Things we don't understand... and probably shouldn't

[UnquietDad]

I'll kick of with

"getting your colours done".

eugh, don't get the not showering thing at all. I have one every day, and sometimes at night too.

Apparently, there are always more pressing things to do... like watching the discovery channel. Am obviously just unlucky in this respect

"Puce", "Mauve", "Teal" and "taupe".

Men don't know what these are. They sound like varieties of couscous.

Childbirth. You will never experience it so don't pretend to understand.

Female hormones.

Why we get frustrated at you for not TELLING us what's the matter... and then being upset because you get angry because we make the wrong assumption!!

A man will have colours that are flattering to him and colours that make him look like a dog-turd with red-eye. I thought metrosexuals had embraced this fact?

another honorary bloke here, perhaps ...

Why do women (eg my bf) insist on taking their dh clothes shopping with them? She doesn't need him to pay, he hates it, they always argue. I have tried to get a convincing answer from her, but she just says, 'well, I want him to like it ...'

DH's wishes to contribute:

"I'm going out next week.. I need a new outfit.. I'm going out the week after.. I need another new outfit..."

"Does my bum look big?" You KNOW you don't want to hear the "wrong" answer so why ask at all?

Women. I just don't understand women. At all. (That's DH.. on his second wife (me))

Omg, yes, outfits!!!

W: I went shopping for shoes.
M: What did you buy?
W: A handbag.
M: Huh? But you went for shoes?
W: Yes. But I'm going back tomorrow.
M: For shoes?
W: No, for some trousers to go with the handbag. That way I'll be able to wear all these other things I have with the handbag too.
M: ... but you still need shoes?
W: Yes. To go with tomorrow's new trousers.

It's like some sort of mad mobius strip logic.

TheHerdNerd, then a week later that same handbag is slung in a corner, never to be used again as it's too small, ugly, doesnt go with new shoes/ trousers / hair / weather.

What you all need to understand is that whatever goes wrong it is ALL YOUR FAULT

lol mollymawk. Have to feel sorry for my dh - can't do anything right sometimes

Why my DW feels the need to have a two hour phone conversation with someone who lives four doors up, and who she is seeing later that evening anyway.

Why outfits are determined by the shoes and not the other way round.

Why she seems to have nothing to wear but the wardrobe is about 95% heaving with her clothes.

Why they never throw anything away even if they have never un-packed it from the last house move five years ago.

Why they can't comprehend how beautiful a naked breast is. Or a slightly covered one. Or a fully covered one. Just any really.

"Why outfits are determined by the shoes and not the other way round."

I have a theory about this.... I think it is because one can only walk in about 50% of the shoes, so it has to be very carefully calibrated to match the exact amount of walking/dancing etc that is anticipated.

I would say mine can't walk in about 80% of her shoes.

This is WAY beyond my comprehension.

If i suggest that she wears them round the house or out and about to wear them in, i get this incredulous look from her that looks like she has just seen me crawl out from under a rock and spat in her face.

(she also says "alcohol numbs the pain anyway" - this was an epiphany for me - now i understood why there were so many drunken slappers falling around town all night - they are all wearing new shoes)

In fact - whilst we are on the subject of shoes - are 'Kurt Geiger' shoes expensive?

She tells me they're not - but i have heard some of the comments from her friends and i think she may be telling me porkies.

Men need to understand this. Women do not want men (or anyone else) to find solutions to problems. We just want you to hear us out. Practical solutions are grrrrr.

Yep - i understand that one swedes.

Men find solutions and women are good at or want empathy.

That's something that will never change really.

Here's a solution to when you are feeling like that............................

(Only joking)

"Women want empathy and men want solutions" is just female spin.

What it actually means is that women don't want to solve the problem. They have far too much fun talking about it and bustling about being empathetic. Actually solving it would defeat the purpose.

Us men want to solve the problem so that we can back to admiring boobs.

Yes Frau, I am as mystified by handbags as you. I have a black patent leather one with a nice long strap that I have had around 10 years. I've only just started using it regularly at all. But lots of women spend literally hundreds of pounds on handbags and they claim it's an investment, like they don't know that it'll be totally unfashionable in a year or two anyway. I must be missing something.

Handbags are a nuisance. Rucksacks all the way for me too. DH even suggested I get a special white one for our wedding.