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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Need help, husband wants me and our 3 kids out

48 replies

3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 00:55

My husband is a binge drinker, often verbally abusive when drinking. We work together. Now wants me and our 3 kids out the house. We have an 19 yr old boy and 13 yr old and 8 yr old girls. We own a house joint mortgage, but no equity. Joint debts of £20, 000. And obviously if we divorced I would have no job, no car etc. In debt with no way to pay it. No income. No home or deposit for rent. He would fight all the way to keep the house for himself and everything in it. I'd have no cash for a lawyer to force a sale... Not that it would achieve much since it has no equity.... Stuck.... I'm stuck and he wants us out... He says we are over... No family help... What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 00:58

Also, no savings, no pension.... No nothing

OP posts:
boux · 14/10/2018 01:00

On the flip side it doesn't sound like you have anything to lose. But you will be rid of your alcoholic, abusive husband.

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:08

Thanks, I have a lovely house to give up though, and a car that I need for work... Not that I could work there anymore, and money for the kids to have what they want and after school activities... They wouldn't have a pot to piss in if I moved out with them and would they resent me for it? They would have to give up football, dance, nice clothes any activities or days out at weekends or with their friends. I have no money to pay a rent deposit either... So homeless accommodation?

OP posts:
ButtonMoonLoon · 14/10/2018 01:09

Do NOT leave your home, whatever he says.

bevelino · 14/10/2018 01:13

He should leave, not you and the children.

yorkshireyummymummy · 14/10/2018 01:14

Why should you and the kids leave the family home?
Cheaper for a one b3droomed flat for h8m.
Tell him you will help him pack .
Do NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.
Go to CAB/solicitors and get some legal advice.

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:16

I told him I wasn't leaving, he says he wants me out now and has locked me out before. He's gone out now but says if we are not gone by tomorrow he will make my life hell until we go.

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 14/10/2018 01:16

Do all you can to hang on to your home, take some legal advice and look for another job.

I really hope all goes well. Your husband is being unreasonable, you have two school age children and one only just out of school, you should all stay there and him go.

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:17

He won't leave, he would never leave. He's not that type of man.

OP posts:
moredoll · 14/10/2018 01:19

Don't leave the house. The onus is on him to move out. You should be able to get free legal advice somewhere. CAB as pp suggested or Women's Aid may be able to advise.

moredoll · 14/10/2018 01:22

Sorry, xpost. If he's threatening to physically throw you out I'd phone the police on101, or even 999 if it kicks off

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:24

Call the NCDV first thing tomorrow and they will arrange for an Occupational Order to be granted without your husband present. This will have him removed from the house for 30 days.

Also, you are entitled to Legal Aid under the Domestic Abuse Gateway. NCDV will explain

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:26

Meanwhile, if you call 101 right now, tell them your husband is being abusive the police will come and physically remove him!

moredoll · 14/10/2018 01:27

Women's aid have a 24 hour emergency number 0808 247 2000. In your position I'd give them a call now and see if they can advise.

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:29

Thanks, I did try to email cab but they said my circumstances meant I would need to come in for an appt and speak to someone and wouldn't get an appt time but would have to get a ticket with a time to come back which would mean waiting there all day, taking a day off work which would look suspicious plus the cab office is nowhere near me. I will try and phone though.

OP posts:
Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:29

Then you can change the locks once he's gone. Or just change them whilst he's out. Personally though I'd be calling the police RIGHT NOW

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:32

Sod the CAB, you need to take action fast. If you're out of the house long enough, he may well change the locks

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:38

If I changed the locks he'd just kick the door in, as his name is on the mortgage I don't think legally I can make him move out.

OP posts:
Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:40

I couldn't afford the mortgage with no job either... So couldn't make him move out as he pays it.... I do pay more than him though for the kids and bills.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/10/2018 01:47

Call the police right now, before he comes back. Explain exactly what he has said, they will remove him and if (when) he kicks off, arrest him. Make sure you give a statement so he is charged and bailed to stay away from the house, that will give you atleast a few days to sort out what you are going to do.

It will also mean that you will get legal aid in order to either get a mesher order on the house (meaning you dont have to leave) or to force a sale.

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:49

@3k2catsandme You are entitled to get an Occupational Order! Doesn't matter if he too owns the house or not! The NCDV will arrange it under the Domestic Abuse Gateway. Free!

Meanwhile PLEASE call the Police NOW and they CAN & WILL remove him!!!! Doesn't matter who owns what x

Powerless · 14/10/2018 01:50

The occupational order would give you 30 days to sort something out!

AutumnEvenings · 14/10/2018 01:53

Do not leave your home and phone the Police if he is abusive.

Original poster
3k2catsandme · 14/10/2018 01:59

Thank you, I didn't know about the occupational order. I don't want to phone the police at the moment as all he's said it that it's over and he wants us out tomorrow and we will get nothing etc, it's not really a police matter I don't think. I'd rather get my ducks in a row first. I'm scared for my kids, for them going without, if it was just me I'd have gone years ago.

OP posts:
Nofilter · 14/10/2018 01:59

OP you have to accept that things are going to change here for a while to be able to get away from this abusive torture for you and your children.

A change in lifestyle for a while will be worth the freedom for you all. Please please prioritise safety over finances. I know it's easy for someone else to say but once your circumstances changed you would be entitled to help that is what the government is there for in times of emergencies.

Good luck OP x