Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can I say no to this

27 replies

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:05

So my ex and I have been separated 3.5 years .
He has been collecting dc Tues,wed,Thurs after work around 5pm and dropping back to me at 8am the following mornings. He takes him every Saturday 9am-5pm and every second Saturday 9am-12pm Sunday. He has sent me a message proposing he takes dc as usual Tues-Thurs but dropping him to school instead of back to me and then Saturday 9am-3pm and second Saturday 9am- 9am Sunday can I say no to this? If it goes to court will a court give him this ?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 14:09

I’m a bit confused, why would you say no to this?

Mid week, surely you don’t see much of them if they don’t get dropped off until 8am before school anyway?

And it’s then less weekend time to make up for that, is that correct?

I can’t see why a court would immediately reject it but I also don’t understand why you are so against it?

Justcallmedaffodil · 07/08/2025 14:11

The question is, why do you want to say no? It doesn’t sound vastly different from your current arrangement.

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 14:11

Why don’t you want this ? When a parent collects after work and drops off at other parent’s house the next morning then it looks like they are doing it for a child maintenance reduction. Him taking them to school means that they can leave for school a little later which is good for the kids.

I wouldn’t want him having every Saturday. I might want to take the kids away to see my side of the family overnight so a Saturday night every other weekend is fairer. You deserve 50% of whole weekends.

If he wants more time then I’d be proposing a long weekend over half terms.

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 14:14

I agree with others, isn't that arrangement better for you, without really losing any time with DC?

Justcallmedaffodil · 07/08/2025 14:14

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 14:11

Why don’t you want this ? When a parent collects after work and drops off at other parent’s house the next morning then it looks like they are doing it for a child maintenance reduction. Him taking them to school means that they can leave for school a little later which is good for the kids.

I wouldn’t want him having every Saturday. I might want to take the kids away to see my side of the family overnight so a Saturday night every other weekend is fairer. You deserve 50% of whole weekends.

If he wants more time then I’d be proposing a long weekend over half terms.

The every Saturday doesn’t appear to be an issue for OP, as he already has that currently. He actually has them for more time at weekends now than he would under the new proposal.

Original poster
regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:20

He wants to cut the time at the wkends. So instead of dropping back at 5 on a Saturday 3 then the following one dropping back at 9 on a Sunday instead of 12

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 14:26

I’d be suggesting that his EOW Saturdays should be overnight and ds should return home in the afternoon.the next day.

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 14:27

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:20

He wants to cut the time at the wkends. So instead of dropping back at 5 on a Saturday 3 then the following one dropping back at 9 on a Sunday instead of 12

So he's offering a "swap" of time in the week (mornings) for time at the weekends. Presumably so that his hours stay the same for maintenance purposes?

I think you could point out that he's manipulating it for financial reasons, but still, isn't that better for you - you get more weekend time and less of the drudgery time?

Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 14:28

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:20

He wants to cut the time at the wkends. So instead of dropping back at 5 on a Saturday 3 then the following one dropping back at 9 on a Sunday instead of 12

What is your issue with that?

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 14:30

Court won’t make your ex have ds more than he proposes. If he said no weekend contact then court would go along with that because it’s not possible or ethical to force contact.

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 14:31

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 14:27

So he's offering a "swap" of time in the week (mornings) for time at the weekends. Presumably so that his hours stay the same for maintenance purposes?

I think you could point out that he's manipulating it for financial reasons, but still, isn't that better for you - you get more weekend time and less of the drudgery time?

Show quote history

Maintenance is based on overnights not hours together during the day.

Original poster
regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:36

He said on the Sundays he needs to give his mum respite for his dad who is sick which isn’t my problem. and wants them dropped back earlier on the Saturday as it’s his only day off . I would rather he keep it the way it is on the wkends so I too can have a life . He doesn’t pay any maintenance

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 14:37

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:36

He said on the Sundays he needs to give his mum respite for his dad who is sick which isn’t my problem. and wants them dropped back earlier on the Saturday as it’s his only day off . I would rather he keep it the way it is on the wkends so I too can have a life . He doesn’t pay any maintenance

No court is going to force him to have his child OP, in fact he could say he’s never going to have him for a single hour ever again and there is nothing you or any court would do to force him.

Velmy · 07/08/2025 14:38

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:36

He said on the Sundays he needs to give his mum respite for his dad who is sick which isn’t my problem. and wants them dropped back earlier on the Saturday as it’s his only day off . I would rather he keep it the way it is on the wkends so I too can have a life . He doesn’t pay any maintenance

It's his problem though. What do you suggest he does with his dad? Just not help him?

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 14:39

Oh. So this is about you both wanting less time with DC? 😪

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 07/08/2025 14:40

Gosh your poor child, unwanted by both parents.

Noname973 · 07/08/2025 14:42

Can you move to every other weekend?

Original poster
regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:50

my days off are Friday and Sunday I do something nice with my kids every Friday it’s a lot I also have 2 other kids with SEN so those few hours on a Sunday morning are precious to me . To clean house get washing down . My other 2 are in their dads on a Sunday

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 14:59

regal23 · 07/08/2025 14:50

my days off are Friday and Sunday I do something nice with my kids every Friday it’s a lot I also have 2 other kids with SEN so those few hours on a Sunday morning are precious to me . To clean house get washing down . My other 2 are in their dads on a Sunday

Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do, if he doesn’t want to ever have his child then he does not have to and there’s nothing you or any court can do.

Original poster
regal23 · 07/08/2025 15:08

can I refuse the mon tues and wed nights

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 15:10

regal23 · 07/08/2025 15:08

can I refuse the mon tues and wed nights

For what reason?

Mrsttcno1 · 07/08/2025 15:10

He’s not asking for anything unreasonable here OP

Snorlaxo · 07/08/2025 15:10

Reality is that he would get what he wanted. He could say that he wanted ds once a year and court would be fine with that.
Do you think he’d go for Friday night every other week?

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/08/2025 15:16

So you don't want him having the DC overnight in the week anymore?

Id push back on the 9am Sunday return as you'll never have a chance to stay away from home (or have anyone stay over) as there will be a rush to get home/have them gone next morning.

CherryAlmondLattice · 07/08/2025 15:16

He's made reasonable suggestions, so I can't see the courts objecting. Particularly if he is caring for an older relative.