How does a 50/50 divorce settlement work with older children to house?

[Lonelysummer]

H and I separated earlier this year. His decision, if that's relevant.

We are just talking about the legal formalities ie split of marital assets. My understanding is that there's a broad 50/50 principle for fairness, then a consideration as to whether that meets both parties needs.

Obvs housing is the key one. I am currently living in our home with dd19 and ds17. Dh is lodging locally. If we split the housing equity in half, that will give DH enough money to buy outright or very nearly a very nice flat in our area (London) and me not enough to be able to house 3 of us anywhere in London. Even taking on as big a mortgage as I can get, buying a 3 bedroom would involve us moving away from where we are now. Ds is at school in London for another year, DD is going to university and will be back for holidays etc and probably when she graduates.

Dh decided to take his pension when he turned 60 earlier this year. I am working full time and intend to go so for as long as I can and still have a job. My job is in London and I don't fancy my chances trying to get another at my age.

Both offspring want to live with me at the moment. Ds may change his mind as he gets older, but who knows?

I am struggling to see how this is fair. Dh improves his already very chilled lifestyle, while I have to uproot the children and myself and possibly not keep my job.

I don't have any family. I am on my own and would really appreciate not losing everything I have built up here.

Can anyone explain how 50/50 works when there are adult/nearly adult children to be housed?

TIA

I got 55% of the house, 50% of pensions, and 65% of savings he got the old car, my choice

If dc1 is going to uni they are considered dependent until age 23 or uni finishes, whichever is sooner. They count against bedroom tax as well btw, as do young adults who have joined the armed forces from the family home. You are expected to keep a room for them in the eyes of the law. There's a lot of incorrect opinions on this thread! Make sure maintenance is included to end of ft education/age 23, in the settlement. It was in mine. It will not be taken into account when your household income is assessed for dc1 student finance. Other parent's household income is not assessed for SFE. I don't think 50 50 would be fair right now in your circumstances, but a charge may be placed on the property promising him a specified share once the youngest child has completed their education including uni. At that point you either downsize or pay him if you can afford to buy him out, and stay put if you prefer. If he has a charge on the property, say 50%, then to maintain that share going fwd I'd expect him to pay 50% of any mortgage and upkeep eg new windows, maintenance, etc. Or his share could be renegotiated to reflect you paying everything since the split.

You’re not obliged to keep a room for them ‘in the eyes of the law’ but if you do want to they won’t count it against you, 2 completely different things

Your h has chosen now to ask for a divorce for a reason. It favours him and not you. If DC are over 18 they are not included in the reasoning. It will be simply 50/50 division of assets. Assets will include pension sharing and equity sharing. H will have to pay support directly to DC if they are still in education. It is very unfair as obviously your DC will need a home. You could ask to pension share then try to trade some of his pension share for more equity in the house. You'll probably have to sell the house and buy something smaller. You could try to drag things out until your 17 year old finishes Sixth Form/College or ask h to wait until younger child finishes Sixth Form/College. I think after that you are going to have to sell the house as he won't wait for his equity forever. You could get a 2 bedroom and your 2 DD's would have to share a room. You should get a bit more equity as you reduced your earning potential to bring up the DC. A judge will recognise that. Your pension will also be smaller so insist on the pension sharing.

@Lonelysummer absolutely this!

Thanks all, esp those who have shared their experiences.

I've spoken with exH about us asking a solicitor to instruct a PODE to establish an accurate figure for our pensions and will move forward with that. I've spoken to a solicitor separately although won't be instructing one at the moment. The more exH and I can work out between ourselves, the better for everyone.

Once we have a proper number for our total assets, we can start negotiating properly. I don't 'expect him to wait forever for his equity', but I do expect him to recognise that there are 3 other lives impacted by his decision, and that whatever decisions are made will affect those 3 people for the rest of their lives. Tbf, he is doing this most of the time at the moment.

I will do everything I can to avoid selling the house for a few years at least, including foregoing any pension sharing, to provide stability for my children during their early adulthood. Also, so that while I come to terms with my marriage ending and having no family other than my children, I'm somewhere familiar and close to friends. If we do need to sell the house, it will be me doing all the practicalities and supporting the children, and I need to find a way to garner more internal and external resources before that.

If he wants to keep his pension that has to be reflected by him having a lower share of the house

Well, all of us that have been through this situation have told you how important it is to have solicitor representation but if you choose not to, then more fool you to be honest.

good luck

Actually, some posters have said the more that you can work out between you the better.

I may instruct a solicitor in due course, but not until we know the figures to start negotiating about.

OP, this might be be completely irrelevant to your situation, but in my case this is what has happened so far (and I'm being vague for obvious reasons).
Long marriage,stayed separated.Only after exchanging form E did I discover how much money had been concealed, whilst I survive on disability and sole carer for several teens/young adults.Without having my own solicitor, I would not have this knowledge, and we will have to go to court to get a judge to instruct him to disclose the true financial situation.You absolutely need to know what your marital assets are before you consider any negotiations-because they won't be what your husband claims, trust me.A court-appointed PODE will model different scenarios (as instructed by your own solicitor), e.g. what % of husband's pension should you get for equality of income in retirement-you can't achieve this by just knowing the CETV of his pension.

@Lonelysummer Just be aware that he really isn't your friend anymore and he doesn't seem to care much about his children either. So he's likely to try to conceal assets if possible as @furrycakes experienced.

I second that you should both complete a Form E. You should have view of complete statements for all current/savings accounts/credit cards (for the past year) and all assets/debts before you start negotiating. Ensure that he includes all income, bonuses, commission, pensions, investments, ISAs, savings accounts, cars, property and any expensive items that he may own.

Your H has had plenty of time to plan this divorce and may have attempted to siphon money into savings accounts/investments that you are not familiar with. Go through statements with a fine tooth comb and ask about (and get proof of)any unusual money transfers. You are entitled to do this, I did with my xh and he did so with my statements.

Please ensure that you, at the very least, have any agreement that you want to come to looked over by a solicitor to ensure that it is fair on you. He should do the same but it is up to him whether he does or not.

Those are different pieces of law/legislation. There is different legislation governing divorces. An individual judge may consider NT non disabled 18 year olds plus but in the divorce legislation the first priority of the court is the housing of under 18s.

In this case I would try to get as much as you can in the settlement because I guarantee he does not care about you or his children that much and will mess you over

You don't want to spend your retirement living in poverty while he has feathered his nest and is doing fine at your expense

I understand you're worried about the next three or four years because of your children being in uni but they are going to be out on their own with their families sooner than later

This is why I would instruct a solicitor rather than try to negotiate yourself because he will not fair with you and you have to protect yourself I understand you're afraid of him that is why the solicitor is necessary

You can still go form e without a solicitor. If op. Knows broadly the assets of the marriage form e may sksi not be required. It seems like there’s really only the house and pensions. If so form e is largely pointless.

once up has the pension valuation she can start to assess an offer to put to ex. And tags it from there. If they can’t reach agreement then a solicitor may be needed or op could copse to go court route.

this doesn’t sound like a woman who dies t understand if not know what’s she’s doing, nor does she sound incapable of doing slot herself.

i didn’t go down form e route and many people don’t

This is largely incomprehensible. Not sure I’d be taking this advice.

A CETV isn’t the whole story considering their differing ages and stages of life. Op needs a properly worked out split by a professional whose job is it to do so.

A solicitor is not about being antagonistic or not working out anything between yourselves. It’s about working out what is fair for both parties. My ex and I are still good friends and we both used solicitors and we were both happy with the outcome. Anyone who is annoyed at you for engaging a solicitor is NOT looking out for your best interests.

I’m not annoyed at all thanks.
and everyone telling op she must engage solicitor are simply wrong . She dies not have to now, or at all if she doesn’t wish to. There may or not come a point that she does. She is capable of deciding that fur herself.

your advice is no more or no less useful than mine and please don’t accuse me of not having op best interest at heart. I do as much as anyone on this thread thank you.

My husband didn't want a solicitor. Said it would cost us £2k each and we could do it ourselves.

I disagreed massively. I filed for divorce sooner than he expected as well but I gave him a day or twos notice. My solicitor cost me £12k but I'd have lost a lot more without them.

I was talking about her ex husband ffs not you. You don’t know her…..

As I said op, think about who you take advice from…

Tbf to exH, he does care about his children and is seeing them, very much in contact with them and contributing financially.

But, yes, he is not my friend and becomes VERY bristly when I mention pensions. I've found some PODE/actuary services who take joint applications from separating couples as well as lawyers. I will send exH three and ask him to choose which one to pursue.

He did agree, not with much enthusiasm, to getting his defined benefit pension properly valued. The CETV could be a lot less than the actual value. That figure is only part of the picture, but an important one in division of assets.

Thanks again all.

@Lonelysummer He doesn't seem to be prepared to ensure that they have stable housing while they finish their education and start working though. I don't think that's very caring.

My sister used a solicitor throughout and was very happy with the outcome as her ex was definitely not intending to share fairly. As it was the end of a long marriage however, with children now adults and living independently my sister has questioned the value of the time spent on future living requirements and the solicitor’s insistence that she should keep to her normal expenditure, given that it was always going to be a 50/50 split in the end.

My ex had a defined benefit pension. It needs a specialist as not all actuaries will be able to accurately deal with these. The CETV is completely irrelevant in the case of a DB. If you PM me I can let you know the actuary we were recommended and used, there’s actually only a few who deal with them. You would need a solicitor to instruct though - we went around the houses with this.

It was worth it though - I have more than doubled my original £200k pension pot AND I took more in equity from the house too.

Interested in this, similar situation.
Have one child at uni and one older not independent SEN who wants to live with DH.
I don't know whether he could argue greater needs to house SEN adult but he hasn't mentioned it.

Thank-you. I will do that. My first thought was that we'd have to get a solicitor to instruct and ex agreed to this.