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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex only wants to see one child

33 replies

Etheelle · 13/07/2026 13:41

Ex and I have a toddler and I’m pregnant. He’s mentally unstable and decided I had an affair and am pregnant to someone else (not true). He has ended things, and I have said fine, because I’m exhausted of living like this.

He’s now said he wants to see the toddler every other weekend but won’t see the baby at all. It’s only early days in the pregnancy and we are currently still living together as we need to sell our house, so contact doesn’t need to be agreed yet, but what is likely to happen in this scenario?

I would be happy for him to see the toddler on a limited basis (he wants EOWE, I’m not keen on overnights due to ) but I feel this would be psychologically damaging to the baby when they’re old enough to realise?

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/07/2026 16:26

AnonTTC · 13/07/2026 16:16

Having reflected more on this, I think people also need to consider the below when giving advice:

  • Suggesting aborting the pregnancy here is very much taking a man’s problem and making it the woman’s/mothers issue - this really does not give out the right message in society. How about we focus on trying to get the husband to do the right thing or suggest helpful options in the instance he refuses?
  • The other message here is the “if a father won’t see his children then you may as well get rid of them”. Again, what does this say about women/mothers? Single women are more than capable of doing a fantastic job raising children on their own, so the suggestion that the child HAS to have a father figure otherwise their life is not worth living is ludicrous.

To say I am utterly shocked by some of the views on here would be an understatement.

Edited
Show quote history

No one is saying if a child can't have a father figure then they shouldn't be born. Posters, including myself are saying, why would OP knowingly bring a child into the world whose father doesn't want them, and is intending to treat their older siblings so differently. OP also seems to think they will be able to make all the decisions on how much access the father has, which simply isn't true, and she could face the prospect of having to hand a small baby over to this man for unsupervised access. It completely different when children are already here

Original poster
Etheelle · 13/07/2026 16:49

I’ll be getting a DNA test anyway. The child deserves to know who their father is. I’ll also be going through CMS.

I doubt he’ll want to see either of them if it means having to deal with a baby, and that’s his choice. His previous marriage also failed when his children were very young.

OP posts:
catsflorafauna · 13/07/2026 16:50

I’m sorry this is going to sound harsh but because you’ve said he’s had mental health issues (and not working on improving it). I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with any sort of agreement that isn’t through a court and advised by professionals going forward. I wouldn’t be putting forward unsupervised visits and I would be requesting paternity test through the courts as soon as baby is born. I’m sorry I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. All I can say is stay as civil as possible whilst living together. Protect yourself and your babies as soon as you’re out.

Rhaidimiddim · 13/07/2026 16:54

Etheelle · 13/07/2026 13:55

There’s no chance he’ll want 50/50. He is obsessed with his (low-paying) job and only does an occasional nursery run now under extreme duress and I can count the times he’s done bedtime on two hands. He’s got older children who he sees every other weekend (Fri-Sun), and he wants the same pattern. If he is stable, I don’t have a problem with building up to overnights in due course.

My question is on what happens when a parent only wants to see one child and not the other.

My solicitor told me, when ex said he wasn't going to take the younger one any more, both or neither.

But I really wouldn't want to hand over a small child to a man with mental health issues who has decided the child isn't his and doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

PearlCream · 13/07/2026 17:14

The number of people on this thread thinking it's appropriate to wade in and tell OP to abort the pregnancy is actually wild. That isn't what OP has asked for input on and it's absolutely nobody's decision but hers. Some of you need to seriously think about what you're saying.

Original poster
Etheelle · 14/07/2026 10:47

Rhaidimiddim · 13/07/2026 16:54

My solicitor told me, when ex said he wasn't going to take the younger one any more, both or neither.

But I really wouldn't want to hand over a small child to a man with mental health issues who has decided the child isn't his and doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

Show quote history

No, I wouldn’t either. I am planning to be non-committal until I can move out, and then see how things are. I will also discuss my concerns with SC’s mum at this point (I don’t think it’d be safe or helpful to do something before we live separately).

OP posts:
Probablylate21 · 14/07/2026 10:50

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/07/2026 13:43

I wouldn't continue the pregnancy and inflict that man as a dad on another child. He has parental rights, you won't be able to stop him having overnights.

Edited to say you can't limit his time with his child. If he decides to pursue 50/50, he would probably get it. You need to prepare yourself for that possibility, it isn't your decision.

Edited

You can’t terminate a baby just because their dad is abit of a knob ffs. Do a DNA test once baby is born to shut him up and if he won’t except them still that’s on him. The baby has a great mother and can still lead a great life.

hopefully OP, he gets some mental healthy support in the meantime and can be a healthy functioning adult by the time baby will arrive

Fartughtyred · 14/07/2026 10:59

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/07/2026 16:24

I'm not. How you choose to read my message is on you. It is in my opinion selfish to continue a pregnancy and give birth to a child you know will have an awful relationship with their father. OP already has one child she is going to have to help navigate through the childhood trauma they will have with a mentally unstable father, why bring another poor child into the mix if you don't have to.

Show quote history

OP did not invite your opinion as to whether to keep the baby or not and your inference that would be selfish for her to keep her baby and should terminate the pregnancy is outrageous. I too find your response highly inappropriate, could you not have just addressed the issue as described in the title?

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