Looked at the NHS criteria for tests. Feeling gutted.

[Hannahbally]

I just looked up the criteria for fertility testing on the NHS where I am and now I feel a bit hopeless. You have to be 42 or under and we are both almost 45. And you have to have a bmi under 30 which neither of us are so that rules out testing for us. There's no way we can afford private. Looks like just accepting that it probably won't happen. For info I haven't used contraception since 2008 and have one fallopian tube. We've been together for 3 years and nothing. I'm so gutted.

Pay 150 to hertility health

Money well.spent - they look @ amh and many other things.

Superdrug have progesterone test
Also analysis for your other half avail via super drug privately

Your BMI being over 30 suggests you're both overweight, so I'd start by changing your lifestyles to better your chances of conceiving naturally. At almost 45 I hate to say it but even the healthiest of people will struggle to conceive.

Op at nearly 45 it’s likely that you will struggle to conceive. The NHS testing is set at that age because over that is unlikely.

Honestly, lose a bit of weight, cut out processed foods and drink water for as long as you can. Try Agnus castus too.
Good luck and don't let it rule you, take it by both hands and get that baby!!

I think once you'd turned 44 you'd already expected it wouldn't happen? My mum had menopause at 45.

Also a BMI over 30 not only impacts fertility, but if you do get pregnant it increases the chances of congenital heart defects etc

I'm actually sorry, but you might need to accept that it's too late

How much can you afford , treatments are much cheaper abroad in the Czech Republic for example.

Yep, they are really excellent, check their website.

Have you looked into overseas IVF? Prague is quite a big one. We were looking at Ukraine a few years ago. It was honestly so affordable and the clinics are very responsive. The first appt was via zoom and was free. Good luck x

I would focus on lifestyle changes to maximise time and quality spent with your partner.

At 45, I would sadly move under the assumption it is unlikely to happen. If by some miracle it does, then it's a lovely surprise.

doing OPK’s to see if your ovulating might be a good place to start? You can get at home progesterone tests as well as sperm analysis so it might be worth doing those as a starting point as depending on the results deciding if you want to have some private tests done?
I do unfortunately think with all factors included that the chances of a baby are quite small but not impossible so you might get a nice supprise one day xx

This. Being kind, I'm not sure what tests will tell you, especially as you wouldn't get funded IVF. Your age alone it's unlikely, and BMI won't help. If you not used contraception since 2008, why have you not looked into options until now? Even private IVF has a low success rate at your age.

She says she has been with her DP for 3 years, so I'd guess that perhaps she wasn't in a relationship prior to that, or not in a relationship where they wanted to try for a baby?

I was trying with my ex husband but i ended up in a refuge. I have been with my new partner for 3 years. I had resigned myself that it wasn't going to happen ( my ex wouldn't let me do any tests) but we talked about it and would really like one of our own so thought we'd give it a last try.

Would u consider surogacy ?

Yes definitely. I would have no idea how to go about it though.

having a weight within the ‘ideal’ range can really improve fertility. If it was me I’d probably go for one of the hormone level tests, they’re not that accurate but not that expensive to give you some indicator of whether menopause is imminent.

Gently Yabu and unrealistic here…

this has been ongoing since 2008… that’s 16 years in which to investigate / address your fertility and desire for a child… the fact you haven’t taken any action suggests that even if it’s at a subconscious level it maybe wasn’t a real priority for you…
From my own experience people who want it take action to make it happen.
Several single women I know in their 30s have frozen eggs or embryos with their partners, started ivf with donor sperm etc

I also think feeling a desire for a baby when close to menopause is very normal / a biological drive that a lot of people experience.

Assuming your home
life is stable - it might be worth looking into fostering which can be immensely rewarding.

There are overweight/obese women getting pregnant every day however yes weight can make a difference, I however don't agree with bmi as a correct indicator for overall body fat, blood pressure issues etc..

Main issue more so than the weight is age, due to number of eggs and egg quality. Are you still ovulating regularly? If so then there is still a chance. Have you considered adoption? (I know it isn't for everyone)..

Unfortunately I do think, gently, it's too late unless it happens to happen naturally.
Even with NHS funded IVF you're over the age limit and if private isn't an option I wouldn't waste any money on tests as you won't be able to proceed to treatment.

If you’re able to access some finance then things like donor embryos are still open to you. Some clinics work with companies like ‘Access Fertility’ who can help spread the cost of treatment. Alternatively, it’s more affordable abroad.

I think at this point I'd be moving beyond thinking about fertility testing.

Your next options would be IVF, donor eggs/embryos etc I am guessing. PP have suggested going abroad privately for this so I guess you could start researching that.

Well I'm going to be the one who says what, no doubt, others are thinking. The NHS should not be paying for fertility investigations or treatment in this scenario. I'm not intending to be unkind to OP and my remark is not personal to her but 16 years without contraception, one fallopian tube, BMI somewhere over 30 for both partners, age 45, already has other DC- it is not a good use of NHS resources and not a scenario with any likely successful outcome.

How could she have made it happen if she was in an abusive relationship?

I didn't read about any children?