I need to leave my husband. We need to separate. We have 3 kids 13 10 and 7. The worst ages for the us but I cannot stay here anymore.
We got together young... I absolutely adored him, was obsessed. He's very charismatic.. has ended up being a high earner but also being very controlling financially and in general. I work but also have to be a trad wife. There is sexual abuse recent history (sleep stuff, I don't want to detail here now). I have recently come off long term antidepressants and it has opened my eyes to my need for emotional connection - the kids provide this but he does the exact opposite.
Anyway.
How do I even start? We don't talk - I'm too scared of him. Counselling seems pointless but is it an important step for both of us to move to the next stage? I see no way back. He probably, in fact almost definitely does, but only because he is used to having a full time maid housekeeper and nanny. He hates me far more than he loves me. He would be scared of the change. I'm not. I can't prioritise him and my in laws any more, it's been 22 years together, 15 married and the abuse and the realisation... the growing up that I have done - I need to be away from him.
The damage to the kids and their expectations of relationships is what stops me from just walking away.
Please help. I may have drunk a few gins.