I have a bank account that stbx doesn't know about.

[Cambionome]

I opened a bank account about 18 months ago, which I kept hidden from my stbx. Reason being he is very controlling about money, and I earn a very low salary. I followed mumsnet advice by getting little bits of cash back; selling (my stuff) on Ebay; banking any birthday money given to me by my family, etc.
I've ended up with just over £2,000. I did it really because I was worried that when we finally split (it's been on the cards for a long time) I would be left with nothing until the divorce settlement was finalised.
We have now separated and I've instructed a solicitor. I see that I'm supposed to disclose all bank accounts - I know that stbx will think that I've been stealing from the joint account as regards the cash back... do I really need to disclose an account with such small amount of money?
Thanks - all advice welcomed!

[Sistersofmercy101]

cam fwiw - I don't think that you've done anything wrong at all and therefore you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about this by him! The money came from the joint account therefore it was always yours as much as it was his surely? I'm sure you don't / didn't make him bleed over every penny he took from the joint account? It's not like you took it from HIS PERSONAL account - that's stealing, not what you have done at all. Good luck 🍀

[Cambionome]

Thanks Sisters - I appreciate your comments.

[WitchesHatRim]

The money came from the joint account therefore it was always yours as much as it was his surely?

The issue is transparency and lying on legally binding paperwork.

[reallyanotherone]

Talk to your solicitor and ask them for advice.

Dh’s ex did it by “spending” the money, remortgaging, withdrawals, holidays. But she was not in a financially abusive relationship and had been moving the money around for a year- usually with dh’s knowledge as he didn’t know she was having an affair.

I wouldn’t do anything sneaky. Like i said, ask your solicitor what would happen to it- bearing in mind it was your exit plan for an abusive relationship. If you need the money for deposits, solicitors, new phone etc then spend it.

[Myheartbelongsto]

I'd declare it myself.

The advice on here when separating is to get copies of everything.

My integrity means everything to me.

[rightsofwomen]

You have to declare all assets. For the past 6 or 12 months - otherwise people would be closing accounts willy nilly.
Statements will show where the money came from.
You can ask an account to be ring fenced and not included in the settlement. I did that for an account which was inheritance from my parents used to pay DS1s 6th form fees.

[ferriswheel]

You have to tell your solicitor everything.

[CaptainM]

As someone who's recently come out of a 3-day final hearing, my advice is to be as open and transparent as you can. Your credibility is everything, and you may well be asked questions about transfers out of your other joint accounts and to provide information about the destination of said funds. Fortunately I could explain everything. Ex on the other hand, really struggled because he'd tried to play the system. Good luck!

[FabulousUsername]

The advice when dealing with a financially abusive man is to squirrel away money for an emergency leaving fund. Could you share this information with your solicitor? Could you get some advice from Women's Aid re: whether/how to declare it? I understand your guilty feelings, you were doing it for the right reasons but it's a bit tricky to predict how angry he'll be if he finds out. If you'd had to leave in a hurry or he'd left you high and dry it would have been a lifeline.

[LesLavandes]

Do NOT hide money. You will get caught. You must declare this account in your financial disclosure. Use the money on legal bills

[WitchesHatRim]

The advice when dealing with a financially abusive man is to squirrel away money for an emergency leaving fund. Could you share this information with your solicitor?

It maybe advice given.

It doesn't mean it's legally correct.

In divorce ALL finances have to be declared not just the bits you feel like declaring.

[FabulousUsername]

Agreed. Declare the money (if you don't it will give you tremendous stress which you don't need or deserve) but hopefully you can document the fact that you were eBay-ing, etc, to create a backup fund because you were scared of him, to explain the 'secret' account? I'm not sure if this is relevant and your solicitor will know best, but if you're still living together, are you scared of his reaction? If it's that bad, do call Women's Aid for advice as abuse can escalate when you're leaving a relationship and that includes financial abuse. But following all disclosure advice (and retaining the moral high ground) is the only way to go, it is a legal process and you have to be totally honest.

I remember pangs of fear my STBX used to cause asking me what I'd been spending all 'his' money on...all bluffing but just to remind me he could 'turn off the money tap' as he called it at any point. We've separated now, divorcing, and I'm so much happier. But the worry is still there in the background!

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

Don't hide it.You could pay your solicitors in advance which is not a bad idea or just use it as you were going to.If you pay your solicitor then do this before you get the bank statement copies.
When I left my bank statements showed a lot of spending as we left with nothing,all I had to do was highlight spending used to furnish a house,from teaspoons to beds.

I wouldn't worry ,its not a large amount in the grand scheme of things.When you next see your solicitor tell them what your fears about his reaction are.
Keep strong and good luck.

[Anatidae]

Declare it.
Let him get nasty
Tell him, in writing, that this money is not from the joint account, it’s money you made and ringfenced because of his financial control tendencies and because you were terrified of him
Only communication via email
Keep paper trail.
Make it very clear to the solicitor why you have this account.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

"Did your solicitor ask for a deposit? Pay in advance woman."

Thats really good advice I think.



As for your ex getting nasty about money surely thats why you're divorcing him in the first place? Just ignore it.

[worridmum]

Btw hidding assests really annoys judges i had a case were a women had an account with 30k in it did not disclose it got found out so judge ruled 50/50 after 30k of assits had been given to stbex and she had to pay all costs aka both sides legal expenses.

So he was going to rule 60/40 in her favour but her greed and dishonesty caused her to come off far worse.