Telling now-adult kids about separation when they were young.

[Fireyflies]

I split with my kids' dad when they were very young. Gave them vague and age-appropriate answers to why we didn't live together as they became old enough to ask. I didn't want to damage their relationship with their dad by saying bad things about his behaviour.

DC are now in their 20s and recently suddenly pushed me on what happened and why you. We were on a walk together, along with their two partners, and I was a bit blindsided by it. DS said he could see I wasn't telling them stuff and I said that I wasn't wanting to talk right then in front of all 4 of them. I am fairly sure one or both of them will pick the conversation back up soon in private.

It's so long ago and something I don't dwell on. But their dad was shit, treating me awfully and chasing after other women. I've never told them this, but they're both very open with me about everything in their own lives including relationships. Is it time to be fully honest and trust that they will forgive their dad? Or should some things stay private?

If neither of you have really told them much, perhaps they think you split up for no real reason? And if his current marriage isn’t great they might still harbour an idea of mum and dad back together. Other posters have some good suggestions of how to cover it without too much detail. You can even say to them, discussing in great detail isn’t appropriate but you will tell them the basics.

I would tell them their dad was shit, treating me awfully and was chasing after other women.

I’m not sure I’d tie it to the DC, you don’t want them to feel any blame because it was when they came along.

The overall concept of him wanting an open relationship, you being pressured to agree and then him breaking the parameters quite publicly still stands regardless of the DC.

I found out my dad cheated on my mum from the owner of a takeaway 25 years after the event while I was heavily pregnant. It was horrible and the owner felt awful about it, I can’t talk to my siblings about it as I’m unsure what they know or don’t know. I just wish one of my parents had sat me down and had a honest discussion with me. I feel like I’m keeping his dirty little secret for him.