Did anyone grow up poor in Ireland?

[Mooshamoo]

I grew up in the 90s in Ireland. We were poor. My dad left us and wouldn't pay maintenance so we were a single parent family.

Going to school and college and then work, I seem to have been surrounded by people who grew up in a lot of wealth in Ireland. They all had parents who were doctors/teachers/accountants/CEOs.

I'm going to a book club now. People are talking about their dads who all seem to have been bankers/ CEOs/ very high achievers.

I just feel a bit embarassed of my background and don't know what to say. Like is someone is going on about their dad being an investment analyst and their sister being a director, I don't know how to say well my dad fecked off and we grew up dirt poor. I just feel embarrassed about it. I know it wasn't my fault I was poor, but I don't know how to talk about it.

Did anyone else here grow up poor in Ireland? How do you talk about it now to people?

I didn’t grow up poor in Ireland but poor in inner London in the 60/70’s with Irish parents. I am aware how hard life in rural Ireland can be - they’re both from there. They worked hard, we, their children worked hard and now their grand children are all at universities or colleges - each generation has had a slightly better lifestyle, because they worked hard.
life hasn’t always been a bed of roses, I’m a single Mum but I never let anyone judge me for it.
Don’t worry about your background, be proud of your Mum for raising you all and of yourself for getting to where you are - that’s what matters, you can’t change the past but can make the most of the future.
Nobody can judge you but yourself, enjoy your book club and all that you do!
And for all my siblings and our children our favourite holidays are going back to see our relatives in rural Ireland, there’s no denying it’s beauty.

Be proud of who you are and what you have achieved. We had enough to eat and a house but had many friends whose parents looked down on me as my dad a manual worker and their parents were solicitors and went to golf club etc. Horrible how some of the parents were and my parents also broke up and alcohol involved so always felt that shame. Only got rid of it when I moved to London but since moved back home people do judge you but feck them all I hold my head high as should not be judged by others. Slainte xx

I find it a bit odd that adults are talking about their parents jobs etc. Ireland can be snobby though.

I grew up poor there in the 60s/70s. Adopted from a Catholic home for unmarried mothers to boot, apparently my uncles asked my dad why he was raising someone else’s bastard! There was very little money but we always had food, my mum was a good plain cook and baked, we had a (rented) roof over our heads even if everywhere except the living room was bloody freezing. Lots of love though and most of my friends came from similar homes with low earning parents so I didn’t feel different. I put myself through University and like many people of that era left Ireland as soon as I could, am now living a life my parents could only have dreamed off and I don’t make friends with people who think your background is in any way important, we are a diverse lot! I think you need some new friends!

Don't be embarrassed at all! You have nothing to be ashamed of, although I do understand feeling awkward if you feel you're the odd one out. Ironically I remember when I started college, the people up from the country were talking about Dublin (northside vs southside) and I was terrified they'd find out I was from the southside and dismiss me as a D4 snob! Suppose nobody wants to be judged on some kind of stereotype. But if someone told me their father left and they grew up poor, I certainly wouldn't think any less of them for it! If anyone does, that says more about them than you.

I find it strange that they were they even talking about what their dads did for a living- was it a discussion about the book that then led to a discussion on careers? Maybe it wasn't intentionally boasty? I can't believe grown adults would be sitting around boasting about how high-flying their parents were?!

(Having said that I do remember going to the Gaeltacht and meeting a girl who asked me what school I was from; I told her, and she asked if it was private. When I said no she asked did my parents not value my education 😂so people never fail to amaze me)

Yep I grew up in the 90s and we were poor, and also my parents were shit with what money they had 🙄 I was embarrassed about it for a long time until I looked back and realised in hindsight that there were other kids in the same/worse boat than me. Now, I just say 'we didn't have much growing up', but I haven't found the need to defend myself about it.

As others have pointe doubt though, it's weird that grown adults are harping on about what their parents do!

I grew up in Ireland, not poor but not well off either. I haven't had the conversations as an adult though, can't imagine how or why I would be discussing my childhood.

You have nothing to be ashamed of OP, your dad leaving was nothing to do with you. Lots of people have similar backgrounds. Why would anyone be interested now that you are an adult?

We spent a year or so in a three roomed 'dwelling' , in the late 50s , Roscommon. No running water- although we had electricity oddly enough. Then lived in a caravan in England at some point before returning to a better home in Ireland.

I don't feel embarrassed about it . But then I lived in London for years as an adult , where people are proud of working class roots. Think you were poor - I'd tell em - you don't know you're born matey! 😂

Extremely poor. Born early 70s, eldest of a large family, semi-literate parents, father spent a lot of time unemployed in the 80s as the recession hit his field hard, so my first lessons were never to ask for anything, because the money wasn’t there, and not to invite a friend home after school because there was no extra to feed them, especially towards pay day. I don’t have glowy memories. It was a deprived upbringing with little to recommend it and not enough food, space or attention to go round.

Education got me out, and it was at university I first met middle-class people. Like most of my cohort, I emigrated straight after graduation and spent 25 years in different parts of the world before returning recently. I would now be perceived to be comfortably middle-class (professional job, big old house in an ‘old money’ area etc) but I make no secret of my background and am amused by some of the more obvious vulgarity of the Tiger years. Also interested to find that the most privileged of my university cohort by and large stayed and entered family firms etc.

Don’t be embarrassed, OP. Who on earth are these people banging on about their fathers’ jobs at a book club? Is the book so dull???

I grew up really poor and was orphaned young-if it wasn’t for a charity I would’ve been homeless. I used to be ashamed of my background when I was at school and never invited anyone home. However, as an adult, I became really proud of what I’d achieved despite my background and started to be open about it. I never found snobbery-on the contrary people were interested and more than once admired my character. I was open with my kids and we joke about it. It was such a weight off to be open about it and now don’t give it a second thought. Incidentally my gm came to the UK from Ireland-never knew her as my dad was orphaned young-but she couldn’t even write. Signed her ‘mark’ with a cross.

It's probably timing as well. Growing up in the 90's meant growing up missing the 80's recession and growing up amid the Celtic tiger where a lot of people had ridiculous wealth.

Grew up poor in the 70s, everyone I knew was poor. It was only when I grew up I realised there was this other Ireland where people were comfortable or wealthy. I have never been embarrassed about it though. In fact I'm extremely proud of getting myself educated to the standard of anyone else.

I grew up in the 90s and am from a middle class background. My brothers and sister still had to emigrate etc to seek work. But my parents and grandparents on both sides were very poor. So most people in Ireland are only a generation or possibly two away from being poor!

Most people are interested in other peoples stories and in themselves as opposed to who their parents are - I certainly am! Don't be afraid to be yourself - it makes your journey all the more impressive too. Your mother must have been very strong, divorce and single parenting even in the 90s was very difficult in Ireland.

Completely agree with all of this. It's very understandable if you feel self conscious if your background differs to the rest of the group, but most people I know wouldn't judge you or your family for it.

I'm from a middle class background, professional dad, SAHM, private school (a cheap one ) but my mum grew up in a council house and while my dad's side was more comfortable financially it wasn't a happy childhood for other reasons.

I wouldn't worry about it Op.
I would guess that those who feel the need to boast about their connections are possibly feeling a bit insecure about their status in the group and hopefully they will calm down.
Some of the people I know from unmoneyed backgrounds in Ireland and elsewhere are the most lovely human beings with great values.

I grew up in the 70s in a middle class family with 5 siblings. We were comfortably well off.
We had a housekeeper and my mother was very busy socially.
My dad owned businesses.
However, we were emotionally deprived.
Never asked how we were, how the school day or party or drama event had gone. We were just not important. My parents never listened to us. If something upset me at school and I tried to tell my mother she would say “they didn’t mean it” or “don’t mind them” and never really listen to the detail.
One reason for this emotional neglect was that there were too many of us. Another was my parent’s unhappy marriage.
Adults were held to be much more important than us kids.
Had they only had two children they may have been better parents.
So, while it was by no means a poor childhood it was definitely lacking.

I grew up in Ireland in the 90's. We weren't dirt poor but not well off either, we had far far less than your average family has today. As an adult no one has ever asked me what my father did or how much I had as a child and I've never heard anyone else being asked either. It's just not something that comes up in most normal situations. Was it discussed in relation to the book you were reading that week?

Well I'm just thinking back on my life in stages. In school, we definitely all knew what each other's parents did. I knew everyone else's parents had a better job than mine. It was quite a wealthy time for a lot of people in Ireland.

At the book club.
No I wasn't asked what my parents did. It just comes up in conversation what other people's families are doing, as people talk about what their family are doing.

So in the book club for example, one of the men might say "my dad is visiting Belgium this week, as he is CEO of an investment firm and he goes over there for work".

It just comes up what people's parents do.

Everyone I work with , I know what their parents and siblings do. (though I don't work in a huge company, it's quite small).

For example a woman in my office will come in and say her dad is going to Holland because he is head of an engineering company, and his company are sending him there to work on projects. I know that her sister is an investment analyst. I know that her other sister is director of a marketing company.

I just always feel less than these people. I just feel like if I said what my background was, they would think less of me.

I'm still poor really I suppose - in as much as I don't own property or even a car. I have modest savings and a full contributory pension as well as a small work pension. But I lack nothing and my children all went to college and have Masters.

There are also different kinds of status apart from the monetary sort. For example, I'm quite widely read and have a lot of general knowledge. Although I never went to University. Or , as my son says , masses of useless information. So when I go to book clubs , comhrá or quizzes I'm not intimidated by teachers , doctors, TDs or whatever.

In short @Mooshamoo don't worry about it for heaven's sake. You are every bit as good as anyone else. People who might think less of you really aren't worth knowing anyway.

I identify with this. You can have a rich life without being rich. My life has and continues to be (mostly) interesting to ME and that's ultimately what matters most. But I do get what you're saying to a degree OP, certainly there are people I know who have that sort of blithe self assurance from being somebodies and coming from somebodies! From being 'in' their whole life. I think book clubs are more likely to have this cohort 😁. Apart from anything else, it involves acting as if your opinion on something matters and deserves to be heard. But you know, everyone has their own set of problems. And some of the people I know who have had a somewhat charmed exiatence are less able to cope with adversity and loss of status, for example. You do you OP, everyone is just getting on with their lives

We weren't well off. My father had a stable, but low-income job in sales. My mother didn't work, but did child-minding for a while when we were older. She was very ambitious for us as she came from a large family who were very poor. We had enough but there were very few treats. I remember arguments about money. You certainly wouldn't ask for anything. I was born in the early seventies and remember the long dole queues during the 1980s. I remember feeling grateful that my dad had a job. I would describe my childhood as happy and sheltered, but disciplined and rather stressful.

My dad had a good well paid job. But he chose to spend it on himself. My mam was v resourceful when it came to food. She had nothing, but she always fed us.

I left Ireland aged 18 and am 50 now. I can honestly say that for the most part.. professions or social status of most of my acquaintances has not really come up.

We are not rich nor were we rich growing up. Both of my parents came from very poor farming backgrounds and had complicated childhoods with not enough time and love to go round, both sides had lots of middle class careers in the next generation. I think a lot has changed in Ireland in the last 50 years but many of us are not very far from poverty.

@ChateauMargaux "........many of us are not very far from poverty"
True.
Very true.
I was very fortunate that I grew up in a comparatively well off home.
But my Dad had come from a poor rural background and my Mum from a small farm background. Both were from big families as was the norm in Catholic Ireland where contraception was almost non existent so what little there was had to be shared amongst many.
Times were tough for them.
Dad worked really hard and luck too played a part, hence us being better off financially than many at the time.
Both have the biggest, generous hearts too, which is lovely.
I think "free" education ( both 2nd and 3rd level ) and the free bus scheme to secondary school in rural Ireland was the biggest contributor to social mobility in Ireland. It has made an enormous difference to society.
👏🏻to Donogh O' Malley and those who pushed for its inception.

Did not grow up in Ireland but was extremely poor.
I'm not embarrassed by it and talk about it, if asked.
I'm proud of how far I've come with such a shocking childhood.

I was born in the 1970s and was from a poorish home. Dad was a small farmer and had businesses that went bust during the oil crisis and was in and out of paid work in the 1980's . Self made- never inherited anything. Had a mortgage on nthe farn and house with crazy interest rates. I had a happpy chilfhood despite a near alcoholic father . We never went on hols et had food not very many treats or extra
Never had friends over etc etc. Now im a professional college educated and i spoil my children. Love going on hols etc etc
.im embarrassed now i was embarrassed by my parents who kept the house and farm through tough times and are v happy now.everyone s childhood is different but I do think there is alot class pressure in Ireland to keep up with the middle classes. So hard i dont know how people are keeping up with rising costs