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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Positive stories of reconciliation after separation

33 replies

Kaybelle87 · 09/04/2018 17:50

Hi,

I'm just looking for positive stories of couples getting back together after separation or divorce.

Would love to hear your tales of love lost and then rediscovered.

My husband and I have had a very tough 2 years and he wants his space. Which I understand. We have been together 14 years and have a gorgeous 7 year old daughter. He says he needs his space and that he still loves me very much just that love has changed in the last 2 years with all our struggles.
We are still amazing friends.
This all happened 4 weeks ago.

I know there is something worth saving, just don't know how to go about it.
How do you win your husband back?
What's the best way to reconnect. When he wants space.

OP posts:
Highhorse1981 · 09/04/2018 17:52

When the woman has instigated, yes

When the man has instigated, no. Because always been another woman I’m sorry to say

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 09/04/2018 18:00

There's nothing you can do until he reaches a decision about what he wants. Don't pressure him to commit or you'll end heartbroken again further down the line when he blames you for forcing him to recommit.

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 09/04/2018 18:00

I get what you're saying, the thing is I believe he is running from a very stressful situation. He has always been the type to bury his head in the sand or run. After the last 2 years I just think his head is fit to explode. He has had to deal with a lot. I'm bipolar and went manic then was placed on lithium which made me a zombie. He didn't ever go out anywhere or see anyone as he was scared of what I would do. I'm better now, off the lithium and really stable, but that's only been in the last few weeks. I'm like a human again and even he has commented on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 09/04/2018 18:02

Thanks jamielannistersgoldenhand, I'll have to play the waiting game. X

OP posts:
jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 09/04/2018 18:05

Then it's even more important that he puts himself first for a change. It takes time to get a clear head then unravel things. If he's the type to put his head in the sand then it will take much longer.

Keep working on your mental health and don't pressure him. It's excruciating but necessary for both of you.

Rudgie47 · 09/04/2018 18:09

My neighbours, they got divorced, then got back together and remarried after 20 years or so. She told me that the kids said it would be a good idea for them to get back together so they did. She also said that he had changed a lot over the 20 years for the better and was a better listener now and more prepared to compromise.

WheelyCote · 09/04/2018 18:15

You know when your overwhelmed and can't think straight because your thoughts think one way and then do a full uturn and then back again.

Space helps with that because eventually you get your head together.

Not saying it's the same thing.....maybe that's what he means when says 'he needs space' to figure out where his head is at.

Give him space. Use the space yourself to let your thoughts settle. You said it's been rough for you both.

Xx

PhonixK · 09/04/2018 21:19

There's not always another woman. Honestly I get some women have been betrayed by their husband but some people really do just need space or they really have just fallen out of love. There doesn't have to be someone else.

I'm in a similar situation. I'm only contacting about the children now and I'm not showing him I'm sad or anything. He sees the happy me and sees me and the kids having a great time without him

All I can say is let him have his space. Don't badger him about what is happening and concentrate on you and your dd. If he wants to come back he will. Good luck

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 10/04/2018 08:51

Hey PhoenixK. Thanks for the reply. Have you had any progress? I'm doing the same, I'm being happy when I see him. I'm currently trying not to txt. It's so difficult. X

OP posts:
PhonixK · 10/04/2018 10:10

No not really. Everything seems to be going so fast like today we have an appointment at the bank to take him off the joint account.

He's so stubborn he sets his mind to something and that's it. There's no changing it really, I'm hoping though because it's his family he might see sense but we will see x

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 10/04/2018 10:28

Fingers crossed for you. We did all that already. Weirdly he txt me last night to say night night and sleep well. Then was round this morning before he went to work for a cuppa and to do his hair as his gel is here. He only lives down the road.

OP posts:
MillieMoon94 · 10/04/2018 10:45

A similar thing happened to my parents a few years ago, my mum suffers with depression and anxiety and ended up having pretty much a complete breakdown, irrational thoughts that my dad didn’t love her enough or she didn’t love him enough (they are the most in love couple I’ve ever seen ordinarily, living and working together, think Tom and Barbara in The Good Life). He couldn’t deal with it, there were furious rows which made her worse and in the end she moved back in with her parents. They stopped speaking and dad told me and my siblings it was over.
I honestly don’t know how but gradually they started talking again, I think my dad realised he still loved mum the person and needed to help her through the illness. Talking calmly made things easier on both of them, mum was put on a combination of tablets that improved her condition and eventually she moved back into the family home. That was around 5 years ago and they are now stronger than ever. Mum still has the occasional bad day but they have learnt to listen and consider each other.
A similar thing happened between me and my own boyfriend, I struggled with PND after the birth of our son, we had only been together 8 weeks when I found I was pregnant and I was only 19 so the whole thing was quite a shock to my system. I also ended up moving back in with my parents while my boyfriend raised DS, and he did eventually end it as the situation was just too stressful for him to deal with. After hitting rock bottom I started councilling and my boyfriend and I started ‘dating’ again and getting to know each other. We are now all living together again, my boyfriend and I are engaged, DS is almost 4 and the love of my life, and we had a DD in December (planned).
There can be a positive outcome. Sending love and hugs OP, I hope everything works out well for you xx

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 10/04/2018 12:22

Thanks milliemoon94. I have just seen his Nan for a cuppa and she said he told her he just needs to get things straight in his mind etc. Thank you for sharing your story I really appreciate it. X

OP posts:
PhonixK · 10/04/2018 12:44

He came round after the bank and we got talking about when he will see the kids. He wasn't happy with what I suggested but I can't have him coming round every day.

Anyway we got on to the topic of us and I asked stupidly why we couldn't just work on us living seperate still and he said the past week has made him see he really has made the right choice so I called him a cunt and he left 🙈.

Think I'm going to have to rein in the anger ffs haha

MillieMoon94 · 10/04/2018 16:44

@Kaybelle87
No problem, I hope it was of some help xx

outabout · 10/04/2018 16:57

Thank you for those saying it is possible. I would like to think it would be for my Ex (and DC) and me but as Ex and DC have gone 'Non Communicate' it feels a bit remote. Fortunately I am happy in myself but having Ex around to help with some decisions (doesn't even need to do the work) and for days out would be good.

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 10/04/2018 19:22

Okay ladies, so the weirdest but most amazing thing just happened........

Hubby came around for a quick cuppa before he goes to see his mum. We sat down and he says 'I want to talk to you about something' obviously my heart dropped and immediately went to the negative, after him asking for a separation a month ago.

Consequently.................... he says that he made a mistake and was a bit harsh and hasty in asking for a separation. He said that he has really enjoyed seeing me so present and normal after coming off my lithium. He has really enjoyed my company.

He said that he still needs his space and his lease on his new place is for a year anyway, to be fair who wouldn't need their space after the last 2 years. So he is going to continue living 3 minutes away. But he won't be seeing anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. He wants to continue enjoying my company and seeing DD and I frequently. He hopes for our love to grow once more in the next year and for us to get back to where we were prior to me being on lithium etc.

I am so pleased right now. I had to pinch myself to see it was real.

There is hope after all.

OP posts:
PhonixK · 10/04/2018 19:26

That's amazing I'm so happy for you.

I would love for this to happen to me. However I personally would have to put a guard up slightly at the beginning.

Wish you all the happiness x

MillieMoon94 · 10/04/2018 19:33

Fantastic news OP! So so happy for you! Xxxx

outabout · 10/04/2018 20:07

@Kaybelle87
Really hope it goes well for you all.

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 10/04/2018 21:07

Thanks guys. I'll keep you updated. X

OP posts:
PhonixK · 12/04/2018 12:16

Hi kaybelle. Been thinking of you and wondering how everything has been?

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 12/04/2018 19:52

@PhonixK Hi, it's going okay thanks. He came over yesterday afternoon and stayed for Dinner, we did the deed twice lol. I was expecting him to go home but he asked to stay over, when i woke up he pulled me close and tucked me under his arm for a cuddle.
He went to work today and came back here for dinner and he has just gone to his flat now.
I understand he still needs his space and he is staying at his flat for the next year, but I am so glad that we are working on things, we both hope that after this year we will be even stronger than before.
To be honest it's kind of exciting and feels like we are seeing each other lol, I feel like I'm 17 again.
We have booked a long weekend away at the end of May!! I can't wait!!
How are you? Xx

OP posts:
PhonixK · 12/04/2018 19:55

I'm so happy for you! I'm ok trying to keep myself busy. He came over to pick the kids up for dinner and told me his granda is really ill. My 12 year old told me he was asking about me at dinner seeing how I was getting on and stuff. Annoyed me a bit because he should be asking me and not really involving her in a way. I want him to see sense but I don't know.

I'm really over the moon for you though xx

Original poster
Kaybelle87 · 12/04/2018 20:19

@PhonixK you are doing so well though and staying so strong.

I was staying positive, but I never dreamed hubby would do a U turn this quickly. Here is still time for you to. Just let the dust settle.

That is what hubby said to me, once he was in the flat he could see things clearly and put things into perspective which he couldn't before. He had thinking room. He also said how much I had changed since coming off my lithium and how he loved how confident I was, and that I was an even better version than I was before, which in turn changed his feelings towards me.

Sometimes it takes time and space to realise what matters. I do think that being confident and showing them what they are missing makes a massive difference.

Xx

OP posts:
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