Did anyone grow up poor in Ireland?

[Mooshamoo]

I grew up in the 90s in Ireland. We were poor. My dad left us and wouldn't pay maintenance so we were a single parent family.

Going to school and college and then work, I seem to have been surrounded by people who grew up in a lot of wealth in Ireland. They all had parents who were doctors/teachers/accountants/CEOs.

I'm going to a book club now. People are talking about their dads who all seem to have been bankers/ CEOs/ very high achievers.

I just feel a bit embarassed of my background and don't know what to say. Like is someone is going on about their dad being an investment analyst and their sister being a director, I don't know how to say well my dad fecked off and we grew up dirt poor. I just feel embarrassed about it. I know it wasn't my fault I was poor, but I don't know how to talk about it.

Did anyone else here grow up poor in Ireland? How do you talk about it now to people?

Well the discussions in your book club will be far more interesting if people are free to be confident in who they are not some fake social persona and you will be able to offer your own perspectives and add to this.

As PP said there are other sorts of riches you can bring - experience, knowledge, humour, insight. people will be interested to know you if you are genuine and show curiosity and interest in them and in
life.

I know it’s sometimes hard not to be intimated though. I am from humble roots and went to meal at someone’s house where all the conversation was about behaviour at boarding school. It’s not quite the same to talk about the local state school somehow so do understand how you feel OP.

Sorry, but the people in your bookclub sound like pretentious prats! I am assuming you are all young if everyone's parents are still working. Maybe they'll grow out of it! I mean, I honestly don't know why anyone would be telling you that their father is in Belgium this week, but even if that came up in conversation, why they would feel the need to explain why he was there, and even more so what his job is! I've just come back from bookclub today and it did come up in conversation that one of the people there had missed the last meeting because she was in Portugal. That's where the conversation on that piece of information stopped. She didn't feel the need to inform us if she had been there for work, pleasure, staying in a hostel, or in a luxury villa, or anything else about the trip. It was just a piece of information and it certainly didn't make me feel inadequate. And so I think you need to find some nicer friends to be honest, but also maybe realise that you are worth more just for yourself. People generally really don't care who your parents were or are.

I grew up very poor in ireland, oldest of a large family. My dad was self employed in a low paying job, my mother was a SAHM. I was born in the mid 70s so I remember the 80s well when a lot of people were poor. We lived on a council estate for most of my childhood. I got a full grant to go to university. I hadn't really realised how poor we were ti I got to college. Nearly everyone was middle class and quite well off.
I definitely felt disadvantaged not having done any extra curricular things like sport or music or even going on holiday. I had to get a job to survive whereas most of the people I knew had plenty of spending money.
Once I was working I helped my parents financiall while lots of people I knew got a free site or a house deposit.
I don't try to hide my background. It's not a crime to have been poor. I'm proud of what I've achieved.
If the people at your bookclub think less of you because of your background then shame on them.

I don’t think I have ever been asked what my parents did in my life! How odd.
I admire people who have come from difficult backgrounds and made something of themselves far more than those from backgrounds where everything was handed to them on a plate. Be proud of your roots! Surviving when you are poor is very tough and your parents were most likely resilient and brave.

I know this is old but what people are embarrassed of is very personal and you are not wrong for feeling this way. I grew up poor in the 90’s, very deprived area of Dublin, all my old friends were pregnant by their teens or early 20’s and getting a degree education seemed unattainable for many. I’m now living in a very affluent area even though I have a low to mid salary, i struggle with how much people can afford, people will just randomly buy a house for a million and think it’s normal. If I bought a house for half that I would feel like an imposter. I have been to therapy and I really recommend CBT for challenging your core beliefs about being poor and having shame.

sending you hugs!

What a group of pretentious twerps! Or are they all socially inadequate and feel they have to brag to big themselves up?
I was born in the 50’s and I honestly don’t think I have ever been asked what my parents did. My parents were working/ middle class I guess, dad was an engineer but also for a while worked in a grocery shop. Mum didn’t work but made money stretch by making/knitting our clothes, cooking everything from scratch, growing vegetables etc. She wanted to work but dad wouldn’t let her 🫤; I think looking back he was pretty controlling.
We had little or no money to spare, rarely had treats or outings other than to their friends.
I don’t ever remember being told that they loved me, no hugs or cuddles, i was a very anxious to please child fearing getting walloped for some minor misdemeanour.

We couldn't afford food. But it was my father's 'lifestyle' choices rather than the country being at fault. So really, i don't know what you want here. If you want personal stories, say so. If you want sob stories, say so. But it's the kind of post that rips a plaster off a wound for lots of people and you need to be mindful of that tbh.

I'm not Irish but from a working class Northern English background and well remember the 'what does your dad do for a living' question from people from upper class families on the first day of uni. That's the most important thing. Along with your accent.

It really sucks. Also they never asked what your mum does?!?!?

We didn’t grow up poor but unusual background of being a huge family but academic parents , like v unusual tbh so although they had good jobs in a university in Ireland there were so many of us.
What I notice is a lot of people here particularly where I live now hugely benefit from land and housing from family even down to having bog. We have no land , houses in our family , won’t have any inheritance etc so I do see lots of Irish people our age benefit hugely in a financial way from this.
I don’t care as we have done it all ourselves , I don’t like it though when others don’t recognise that they’ve been hugely helped. I was speaking to a woman at the weekend who runs a very successful mini hotel , all very much bravado about working her way up but neglecting to mention how the entire building was given to her along with huge sums for renovations at the beginning 😂
You should be proud of your mum and honestly there are so many people in awful situations . I’m very grateful that I got to go to university and thank my parents for giving me a background of good education

You are who you are now, so let your confidence about that stand.
I just state factual things, although I'm not from an ideal background.
In your case, I'd simply say unfortunately my parents split up and my father wasn't around. People, usually, will leave it alone unless you want to elaborate.

Grew up poor in the 80's but weren't we all poor then? Except for my friend whose mum was high up in a bank. The rest were SAHM or farm wives.
I'd have more respect for someone who grew up poor rather than had everything handed to them.