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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

To rock the boat 1 year after house sale for £25,000

29 replies

fishharmonica · 11/08/2026 15:36

A year ago we sold our house and separated. Been living separate lives for a long time before that. We were married, so I knew it should have been 50/50 split on the house sale. However, as the sale progressed he mentioned that he had put in £50,000 more deposit than me, so he should get more from the sale. I just agreed as I wanted everything over quickly.

Now we are 1 year down the line and thinking about the divorce. Was I stupid to agree with him? We both have our own houses now, things are going ok money wise, but I can see my savings dwindling.

He has credit card debt, no savings. I have around 10,000 savings. Will also inherit at some point down the line, but hopefully not for many years yet. He has no family. We earn roughly the same, but my pension will not be as big as I took time off, then went part-time after the children (am full time now).

We get on really well, hence why I don't want to rock the boat. He pays maintenance, even although oldest is now over 18. The kids stay at his roughly once/twice a week.

I don't think my conscience will let me try claim the £25,000 back. If its even possible now? Probably make the solicitors fees more expensive and also damage out relationship.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? Just looking for a bit of perspective. Its not worth it - is it?

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 11/08/2026 15:54

I think the initial reasonings was reasonable and I think it’s now too late to try and unpick. What you’d be asking him for would be a gift, which as you say, he has no way of paying as he has debt. Most likely you get nowhere and he stops paying child maintenance, which he doesn’t have to if you have the same pay. Probably what you could do is ask for a proportion of his pension, if you don’t already have a financial agreement. If you already have a financial agreement that’s also too late.

Claveaur · 11/08/2026 15:57

The cost of the legal proceedings would swallow up your 25k, plus he’d hate you. It’s not worth it now, frustrating as that is.

Original poster
fishharmonica · 11/08/2026 16:00

Thanks @OneOfEachPlease I agree with you. Its just something I think about now and again. We have no financial agreement yet. Legally, I should be entitled to half, but morally I know he put that extra 50,000 deposit, so I get where he is coming from. I don't think my conscience would let me ask for some back. My friends think i am a mug for not asking for it, so just wanted to see what others thought.

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 11/08/2026 16:01

OP, water under the bridge. Just move on, rather than opening what could be a very expensive can of worms if it went to court. You have a good relationship with your ex - best to keep it that way.

Thundertoast · 11/08/2026 16:06

I wouldnt rock the boat.
It would also entirely depend on how he got that 50,000 to begin with. Was it that he managed to save that up before you got together, equity from another sale of his, saving pre marriage/kids etc, was it inheritance, etc etc, or was it money he was only able to earn because of you taking a hit to your earning potential due to childcare?

Original poster
fishharmonica · 11/08/2026 16:09

Thanks @Thundertoast - it was through previous equity.

Yes - agree with you all, just needed a sense check. I won't take it any further then. Keep things harmonious, for all our sakes.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 11/08/2026 16:11

You know he put that 50k why would you try to take half of it, that's really mean OP.

TinyCottageGirl · 11/08/2026 16:21

Not worth it in my opiion, sounds like you've got a good relationship and best to kepe it that way especially if he is still paying maintenance when one chid is over 18.Doesn't sound like he has anyway to pay you even if he wanted to as he doesn't have savings! I would leave it

OneOfEachPlease · 11/08/2026 16:24

The thing to consider OP is not the £25k, it’s the pension contributions you missed when being part time. If you don’t have a financial agreement you could broach this with him. It could be done through a transfer or through a split agreement. Also not cheap! But much
more worth it!

Original poster
fishharmonica · 11/08/2026 16:30

Thanks @OneOfEachPlease - yes, that's something to consider.

Going to forget about the house sale money - you have all been the voice of reason. I wasn't considering it in any malice, just something that niggles at me now and again

OP posts:
Igmum · 11/08/2026 16:35

Peace of mind is worth way more than £50k and lawyers cost way more. If you’re in a good place now that is its own reward. And yes, not quite this situation but I’ve walked away from things in the past where I could have made money by going through something insanely stressful and I don’t regret walking away.

N4meChng · 11/08/2026 16:44

I think you need the legal agreement so that you don’t risk him running up debts/ you having a lottery win and him trying to get a share of you money later. It’s u to you whether you push for anything from him, but don’t just assume everything is settled and finished

femfemlicious · 11/08/2026 16:45

fishharmonica · 11/08/2026 16:00

Thanks @OneOfEachPlease I agree with you. Its just something I think about now and again. We have no financial agreement yet. Legally, I should be entitled to half, but morally I know he put that extra 50,000 deposit, so I get where he is coming from. I don't think my conscience would let me ask for some back. My friends think i am a mug for not asking for it, so just wanted to see what others thought.

Don't ask for that. Ask for some of his pension instead since yours suffered due to having the kids.

millymollymoomoo · 11/08/2026 17:59

To correct something - legally you’re not entitled to 50%. You’re entitled to a fair share - which could be 50% but could be more or less.

however, when considering your financial settlement you both really need to factor in all assets and debts to reach an overall fair outcome - which sounds like that still needs to happen. Of course, incomes, needs etc your length of marriage and children ages would all come into that

millymollymoomoo · 11/08/2026 18:00

And this is why usually it’s best not to buy houses until full settlement is agreed !

lordbaddingham · 11/08/2026 18:02

You did the right thing morally and you have a good relationship. Just leave it now.

Summerhillsquare · 11/08/2026 18:05

WallaceinAnderland · 11/08/2026 16:11

You know he put that 50k why would you try to take half of it, that's really mean OP.

Because marriage is a joint enterprise.

KittyCorncrake · 11/08/2026 18:34

sesquipedalian · 11/08/2026 16:01

OP, water under the bridge. Just move on, rather than opening what could be a very expensive can of worms if it went to court. You have a good relationship with your ex - best to keep it that way.

This

Bufftailed · 11/08/2026 19:04

We took back what we put in abd split rest 50-50. He pays me CM. Neither of us wanted an argument.

Luckydog7 · 11/08/2026 19:15

He has debts and you have savings and you have not split finances legally yet??? Then you have to be very careful with how you proceed here as he could claim half your savings and split the debts with you potentially.

First things first. Sort the financial split yesterday!! As things stand either of you could claim a portion of each other assets because they are still marital assets.

If you want to make a deal with him that you won't touch his pension if he doesn't touch your savings or share his debt then that might be the best option. Obviously if his pension is worth a great deal then it's worth considering requesting a share of that to even things but if the difference is minimal then it just isn't worth blowing up the relationship. But sort this now!!

Luckydog7 · 11/08/2026 19:15

millymollymoomoo · 11/08/2026 18:00

And this is why usually it’s best not to buy houses until full settlement is agreed !

Thiiiiiisss

AnotherVice · 11/08/2026 19:42

Yikes. Yes you could be liable for half his debt. And he could be entitled to half your savings. Not to mention your new house and his. Very foolish not to have sorted this already. But going forward, you need to know values of everything especially the pensions. If his is worth £500k and your £15k for example, definitely worth going to court as it would be worth it even taking into account the above. If there’s no so much discrepancy then just agree to keep everything exactly as it is but make it legally binding so there’s no comeback.

ohnowhat · 12/08/2026 08:11

Financial settlement.
He's entitled to a share of your savings, you could be liable for his debt, you could also be entitled to a share of his pension.
You need to weigh up what you would gain vs what you would lose (including the good terms you are on).

Soontobe60 · 12/08/2026 08:14

You need to divorce and get your financial order sorted.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 12/08/2026 08:17

ohnowhat · 12/08/2026 08:11

Financial settlement.
He's entitled to a share of your savings, you could be liable for his debt, you could also be entitled to a share of his pension.
You need to weigh up what you would gain vs what you would lose (including the good terms you are on).

This, @fishharmonica have you built up that 10k
of savings in a year or
while married?