiment and different people reply to different threads, so much of a comparison really.

Why not link the thread, OP? Also, if it was a reverse, why are you complaining about responses?

Yep, they are here to argue. It is very interesting to me that a forum full of women is this toxic.

I believe you. Completely.

I don't understand why you'd want to be part of this shit show...too much drama and too many problems for my liking, personally. I can't imagine any man is worth this much headache.

Is it a forum full of women? Or random anonymous posters, men, boys, AI, bots, Daily Fail journalists....

What are you hoping to achieve?

Mumsnet isn't a hive mind though. Its different people at any time - I didn't see your previous thread I don't think. No one is learning anything from this - you are just putting your own personal story out and getting a negative response - there isn't anything positive in this for you or anyone else. And what does it matter if its interesting if its at the expense of your mental health? (and I say that because you deleted your previous profile and left etc. Something I have done myself in the past)

I just don't think this is the lesson to Mumsnet you think it is, and its at your own expense

I’m here for discussion around this topic.

So why not post a link to the thread you’re talking about, so that discussion is possible?

Put the same facts from the mothers point of view and she’s a terrible person. But from the step mum, the father is wrong and the step mum is selfish

But there's a very obvious reason for that.

If you post in the first person, then what you are saying can't really be refuted because it YOUR account of things that you are telling, which will nearly always be taken at face value.

So if you say I've done XYZ, you will happily be told you are an awful person, but when you say someone ELSE has done XYZ, instead of people agreeing they are an awful person, they will look for reasons to play devils advocate because you giving this information about someone else, cannot possibly know the other persons motivation for doing what they are doing, so on principle you can never give a 'true' version of events, only your own take on it, which CAN be, and often IS biased, which is why it is often questioned and/or disbelieved.

It's nothing personal, it's just the typical 'there's always two sides to a story' scenario.

Well if you ask for opinions, thats what you will get. You can't then complain they're not the right opinions!

How is it that the CMS payments are now bankrupting him if he was paying more than that previously? Your statements are contradictory.

Why though?

All you've done so far is slag off Mumsnet and the posters on it.

And now it transpires you apparently lied in your last thread as it was a silly reverse.

If MN and the posters are so bad, other parenting forums are available.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5597984-unpaid-spousal-maintenance?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

But that has nothing to do with having her stepchildren at her wedding?