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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I have a bank account that stbx doesn't know about.

42 replies

Cambionome · 09/10/2017 21:59

I opened a bank account about 18 months ago, which I kept hidden from my stbx. Reason being he is very controlling about money, and I earn a very low salary. I followed mumsnet advice by getting little bits of cash back; selling (my stuff) on Ebay; banking any birthday money given to me by my family, etc.
I've ended up with just over £2,000. I did it really because I was worried that when we finally split (it's been on the cards for a long time) I would be left with nothing until the divorce settlement was finalised.
We have now separated and I've instructed a solicitor. I see that I'm supposed to disclose all bank accounts - I know that stbx will think that I've been stealing from the joint account as regards the cash back... do I really need to disclose an account with such small amount of money?
Thanks - all advice welcomed!

OP posts:
wineandworkout · 09/10/2017 22:02

I don't know. Commenting to keep the thread active. Would putting the account in the name of a trusted relative or friend be an option?

ChristinaParsons · 09/10/2017 22:04

You will have to declare all your bank accounts

cheesypastatonight · 09/10/2017 22:07

What about children's bank accounts? Do you have to declare those?

If he doesn't know about it, don't tell him. You'll need it.

Original poster
Cambionome · 09/10/2017 22:11

I won't tell stbx directly, cheesy, but I assume he will hear about it if I disclose it to my solicitor?

OP posts:
littlechou · 09/10/2017 22:23

Watching with interest...

littlechou · 09/10/2017 22:27

Could you withdraw the money, give it to a trusted friend/relative and then close the account?

Original poster
Cambionome · 09/10/2017 23:07

That's what I've been thinking of doing, littlechou. I might give it to my brother and close the account down... just not sure if I'm worrying unnecessarily!

OP posts:
thenightsky · 09/10/2017 23:09

I'd take it out as cash and stash it with a trust friend or relative.

WitchesHatRim · 09/10/2017 23:12

You have to declare all bank accounts and provide statements.

Don't hide it or give it to a relative.

If you do, don't then complain if he does the same.

pinkhorse · 09/10/2017 23:15

You have to declare it. Do NOT hide it or pass to anyone else. It'd get you into trouble

Kipi · 09/10/2017 23:20

I didn’t need to do full financial disclosure because our divorce didn’t end up being thrashed out in court. We went to mediation and came to an agreeable settlement, through solicitors in the end but still amicably.
If I’d have wanted a bigger settlement and he didn’t agree and contested it, a judge would need to see full financial reporting, including all bank accounts, debts, income and 12 months of bank statements.
It would/could have made the divorce up to ten thousand more expensive!

Kipi · 09/10/2017 23:24

It’s in both your best interests to do it amicably, believe me!
It’s around £1000 for a basic amicable divorce. I ended up spending around £2000.
There are several stages at which you get to if you can’t agree. I think my solicitor said the next stage would have been £7500 in costs then around £14,000 then up to £30,000 for the full hoopla with judges and wigs and such.

Original poster
Cambionome · 09/10/2017 23:29

That's interesting, Kipi, that you didn't have to do a full financial disclosure. I've only just started this process but my solicitor has asked me already for details of all bank accounts.

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 09/10/2017 23:29

I'd be drawing it out, closing the account and having my brother keep it safe.

ChristinaParsons · 09/10/2017 23:32

I've spent 5k so far. I even have a copy of a bank statement from the account he hasn't yet admits he has. 17k every 28 days goes in there. I get £172 per calendar month for child maintenance on his tax returns. Someone has a good accountant! Don't try and hide things, once you get to court you look bad. Whatever your reasoning was

Kipi · 09/10/2017 23:38

I had to do a form that the solicitor gave me but it was never ‘checked out’ and it was not really used. Just as a prop really to show what I had and what I’d need for the children. None of it was formally checked.
Does it ask for your prediction of spending for the next 12 months? It’s just so your solicitor can gain a good feeling for what they can get you/what you have/what he has.

KarmaNoMore · 09/10/2017 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristinaParsons · 09/10/2017 23:42

Form E is a legally binding document. Your solicitor is not "checking out " how much they can sting the other side for

Fishface77 · 09/10/2017 23:46

Fuck that shit. Take it out give it to your brother. Leave £50 in there.

Kipi · 09/10/2017 23:52

But I’m saying mine was never used, we compared them on the table in the mediation session and that’s all it was used for. We came to an agreement on what was fair. The solicitor prepared the financial paperwork on what maintenance and assets were to come to me and we signed.
If they don’t agree and it gets contested, the form will be used and fully checked. And you need at least 12m of bank statements showing all transactions on the accounts so it’ll be apparent if there’s a couple of grand gone walkies if she withdraws it in cash to hide.
I’m just pointing out to the op how not to get stung for thousands in fees as it’ll only come out of what you’re fighting for in the first place.

Alibobbob · 09/10/2017 23:58

As PP said you will have to declare all bank accounts regardless of how much money is in them. I would suggest you withdraw the money and close the account. I am going through this at the moment x

freelancedolly · 09/10/2017 23:58

Kipi there are no wigs, no matter how far into the court process you go.

Wishing for an amicable divorce is all well and good but I imagine there is a very good reason that the OP has been squirrelling away her low income. I love the way people who were fortuitous enough to have an easy divorce of their own tell other people to do the same - were that it that simple! It takes too reasonable people to have a straightforward divorce.

OP - my advice is to hide nothing and be open and honest. Nobody, fit a very long time, is going to make you “hand over” half of a bank account. My ex husband had several sums of £30k+ being deposited into his and he was never made to give me any by the time we divorced because it was all gone.

Be honest, hide nothing, don’t be frightened - you’ve done nothing wrong to have this money and most solicitors will view it as a sign of desperation that you felt you needed to do it in the first place.

Fishface77 · 09/10/2017 23:59

Ah ok. I spoke as the friend of someone who declared everything and whose ex squirrels away assets. She lost so much and he got away with it. I would take legal advice.
What if op was to pay solicitors fees with that so she could account for it and they held it as credit against her account? Or was to buy gifts for people as it's nearly Christmas?

Original poster
Cambionome · 10/10/2017 00:09

Thanks for all the advice - I need to think this through carefully.
Just to clarify - I'm not so worried about losing this small amount of money (although it would come in very useful) more worried about him get nasty if he thinks I've been taking money from the joint account.

OP posts:
Kipi · 10/10/2017 00:16

My divorce (from my financially controlling xh) was only amicable because I didn’t go for everything. I came away with a hell of a lot less than I could have. But it was worth it to be able to salvage a semi-relationship with him & his family (the only supportive family my kids have)
The basics is all I wanted, the stuff on top isn’t as important as a healthy environment for the kids.

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